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Original poster

Gynaecologist remark to DH

432 replies

Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 14:19

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

OP posts:
Otter2 · 19/04/2024 18:00

Letsgotitans · 19/04/2024 17:38

Yes agree to this about surgeons, i had a surgeon telling me the 'offending article has been removed'. He meant my ectopic pregnancy baby 😩

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Oh my god there are no words.

nothingcomestonothing · 19/04/2024 18:00

Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 17:41

I’m sorry you doubt me- see below. I wasn’t examined and if I was then a nurse would have been called

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I'm sorry it sounded like I was nitpicking, I work in a related field and was trying to make sense of what happened with my work head on. Every part of this sounds so far from standard practice I was thinking out loud, I'm sorry.

A medic has even less excuse to be so completely lacking in the ability to speak to a human than a surgeon does, they spend all day with conscious scared people who need care and compassion.

PinkyFlamingo · 19/04/2024 17:59

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Eh? Why shouldn't she have her husband with her at her appointment, what a strange remark!

Diamond007D · 19/04/2024 17:57

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

🙄

Newsenmum · 19/04/2024 17:56

There are some seriously weird posters on here. Sad that some women wouldn’t be able to go into such a scary and serious thing with their husbands.

Original poster
Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 17:55

Thank you all for the replies and the support 🌺.
For those who don’t believe me, sadly it’s true.

OP posts:
PissOffCancer · 19/04/2024 17:55

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

I am a confident and independent person. My husband has been with me for most of my cancer appointments. I wouldn’t have got through this far without him. You are very lucky to have no idea what it is like to be taken into a room and be told the words, you have cancer.

Newsenmum · 19/04/2024 17:54

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

Lucky he was! Imagine how the Dr might’ve been to op on her own.

Mirabai · 19/04/2024 17:54

Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 17:41

I’m sorry you doubt me- see below. I wasn’t examined and if I was then a nurse would have been called

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He did your surgery as well? Gynaecology includes surgery which is why a lot of men choose it. Twatty men unfortunately.

Sealtheenvelope · 19/04/2024 17:53

@Gyneapologist please don't feel you have to respond to the posters derailing and sneering. They really aren't worth your time.

BlackStrayCat · 19/04/2024 17:53

I am so sorry OP.

BlackStrayCat · 19/04/2024 17:51

That is disgusting.

PissOffCancer · 19/04/2024 17:48

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

I am undergoing cancer treatment. My husband has been with me for as many appointments as he can. It’s called support and what you do for those you love.

Mirabai · 19/04/2024 17:47

nothingcomestonothing · 19/04/2024 17:19

An oncologist is a medic, not a surgeon. Or is he an oncology surgeon? I'm bamboozled that an oncology consult would happen without a nurse in the room, not withstanding whatever variety of trainee the other bloke was. I don't know about surgical consultations but I would also assume a nurse would be present as standard, for chaperoning any physical examinations apart from anything else. The whole thing sounds very wrong.

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I’m guessing he’s either a gynae as that covers surgery & gynae cancer or a surgical oncologist?

Otter2 · 19/04/2024 17:47

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

WTF is wrong with posters on here? 🙄

Otter2 · 19/04/2024 17:44

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

FFS. 🙄

Sealtheenvelope · 19/04/2024 17:43

nothingcomestonothing · 19/04/2024 17:19

An oncologist is a medic, not a surgeon. Or is he an oncology surgeon? I'm bamboozled that an oncology consult would happen without a nurse in the room, not withstanding whatever variety of trainee the other bloke was. I don't know about surgical consultations but I would also assume a nurse would be present as standard, for chaperoning any physical examinations apart from anything else. The whole thing sounds very wrong.

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He'll be a gynaecological oncology surgeon.

GoldenTrout · 19/04/2024 17:43

It was a totally inappropriate thing to say. However, it says nothing about misogyny in the NHS. Like others on this thread, I've had nothing but good care and respect from men and women in the NHS.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 19/04/2024 17:42

If I were you I would complain.

It's unprofessional, inappropriate, and insensitive at any time but especially when recovering from cancer.

It's a difficult enough time without that added on top of it.

Ignore posters like @BeaRF75 who lack both manners and intellect.

Original poster
Gyneapologist · 19/04/2024 17:41

nothingcomestonothing · 19/04/2024 17:19

An oncologist is a medic, not a surgeon. Or is he an oncology surgeon? I'm bamboozled that an oncology consult would happen without a nurse in the room, not withstanding whatever variety of trainee the other bloke was. I don't know about surgical consultations but I would also assume a nurse would be present as standard, for chaperoning any physical examinations apart from anything else. The whole thing sounds very wrong.

Show quote history

I’m sorry you doubt me- see below. I wasn’t examined and if I was then a nurse would have been called

Gynaecologist remark to DH
OP posts:
LetsGoRoundTheRoundabout · 19/04/2024 17:41

Awful OP. I absolutely get why you didn’t say anything in the moment, but if you have the emotional capacity to do so, now is the time for an explosive complaint.

And yes, this absolutely is an institutional problem. This will not have been the first disgusting remark he’s made, and you won’t be the first to complain. A close friend of mine is a very senior NHS manager who spends much of her time attempting to get rid of absolutely awful people, with little success because the system closes rank and protects their own, no matter how little they deserve it.

Babycote · 19/04/2024 17:39

Absolutely 100% please report this. Totally unacceptable in any circumstances to say anything like this. It's not even OK in the pub, it's certainly not OK in a medical context.

Sealtheenvelope · 19/04/2024 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Babycote · 19/04/2024 17:38

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

Eh?? A traditional couple wouldn't break up, they would be 'till death us do part', so this doesn't even make sense on its own terms

Letsgotitans · 19/04/2024 17:38

nothingcomestonothing · 19/04/2024 15:49

Oncologists are medical doctors, if this man is head of surgery I assume he is a surgeon not an oncologist? Not that it is in any way an excuse, but surgeons are not known for their skill in dealing with unanaesthetised patients (though of course some are excellent and can actually talk to patients like humans). Was there not a nurse in the consultation? It sounds horrendous.

Yes agree to this about surgeons, i had a surgeon telling me the 'offending article has been removed'. He meant my ectopic pregnancy baby 😩