DS suddenly refusing to go to nursery

Yes! Finding out that another child tried to bite him. This is such a strong reminder that we mustn’t assume that a child is just being naughty or stubborn when there is a change like this. Well done for managing to identify the problem. Encourage him to talk to the teachers there too if a child hurts or tries to hurt him

If your child was previously fine and now suddenly doesn’t want to go then there has to be a reason even if your child can’t explain what it is. Try paying attention to what he does when he plays - he might give clues in that - e.g is he role playing different scenarios that won’t have come from TV he watches. Are there also other times where he doesn’t want to go places or refuses to do things? If he’s only behaving this way in relation to nursery then the problem is likely nursery, if he’s behaving this way for other activities and not enjoying things he previously did then there may be some other issues at play here. But listen to your son, take note of what he’s saying and doing. I hope you figure it out.

Lots of schools in England also start in August, they all do in Leicestershire.

4 days 8-1 is a lot. Could he cut down? They spend so much of their life in school it seems a shame to force it so young if he’s not enjoying it. He has the rest of his life where he ‘has’ to go every day (assuming you choose a regular school education)

Nurseries are probably a bit different now to 60 years ago. Also, women work.

I am in my sixties. I remember not enjoying nursery, I can remember thinking I had tried everything and I would prefer to be at home with my mum. Luckily mum said that was fine. I stayed home, played on my own, with other children and with mum. I loved to help with the baking and washing as well as other things around the house. If mum was not feeling like playing I would go and play next door with a retired lady.
When it was time to start school I enjoyed every single day. I could already read, write, do sums and was very sociable.
I am so glad I was not forced to go, I can remember it very clearly and loved the time with mum.

my son is 3 nearly 4, he has also started to not want to go into nursery, but has fun and enjoys his day once he’s there. He doesn’t like the thought of going but loves it once he is actually in the building.
but I would definitely nip it in the bud while you can, especially if he enjoys his time when he is there. It won’t always be smooth sailing but he will get the picture and the phase will pass.

I made the mistake of letting my 6 year old stay off nursery when he didn’t want to go and now he’s awful to get into school if he doesn’t fancy going.

I don’t know if this helps at all but we put our son into nursery when he was 1. He only did 1 day a week and then we put him up to 2 days at 2. He enjoyed it while he was there but it was a struggle getting him to go. we found a lot of the reason was because he was tired, it was an early start for him and just being in a nursery setting is exhausting for them.
This year (3) we moved him to a nursery at a school, he loves it! The main reason is the ages thing which you’ve mentioned. At his previous nursery he was 2yo and playing with 1-5yo’s. He could communicate with them very well or play the way they did and it meant he had no solid friends and felt left out. Now that he’s in a class of all same age children he loves it as they’re all developmentally at the same stage, more or less.
Some days he still tells me he doesn’t want to go, he does 4 days now 8-3. I asked why and it’s partly because his younger brother gets to stay at home and he’s worried we’re doing fun things without him, I assured him we’re not (🤫)

I wasn’t rude. I just pointed out you were confident yet incorrect. I recommend that when you mean England, you say England, rather than the UK, and then you won’t interpret people correcting you as rude. I don’t know what distance has got to do with it. There’s a bit of sea in between me and England but I wouldn’t presume schools start and finish at the same time as they do in this bit of the UK.

I live about as far from Scotland as it's possible to be in England and I've been corrected multiple times already, thanks! No need to be rude :)

Of course schools start in August in some places in the UK. So confidently stated, so incorrect.

OP I think it sounds like your approach is working - get curious about what it could be, and support him in continuing to go. Wonder if you could mention to nursery staff that he has mentioned he plays by himself, just so they can maybe nudge him into playing with others (or nudge others into including him)?

I knew it would be something like that! Glad you got to the bottom of it OP. Nursery will be able to keep an eye out now they know.

Out of all the school years I believe nursery is the best for kids … but that’s only if they enjoy it.
If it was me I’d listen to my child . I wouldn’t pull him out nursery but it’s not compulsory.
Id take the pressure of him leave him for a week then say would you like to go to nursery today ? . If one day he does and another he doesn’t that’s fine .
He has company at home so won’t do him any harm.
Also maybe the novelty has worn off and he simply enjoys being home with you all
more.

I would assume that something is bothering him or has upset him. Maybe something at nursery. I’d ask the staff if anything has changed - new teacher? New children? Change in routine? And also if they could watch his interactions with other children a bit more. Even if he mostly has a good time it could be that someone is teasing him or being unkind to him. It can be hard for children at this age to clearly explain what’s wrong (he might not even know) and they think that the adults around them (teachers, parents) know everything so they don’t understand why you don’t understand/can’t fix the problem.

School is opt in hence having to apply. Home education is the default but so many parents don't realise it. It's completely legal. Every child must be educated but not necessarily in a school setting.

Apparently I refused to let go of my mum at nursery drop off as I hated her leaving me anywhere. But if someone else took me I skipped in happily. I was fine leaving my mum but not her leaving me! My own child went through a phase of not wanting to go to nursery and I suspect it was the same issue but I had no one else to do drop offs. He clung to me and cried but staff let me peek through the window 2 minutes later and he was laughing and playing so I persevered and he stopped the fuss in the end. It's horrible when they are upset but if he's fine the minute you are out of sight it's worth insisting as it does get better.

Where did I say she should keep him at home?

I think you are confused about what “pandering” is. You either “reassured” your little one (which I would say means you addressed her fears with your words), or you gave her “tough love” (which I would say means you ignored them). If what you mean is that you reassured her feelings but supported her in continuing to go, I’d say that’s just having boundaries.

You are clearly one of those people who misunderstands gentle parenting and thinks it’s just “pandering”, when actually it looks like you are doing it yourself.

I'm sorry but this is clear projection on your part.

There might be something wrong at nursery and the OP should look into it, but children also get upset about all sorts of utter nonsense and unless it's a real problem, shouldn't be pandered to.

My youngest used to be inconsolable because 'her shadow was following her' when she went to school. Should I have kept her at home? A bit of reassurance and some tough love and it went away.

Pandering just leads to kids with a lifetime of anxiety.

Oh dear. You clearly see parenting as a power struggle. I wonder whether you felt powerless as a child and now seek to seize power as a parent. This line of thinking is very toxic, though.

A child should be listened to and empathised with. I would try to find out what’s wrong. I would certainly not be leaving my child with nursery staff in a distressed state. I have been told “she’s fine” before and it’s lies. Now my child is 3 she has told me nursery praise her for not crying at drop off(!!) and that she knows that’s not ok as “it’s always ok to cry mummy”. They will do anything to keep parents out of their hair. OP needs to get to the bottom of his distress, not ignore it in the name of maintaining “control”.

Are you on maternity leave? Just thinking if it's a relatively new thing you being home with a sibling he may have just clocked you are home and think he's missing out on something

How exactly does a 3 year old refuse to go somewhere? You are their parent. Just dress them and take them! 🙄

I know it sounds harsh but do you really have time for this kind of nonsense? If your child learns that they don't have to go to nursery if they don't want to (a setting where they just play all the time), how do you think they are going to cope with school.

A bit of tough love is needed here. You are the boss and they are going. No discussion. (Kids pick up on wavering parents and will absolutely try to pull your heartstrings). Make sure they realise there isn't a debate to be had. It'll soon pass.