DS suddenly refusing to go to nursery

My 3 year old did this a while ago. He does have a learning disability and is non verbal. He had just changed nurseries but was fine going in at first then starting getting more and more upset. It turns out he was getting a bit left out, he will naturally gravitate towards books and nursery took that as a sign he was fine but actually it was just his safe space. They put in lots of visuals and made a bit more effort and he’s now back to really enjoying it. I spoke to nursery at the time and they said he was fine but I would listen to your child’s behaviour. If it’s a new thing I think there’s definitely more than ‘it’s boring’ going on.

Take your kid out of nursery. It’s an unsafe environment for him but he’s too young to explain why. The nursery staff will probably say everything is fine and they haven’t noticed anything amiss. Don’t believe them

Listen to him. He is unhappy but can not tell you why.
Ignore the photos uploaded by the nursery. They are PR.

This. Even if you were to let him stay home from nursery, what if he doesn't want to go to school? I'd nip it in the bud and make him go. You know he likes it once he's there. 4 year olds can't be allowed to make decisions that are not in their own best interests just to get their own way.

I assume op lives in Scotland- dates match up with their admissions system

Organise playdates with his classmates. Then he'll develop friendships and want to go in as he'll look forward to seeing them.

We did this with dd when she started mentioning the name of nursery playmate just before she turned two - I ambushed the mum, invited the other kid to her 2nd birthday picnic, and from then on it became much smoother dropping her off because she was excited to see her friend.

a 3 year old doesn't get to decide anything. Once you are back at work and having to dispatch both children, you won't have time for any of this.
Obviously enquire whether there is anything making him upset (nasty other child/employee at nursery), but if it's just FOMO, ignore and get on with your day.
Not the sort of mamby pamby parenting they love on MN, but a toddler cannot be allowed to dictate your life.

Dd1 now 10 suddenly started to refuse nursery about the same age
It turns out another child had been playing very rough with her and none of the nursery staff had picked up that it upset her
It took alot of questions to get to the bottom of it
Do you like playing with x? What do you play? Is that fun?

They are the best of friends now and while still a bit rough in play the other child is the sweetest kid ever

They do in Scotland.

I totally understand where you're coming from but I think your husband is right. If you give in to the tantrums now it will cause more grief down the line. Could you cut his days down to 3 for a while to see if that helps? Definitely ask the staff to see if they can keep a close eye to see if anything is off.
Both my sons hated nursery. They just wanted to be home with me all the time so I think that's all it is. But it's good for them to be in a nursery setting. It prepares them for what's to come.
I'm sure it's a phase and he will get over his reluctance soon enough.

I’d be concerned something happened there.

Def could be a phase. Spend some extra time with him.

if nothing happed then he needs to go.

How bright is your kid? I mean if he's going to be 4 in June 2024, then presumably he's in a room where a lot of the other kids are just about to start school? It's fine that you have deferred his place, but that means he is going to be the oldest for a long time. If he's in with 3-4 year olds and they are doing a lot of school preparation which he already knows (numbers, colours, simple words ) and less free play, might he just be bored? (Assuming you are in England.
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My daughter started doing this about 3 and a half and is lasted a good few months. She'd been going nearly 2 years and although she didn't settle as a baby, was a content toddler and enjoyed nursery.
It coincided with me getting pregnant so assumed that it was causing the unsettledness. But it continued and got worse. A few staff left the setting. I didn't really want to disrupt her when she would be starting school in 6 months.
Eventually I moved her. It was the best decision. She happily skips into nursery every day now. Many more staff ended up leaving old nursery and they had a terrible Ofsted report released just after we left.

My daughter is 3 and hates going child minders. But she loves the child minder. Loves her friends. Loves the activities. But my daughter hates GOING child minders. You have to force them. They have to go school, they have to get a job. You have to work (or look after the other child). Husband is right here, some days are easier than others, but you have to set boundaries and time limits (get changed by x o clock so theres enough time to get in the car ect

He probably just feels like he is missing out with you being at home with his sibling.
My DS used to get very upset going into nursery but I needed to work so there was no option other than forcing him to go in. I might not have done that if I didn't need to go to work. Eventually drops offs got easier and he would come home really happy.
I can see your DHs point. When DS is in school he won't really have the option of staying home so probably best he gets used to it now.

It's very common it's a novelty at first then reality sets in. I would try to drop off slightly later and collect earlier. Children can get distressed if they are first in or last out. Also the nursery would tell you if he was distressed all day.
i wouldn't remove him as when he starts school it's not optional good luck

Don't force him. Listen to him. Your dh has no empathy.

If it's only been two weeks I'd persevere, there's a chance it will stop as quickly as it started. I'd ask the nursery about any new activities/children/staff that started 2/3 weeks ago and see if there is anything there.

If he's still doing this in another couple of weeks I'd think about taking him out for an early summer and trying again in September.

School is optional actually. Education isn't, but school is particularly when you're 3!

They do in scotland!!!!!

I’ve had a child refuse to go to school, it is really hard. Looking back I would have listened and given him a break. He is so young, keep him home and try again when he is slightly older. Enjoy the time with him and his brother. There is no rush!

Scotland is part of the UK and school starts in August.

Funny enough I was talking about this with my now 16 year old dd today, who, the day she turned 4, started to cry and resist nursery. I kept on making her go , and she never really verbalised the problem. Only when older did she explain that on turning 4 the nursery got much stricter and started enforcing rules that would be there when at school - main one being they took her soft toy off her and wouldn't let her cuddle it all day. I always felt so sorry I'd never got to bottom of it, as if I'd known this, could have helped and let them know what a big deal this was to her. So definitely worth asking nursery if any thing changed in routine etc

Maybe not in the UK as schools don't start in August here.

Definitely talk to his key person OP, they can work on strategies - like arranging a game he likes to be set up when he arrives, or making sure he's being involved in activities, or ensuring nothing's happening to upset him while he's there. Boredom isn't likely to be the real reason. When kids tell me "it's so boring" it's usually because they're upset about something and don't feel confident joining in.

If he's 4 in June, does he not start school in September?

I think it's just asserting independence - I'd phone nursery after an hour or so and see if he's settled - if so tough it out.

School isn't optional.