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Original poster

Gynaecologist remark to DH

432 replies

Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 14:19

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 19/04/2024 17:03

Oaktree55 · 19/04/2024 17:01

Female gynaes are far worse in my experience

Really? What is your experience of worse misogyny that this from female gynaes?

BishyBarnyBee · 19/04/2024 17:03

Oaktree55 · 19/04/2024 17:01

Female gynaes are far worse in my experience

Bet no female gynae in the history of the world has ever joked with a husband about replacing his wife with a young model though.

Runnerinthenight · 19/04/2024 17:03

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Stupid question!!!

Oaktree55 · 19/04/2024 17:01

Female gynaes are far worse in my experience

shoppingshamed · 19/04/2024 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 19/04/2024 16:59

labamba007 · 19/04/2024 15:25

Do you ever notice that the people who like to play devils advocate are often complete knobs? 🙄

It was an awful comment by your doctor. And yes sexism is rife in the NHS. Women are misdiagnosed or dismissed constantly, or not given pain medication (when in an equivalent situation men are).

Definitely complain OP, I'm so sorry he said that.

I was coming on here to point out that "just playing devil's advocate" is a phrase that people only use when they know they're about to say something totally out of order

ImAlwaysknackered · 19/04/2024 16:58

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Going to take a wild guess here..

Maybe for support!?

🙄🙄🙄

LimeSweet · 19/04/2024 16:57

Deeply ingrained medical misogyny and racial biases are routinely putting people in need of treatment at risk, the government’s patient safety commissioner in England has warned.
https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2024/feb/04/misogyny-and-racial-bias-routinely-putting-patients-at-risk-in-england-warns-nhs-safety-chief

I am an NHS consultant and there is some worrying stuff going on. Most trusts have a few senior people, often consultants who have hideous attitudes towards women. They use their power to humiliate and harass junior women colleagues. And nothing gets done. The women consultants in my trusts have done a lot of work to fight this over the last couple of years and raise the bar. But progress is slow and it’s all about protecting the poor male consultant.

It is not a great leap to see these sexist attitudes seep out into how a minority of male consulants treat women patients. I have seen it with my own eyes and heard horror stories from colleagues.

I would not be in a rush to disbelieve the OP. And even if it’s invented, the issue is a genuine one.

Misogyny and racial bias routinely putting patients at risk, warns NHS England safety chief | NHS | The Guardian

‘Huge landscape’ of partiality is negatively affecting female and ethnic minority patients, says Dr Henrietta Hughes

https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2024/feb/04/misogyny-and-racial-bias-routinely-putting-patients-at-risk-in-england-warns-nhs-safety-chief

MsRosley · 19/04/2024 16:55

All the arrogant misogynists I've met in the NHS have been consultants. The power seems to go to their heads and they think they're lords of the universe.

godmum56 · 19/04/2024 16:53

OP complain!! that's disgusting

godmum56 · 19/04/2024 16:52

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

I used to go into my late husband's consultations with him at his request.

Coshei · 19/04/2024 16:50

This reply has been deleted

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Couldn’t agree more

minnieot · 19/04/2024 16:49

That's disgusting. I'm so sorry you experienced that, please put in a complaint. You're completely right, misogyny is rampant everywhere

RM2013 · 19/04/2024 16:48

It was an inappropriate comment. Sorry about your experience.

FlowerDot · 19/04/2024 16:48

GingerPirate · 19/04/2024 16:35

Interesting (in an appalling way) this still happens now. I would have called the Doctor out on this, you shouldn't feel "small and inadequate".
Complain.

At the time of you are feeling dismissed it’s really hard to call things out confidently and it’s only when you process them later on that’s it’s difficult.

ChristmasGutPunch · 19/04/2024 16:48

On the off chance you are in Scotland, I would consider reporting this to the police on the basis that it's threatening, abusive or insulting behaviour pertaining to age (now a protected characteristic).

I think it is dangerous for medics to harbour attitudes like this.

MouseMama · 19/04/2024 16:48

absolutely outrageous, please do complain.

FlowerDot · 19/04/2024 16:47

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Just adding a WTAF to the most quoted comment of the day. I want my DH with me at appointments that are likely to be traumatic or have a lot of information I want him to also hear.

katenutzs · 19/04/2024 16:45

Meadowfinch · 19/04/2024 14:22

I think it speaks reems about the misogyny of that one idiot oncologist. It says nothing about the NHS at all.

I've just been through 3 years of cancer treatment. I can honestly say, with the exception of one slightly clumsy individual, the care from both men and women had been unstintingly supportive, sensitive and supremely professional.

Totally agree with this. You cannot knock the NHS over one individual

GingerPirate · 19/04/2024 16:35

Interesting (in an appalling way) this still happens now. I would have called the Doctor out on this, you shouldn't feel "small and inadequate".
Complain.

KreedKafer · 19/04/2024 16:30

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

What a fucking offensive, insensitive and downright stupid thing to say.

You think wanting a bit of emotional support and backup from someone you love and trust, at an ONCOLOGY appointment, is a sign that someone might not be 'competent and independent' and that they must be a 'traditional' couple?

Learn some fucking empathy.

In the real world, where normal people live, people of both sexes often want to take a partner, parent, sibling or friend with them to an appointment at which they might be receiving devastating news.

Also, even if they WERE a 'traditional couple' as you put it, the consultant's comment would still be an utterly inappropriate and disgusting thing to say. My bloody grandparents would have thought it was unacceptable. and they were born in 1910s.

OP, you should definitely complain. That sort of behaviour would be considered unacceptable by any NHS Trust, and it would also not meet the code of practice of the General Medical Council.

valjane · 19/04/2024 16:26

Dreadful thing to say in any situation but incomprehensible in this one. What did your husband say to him?

Apolloneuro · 19/04/2024 16:22

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

How to tell us you haven’t had cancer, without telling us you haven’t had cancer.

Also ‘playing devil’s advocate’ doesn’t give one freedom to simply be a twat.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 19/04/2024 16:17

Jesus this is in no way harmless and I'd be furious if it were said to or about me.

It's difficult in the moment as you're naturally feeling vulnerable in that sort of scenario and environment but absolutely do report it if you feel able to.

As for the strange person asking why your DH accompanied you, I'm sorry your partner is so shit that they wouldn't want to support you.

socks1107 · 19/04/2024 16:16

I don't think the whole of the NHS needs a label, but certainly this Dr.
Definitely complain about the comment he made, it was rude and unnecessary