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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep my daughter off of school for a hair appointment

142 replies

Melonlove · 19/04/2024 11:48

Hi
My daughter has a 3 days residential trip. We didn’t know about it until 2 days ago as she wanted to go but it was full up and somebody canceled their space opening it up to us. She’s going this coming Wednesday.

She is 7 with very thick and long Afro hair that is very hard to manage and mattes very easily. It’s really impossible to do unless you have experience with it. She can’t yet brush her hair properly or put it up properly. If she didn’t brush her hair for 3 days it would become very tangled and just look a mess. I did ask the school if anybody could help her and they said they’re not allowed to help them with that.

All of the braiders in my area are full this weekend, I’ve tried everyone even out of my town. However one person has an opening for Monday but this would be during school hours.

AIBU if I keep her off on Monday and say she’s sick so she can get her hair braided which will protect it whilst she’s away?

OP posts:
queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 16:03

ah yes, great parentling right there.. teaching your little one its ok to lie and deceive in order to get what you want.

school would be way more understanding if you popped in and had a quick chat! they are going to know shes had her hair done when she turns up for the school trip anyway.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2024 16:00

BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 15:53

True @Calliopespa not sure why I thought it tbh as I'd never ask mine to lie.

You probably forgot op would need to tell dd not to mention it.

I once turned up 15 mins late for a lunch and unthinkingly said “ I’m sorry there was traffic,” because it was a friend who takes offence easily and I didn’t want to hurt her.

Then DC piped up “ AND we had to stop to get a gift for the party I’m going to this afternoon.” 😕 Totally hadn’t factored the potential input of dc into the exchange …

MushMonster · 19/04/2024 15:59

I would either braid her hair myself or tell the school she cannot attend as she has an appointment.
They are unlikely to ask any further, but if they ask, I would go with the truth.

Do you know how to braid? It is not that difficult if you go for a simple style.
Is her hair long or short? If long, I would advice you to give it a go yourself over the weekend.

WouldYouLikeMeToSpellThatForYou · 19/04/2024 15:54

BettyShagter · 19/04/2024 11:55

Tell the truth and drop her back to school after the appointment if there's time.

Otherwise your DD will get dragged into the lies.

^

This.

BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 15:53

True @Calliopespa not sure why I thought it tbh as I'd never ask mine to lie.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2024 15:52

BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 15:50

I'd take her to the appointment then take her to school. They aren't to know that she didn't have it done at the weekend. Say you had a family issue and you're sorry she's late. A white lie is okay because you're doing the hair for a justified reason.

The problem with the white lie is DD has to be in on it. White lies are an easier thing to rationalise for adults but a bit unfair on children.

StarsHideYourFir3s · 19/04/2024 15:51

AgentJohnson · 19/04/2024 12:46

Go to YouTube and look up protective styles. Taking a day off for a hair appointment is ridiculous.

you really think the OP doesn't know what protective styles are???

BirthdayRainbow · 19/04/2024 15:50

I'd take her to the appointment then take her to school. They aren't to know that she didn't have it done at the weekend. Say you had a family issue and you're sorry she's late. A white lie is okay because you're doing the hair for a justified reason.

WannabeMathematician · 19/04/2024 15:41

I think YABU but that because at 7 I would have blurted out the truth as soon as I set foot in school on the Tuesday morning.

HOTD7383 · 19/04/2024 15:40

Don’t lie about sickness - this may compromise her going on the trip a couple of days later. Just ring and say she won’t be in because she has an appointment and she’ll be in the day after - you don’t need to tell them what the appointment is for.

worcesterpear · 19/04/2024 15:37

A day off at 7 is nothing, yanbu. I'd probably give a vague excuse, maybe say she woke up with a bad headache, and she's got an appointment in the afternoon, so you're going to keep her off all day.
Dd2 has very straight, fine hair but she came back from a residential when she was 9 or 10 with a bird's nest! It took ages to get back to normal.

Arlanymor · 19/04/2024 15:32

RollOnSpringDays · 19/04/2024 11:54

I’d just call school and explain the actual reason. It may go as an unauthorised absence but if you’re ok with that it’s best to be truthful.

This, it's not fair to expect your child to keep this as a secret and she could run the risk of not being able to go if there is a 48-hour exclusion rule.

LlynTegid · 19/04/2024 15:30

Don't call in sick, talk to the school, and if it is morning, go back to school in the afternoon.

Seems a lot for a three day trip though. Make sure that for future ones your DD can manage her hair without assistance.

Houseinawood · 19/04/2024 15:29

Lavender14 · 19/04/2024 12:03

This. I'd be inclined to be honest with the school about it as well so your dd doesn't need to get caught up in a lie. Are they usually decent to deal with or do you think they'd make a problem for you? If they have a history of being difficult to deal with then I'd say it's for a different type of appointment rather than sickness.

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This - talk about equality and safe guarding - I’d phone the head and explain the situation etc

Mum1976Mum · 19/04/2024 15:27

Speaking as a teacher, I would absolutely just tell the truth. You’ve had little notice and she can’t cope with her hair alone. My 8 year old went on a residential and she had hair like a bird’s nest for the whole 3 days. Took a whole bottle of conditioner to sort out when she got back and she has Caucasian hair, albeit very thick. The next residential she got very tight French braids and it was much better. They are very little to deal with their hair themselves so you have to make it easy for them.

I hope she has a lovely time.

BetterWithPockets · 19/04/2024 15:23

LadyDanburysHat · 19/04/2024 12:10

I opened this thinking there is no reason to be off school for a hair appointment, only to read your OP and completely change my mind. 😀

I would see it as vital for her being able to attend the trip, and completely needed. Also find it strange that they will take DC that young on a residential and not help with that kind of thing. Many DC at that age can't handle their hair.

This!

Soontobe60 · 19/04/2024 15:18

TheValueOfEverything · 19/04/2024 11:59

Actually, agree with others, give the reason, so they can understand + appreciate why it's a valid absence (and ignorant teachers who don't understand or have no experience of Afro hair don't blame you/your daughter).

????

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 19/04/2024 15:17

KreedKafer · 19/04/2024 13:41

Surely that's only for vomiting and diarrhoea? OP, personally I think it's absolutely fine to keep her off to get her hair braided.

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What symptoms would not require a 48 hour exclusion yet be completely absent by the following day? A cold/sore throat etc doesn't just vanish like that.

I personally wouldn't do it, but aged 7 is not exactly a critical school year.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2024 15:16

TinyYellow · 19/04/2024 11:57

Don’t lie, you will just look stupid when your daughter comes into school with newly done hair the next day and it’s not fair to expect her to keep up the lie to her teachers.

I‘m usually very against children being taken out of school when they are well, but I think you have a valid reason here. Some people might try and trivialise it as just hair, but they would be people that have no idea what it’s like to have to manage very curly hair so their opinions are worth nothing.

If you can book an afternoon appointment, just send your dd to school and pick her up early.

Oh good thought about the arrival back at school! 😂Of course they’ll put two and two together! You can’t lie OP: just say it’s a wellbeing issue.

Incidentally when I saw your title I thought of course you can’t take her off school for the hairdresser; but when I read the circumstances I changed my mind.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2024 15:10

ZipZapZoom · 19/04/2024 11:52

Don't say she's sick just phone the school on Monday and let them know she won't be in today. No need to lie.

I don’t think you can do that?!

Our schools always require a reason.

How long does braiding take OP? Asking because I’d be inclined not to make it the whole day but take her out as for a physio appointment etc.

Ideally it would be nice to tell the truth. However, if they say no you can’t exactly phone back and say “hello, dd now has an orthodontist appointment on Monday at the same time as the braiding we discussed .” So you’ll have to use your judgment. If there are ticks etc where they are going I think it’s legitimately a health issue.

Xmasbaby11 · 19/04/2024 14:58

YANBU, I think that is justified and I'd tell school the truth. It's a one off and only because she got a last minute place on the trip. You are being a responsible parent making sure DD is able to look after herself on the trip.

Kids miss school for a lot of reasons and in this case I think it's acceptable.

Nevermind31 · 19/04/2024 14:56

Normally I would say absolutely not - it’s a hair appointment and not a dentist one.
however, I’m this case it sounds like you have a very good reason

jumpingoffthemoon · 19/04/2024 14:56

I would just tell them the truth.

It might be worth learning a few easier protective styles yourself in the future though.

wintersgold · 19/04/2024 14:54

Of course it's fine, why would this possibly be a problem? It's one day of school

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 19/04/2024 14:44

I wouldn't lie, or ask her to have to lie, I would briefly explain why it's important that she gets her hair 'organised' before the trip and that this is the only time you can make it.

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