to think my boyfriend is being unreasonable to expect me to pay for new furniture when I move in with him?

Red flag 🚩

Just go on market place and pick up a kingsize bed and a larger sofa, then tell him if you split as you purchased these items you'd take them with you...

I think my answer depends on if there is a large disparity in income. Anything you buy, you should buy outright with a view to taking it with you in the event of a split. You will be taking advantage of very cheap rent.

How does someone buying furniture make them a man? We’re in 2024 it’s quite common for a woman to also provide

This. I always had a thing about not making big joint purchases until we were buying a house or getting married. We split after 6 years and everything was sorted in 2 weeks with no arguments over who kept what. There was a lot to be said for it.

When I met my husband it was a bit different as he moved countries to be with me and brought all his furniture. Anything else we needed we bought jointly but I knew I’d buy a house and marry him at that stage.

Ask him why he wants to live with you and carefully listen to the answer.

If his first reason is it'll be cheaper/we can shag whenever we (I) want/you want us to be together then really think about the wisdom of moving in together. I suspect you have very different ideas about what this means about your relationship. Neither is wrong, but you need to understand and accept his position if you decide to go ahead.

Don't forget to put any saving on rent/living costs into a secure savings account. Your future self will thank you for it.

That’s not a compromise. OP is being expected to buy new furniture that will cost hundreds, if not thousands of pounds. Whereas his old bed and sofa won’t even fetch £50.

This is going to sound terribly jaded, but if you each buy/own whole items of furniture, it makes things a lot simpler should you split up. Sorry. I'd never go 50/50 on expensive items again.
100%

my ex tried this. Asked for half the sofas. He was going travelling. He wanted me to sell them. He seemed to forget that i paid for or provided almost everything. I reminded him my grandparents bought the sofas. He then took the washing machine which his parents had bought and sold it on. Arsehole wanted half the sofa my family bought is but didnt share the money from the washer. He also emptied our joint bank account.

Why don't you buy the sofa and bed and he sells his, then gives you the money. As a compromise?

Just the fact that you’re already arguing about buying a bed / sofa would put me off moving in. You both should be excited and happy to share but he’s already showing that he’s tight which would instantly put me off. Save yourself the heartache and split up now.

My ex was like this. I'd advise re- thinking moving in.

When we split up ( after 9 years!) He took the , kettle, cutlery and an electric fire, the only 3 things he ever bought for our joint home.
Honestly, tightness is incredibly unattractive.

Save yourself some heart ache.

You could argue that each of you are being unreasonable tbh. No you shouldn't have to pay for everything and I can also see why he wouldn't want to after spending thousands furnishing it already.

Simple solution surely is - he wants a bigger bed so he buys that. You want a bigger sofa so you buy that.

Also, save as much as you can while you are paying this cheap rent so you have a nice cushion to fall back on if this goes tits up.

I'm sorry but not sleeping because you are bothered by someone else is the worst ! And if this was a thread about a non sleeping peri meno woman we'd all be saying separate beds !
If you want to move in and he can't sleep because of how you are in his bed, then I'd buy the new one and then it's "your bed". You choose everything about it and then you can take it if you move out.

Personally don't bother with the sofa, 2 people can cuddle on a 2 seater fine. So just leave that for the time being and see how you get on.

I agree, especially in this case. OP he wants you to be grateful about being able to live there, he complains he can't sleep properly when you stay over. Nothing you do is gonna be right and it just sounds like such a miserable start.

Honestly I lived in lots of rental flats and I always just sucked up the bed/ sofa/ furniture. It might not be ideal but living in a furnished rental is always a compromise. Keep the money, tell him you are saving for a deposit and when /if you buy together then you will invest in furniture. I did buy a sofa/ bed once I owned but even then I lived with the previous owners old sofas for 3 years till I could afford them !

This doesn't sound compatible. He suffers from broken sleep with you rolling around and wanting to cuddle all night long. That sounds my idea of hell, I would not move in with someone who was going to disturb my sleep like that. He's got the whole thing redecorated and nice and doesn't want you moving into his small bed. I wouldn't either. I agree he's not dealing with this very nicely but it doesn't sound like it's going to work. He doesn't mind offending/annoying you. You are annoyed/offended. It doesn't sound like he wants to change his behaviour so that you aren't. He knows you moving in will wreck his sleep so is probably in two minds about the whole thing so feels free-er in being unreasonable.

“Like an man to be an actual man” 😂

I think the bed and sofa are not the issue here IMO. From reading your OP you both have different ideas of the relationship. You seem to want a romantic ‘living together’ dream and you mentioned ‘snuggles’ a lot in your OP.
You said he likes his own space and seems to be regard you moving in as a financial venture from which he may gain but would like you to keep your physical distance.
Perhaps have a look at what’s actually happening in the relationship as opposed to being distracted with beds and sofas. I think he may disappoint you if you move in.

Maybe this doesn't show him in the most generous light but he is providing everything else and not asking you to buy half of those things from him. If you don't contribute basically you are just sharing his space. I think it's fair enough really and you take them with you when the relationship ends (if). What are you contributing to the home?

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable, ( apart from the bed - why didn’t he buy one big enough for two people to start with ? ) it’s his flat and he’s furnished it to suit him. I wouldn’t buy a bloody thing to start with though, give it a few months to see how you get on.
And if you do - keep those receipts!

He’s spent 7k on the flat so it seems fair. Get the sofa and bed yourself so that it’s yours and you can take them with you if you leave

He's telling you he wants to sleep in separate beds.

Good sleep is essential for relationship to work.

You both need to work this out before you move in together.

As for the comments about cheap rent etc, bit of a 🚩

This would be a dealbreaker for me, because it shows how his immediate thought is what is good for HIM. You will be paying 50% of the rental and have no rights, yet he still expects you to be the one who bears the full cost of you moving in. Is this the sort of person (someone whose financial well-being will always trump yours) you want to be with?

Really have a good think about the things that would be dealbreakers for you - be certain to have dealbreakers, and maybe write them down, because when you are willing to put yourself in a precarious position like this for love, chances are they will slip as the relationship progresses. For example, try to put yourself back to before you were dating him - would you have wanted to be with a man who acted like this?

You're paying 50/50 rent but you won't have 50/50 rights.

And let me guess, if you split up in the future, you'll have to leave the furniture you've bought because it replaced the stuff he had and it's not fair he's left without it.....

These two sentences stood out for me. I think moving in isnt the best idea. Like you said, youre not moving in together, you are moving in with him.

Where do you live now? How ling have tou been together?

I read these stories and I lament. We recently refurbished our home and my husband paid for everything. He'd never think of making me pay. Young women are being shortchanged.