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Original poster

Gynaecologist remark to DH

432 replies

Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 14:19

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

OP posts:
Lemonsandsunshine · 19/04/2024 15:18

Complain and refuse to be seen by that doctor again. That's a horrendous comment to make.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/04/2024 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FlexIt · 19/04/2024 15:16

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

How on earth is this relevant to OP’s post?!!

SirenSays · 19/04/2024 15:15

I'd be trading him in for a better bloody doctor. The cheek of him! And In a medical setting where he's supposed to be putting people at ease no less.

honeylulu · 19/04/2024 15:12

Totally inappropriate and very offensive, primarily to you and also (to a lesser degree) your husband.

I think I too would have been too gobsmacked to say anything at the time, it would have taken a while to sink in. Please do complain, it's awful.

Spidey66 · 19/04/2024 15:08

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Good Lord. Are people not allowed to have support with them for appointments? I work as a mental health nurse and unless there’s good reason why not (eg the partner has a history of aggression, or we think the patient would be open with us without their partner or family there) we’re fine with family members being present.

myself and my siblings took it in turn to go to hospital appointments when my mum was being treated for cancer.

Noyesnoyes · 19/04/2024 15:04

@Gyneapologist listening to you and reading @BeaRF75 comment, I do agree

I am sorry, you should be treated with the respect and dignity you deserve.

Good luck with your recovery. Flowers

Megifer · 19/04/2024 15:02

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

I couldn't imagine my DP not wanting to be at an oncology related appointment tbh.

What does traditional couple mean? A couple that don't mind sexist puerile comments during a serious appointment? What a stupid comment.

Original poster
Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 15:00

Noyesnoyes · 19/04/2024 14:55

I'm unsure why a professional would view a woman as not being capable?

Is your DH like that? In which case he needs to improve his bedside manner.....

Show quote history

BeaRF75 ‘s comment consolidates my point re an undercurrent of misogyny

OP posts:
Wizadora2 · 19/04/2024 15:00

@Gyneapologist pls Ignore VesperLind and BeaRF75
I wish you the best for your recovery 💐

Megifer · 19/04/2024 14:59

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Why not? Why does that matter?

Op that's awful, is there a feedback form or area you can flag this up on?

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/04/2024 14:59

I think your husband should complain. It was said to him and it was absolutely inappropriate and horrible.

rainbowunicorn · 19/04/2024 14:58

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

This is another dickish comment. Good for you if you are so fab that you never need a bit of support. OP obviously does as do many others so why bother to even post if all you can do is a thinly veiled I am so much better type comment.
It is actually recommended to take someone with you when dealing with important information relating to your health as often people don't take everything in at appointments.

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/04/2024 14:58

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Is that all you took from this?

Original poster
Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 14:57

Wizadora2 · 19/04/2024 14:51

@Gyneapologist that is a really awful comment to make. And yes, a patient recovering from gynaecological cancer is likely to be feeling a bit low about themselves, why would he say such a dumb thing?
I can understand that you were too speechless to comment at the time but I think it would be good to make a complaint. I don’t know how the process works for things like this, I would worry you would have to continue seeing this doctor afterwards and it would be awkward after complaining.

I don’t know whereabouts you are OP but we have been to a few hospitals around us in the Midlands and seen many doctors (also for cancer) all have been excellent (as have the nurses).

Edited to add that I imagine gynaecology has more issues with this kind of behaviour.

Edited

Thank you Wiz. This is my second bout of cancer and I have nothing but praise for my breast cancer team. The gynae team however has a different’feel’

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 19/04/2024 14:57

As well as being an appalling and unacceptable thing to say, it doesn't even make sense as a response to what your husband said.

K0OLA1D · 19/04/2024 14:57

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

Eh? Why the hell would they think that? If your husband does, he needs to stop

Wizadora2 · 19/04/2024 14:55

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

I don’t think it is unusual for a partner to accompany to an appointment. It’s not about competence really, more the support they can give, like other posters have said, they may remember to ask questions you forget. Could be facing bad news together.
Husband going with her isn’t really the problem here.

Noyesnoyes · 19/04/2024 14:55

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

I'm unsure why a professional would view a woman as not being capable?

Is your DH like that? In which case he needs to improve his bedside manner.....

Original poster
Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 14:55

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

Wow….. speechless at this too

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn · 19/04/2024 14:52

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Lots of people take a family member or friend for support at medical appointments particularly for cancer. Why do you even need to know why he was there?

Wizadora2 · 19/04/2024 14:51

@Gyneapologist that is a really awful comment to make. And yes, a patient recovering from gynaecological cancer is likely to be feeling a bit low about themselves, why would he say such a dumb thing?
I can understand that you were too speechless to comment at the time but I think it would be good to make a complaint. I don’t know how the process works for things like this, I would worry you would have to continue seeing this doctor afterwards and it would be awkward after complaining.

I don’t know whereabouts you are OP but we have been to a few hospitals around us in the Midlands and seen many doctors (also for cancer) all have been excellent (as have the nurses).

Edited to add that I imagine gynaecology has more issues with this kind of behaviour.

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

Original poster
Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 14:47

Orophile · 19/04/2024 14:45

Did he agree to do your MRI?

Yes he did. But i don’t think that’s the point?

OP posts:
Orophile · 19/04/2024 14:45

Did he agree to do your MRI?