to think my boyfriend is being unreasonable to expect me to pay for new furniture when I move in with him?

But I think OP’s compromise with going halves on the bed and sofa is fair.

He wants the bed, she wants the sofa.

They each pay half for both.

And he keeps them if they split.

well the writing is on the wall here...

But if you're going to move in with him anyway, then I think you should have further discussions about what living together looks like to each of you e.g. how will you choose and pay for joint items for the flat, how will you manage the cleaning, laundry, bills etc.

For the current bed and sofa issues, personally I think 50/50 is fair, as you don't particularly want a new bed, he does; and it sounds like he doesn't care about the sofa, you do. You're both sacrificing a bit for the other person and both will get daily use out of both items.

Why are you moving in together? Is it something you'll chalk up as life experience or do you anticipate this developing into a long-term, committed relationship? If it's the latter, the 'mine' and 'yours' thing might be tricky to navigate in future, particularly for shared items. I'd also be wary of renting off his relatives long-term. I suspect in his mind, he thinks you should pay for everything because you're getting a good deal on rent. How long is he going to hold that over your head?

Which brings me back to my original point - someone posts that her male partner is moving in, massively saving on rent thanks to her family's generosity, but they need a new bed as a result.

If he insisted she paid 100% for it, and that she paid towards the other expenses directly related to his move, including the new furniture he wants. what would he be called on here?

The cheap rent thing will hang over both your heads. You have mentioned this a couple of times just in this thread so it's definitely a 'thing'. This is all good testing to see if this man is worth investing in or do you cut your loses now. He is showing you who he is. Penny pinching never bodes well in a relationship.

His comment about how you should be grateful for cheap rent is a worry. I'd say you could hear that everytime an expense comes up that he thinks you should pay for instead of him.

Be prepared for his family to increase the rent as they don't see why they should do you a favour as you aren't family. I'd bet your boyfriend would suggest you then pay more rent than him. Not a nice way to live always being told you should be grateful but wondering if he's taking advantage.

I like a man to be an actual man though , personally. Couldn't imagine being a guy and letting my partner put her hand in her pocket like that to furnish my flat.

You’ve got one of those “Treat me like a princess” T-shirts, haven’t you?

Don’t move in with him he will hold the cheap rent thing over your head and bring it up in every argument. If you really want to live together and have a life together get somewhere else together and split all costs .

What he is showing you is that there are his things and your things and no joint things.
Which may be ok if you are early in your relationship and moving in is an interim step and things will hopefully develop . If on the other hand this is an established relationship to which you are both supposed to be committed I'd be concerned that it will never be a real partnership where things are shared. You may want to have a discussion about sharing responsibilities, finances, and even how things will work if you have children and into the longer term before you decide whether move in.

And she wants the new sofa. 🤷‍♀️

The tenancy is in his name, if he changes the locks Op Is screwed and has little recourse.

Do not move in there. Fuck me.

But he does want it, he’s the one who wants the new bed, OP is happy with the existing one.

But he doesn’t want it. He’s happy with what he’s got.

Surely it’s cleaner if he orders it in his name then there’s no dispute that he owns it?

It’s easier if the bed stays in the property.

You’ve never been financially screwed over by an ex have you?

Really? She just hires a man and a van and takes them away.

I think you are best to go into these things with your head as well as your heart. Essentially op will be a lodger, yes the rent will be cheap and over time that could balance out the additional cost of a bed / sofa. If she doesn’t end up staying that long she owns a bed/sofa/ wardrobe. Shared flats tend to come furnished and I’m assuming living with family now who have beds/ sofas/storage.

I know people who have moved in , spent loads, then moved out with nothing to show for it.

This is what I would say to him. Honestly I'd be quite happy to fund the bed and a sofa (assuming I had the money) if I then got to take it with me in the event we split. That's a lot of the essential furniture sorted if you need to get out quickly!

Haha hope the bigger bed works we invested but nah it didn't stop hubby kicking me awake lol so we have a single also and for us to get sleep is amazing as no sleep over time made me feel ill

Cheap rent massively worth it. You sound transactional rather than romantic.

Haven’t read the full thread but I would consider if you’re having to give up a place where you’re settled to move in with him and the costs you’d accrue if you had to move out again if it didn’t work. Would you get all those items back since they’re yours? It doesn’t seem like he’s entering into the partnership with an “us” mentality but still very much a “yours and mine” one… could indicate issues may arise down the track. How will other costs be shared? Bills, food etc? Car/s? What about the division of shared household tasks/ labour? Some uncomfortable but necessary discussions need to happen beforehand to understand whether you have a shared vision on this move and future plans or not. This is the time to have them as you’ll be at a disadvantage once you’re moved in as its “his” place and will need to feel like it’s jointly yours. Wish I’d known this before cohabitating! Don’t assume anything, get explicit clarification.

How does he know OP won't seek her half of the cost back when she does? This is cleaner.

Sounds fair enough to me. You’re getting a steal on the rent because of his HIS family, you’ve not been paying any rent, whereas he has. You earn the same, so this kind of evens things up. And if you split up, it’s all yours. Personally I’d rather this arrangement because that gives you final say on what stuff to buy. If ever my DH says ‘We’re not buying that expensive John Lewis sofa, let’s get a cheap one from IKEA’ I reply ‘I’ll pay so you just wind your neck in.’ You’re getting cheap rent, but it allows you to spend on nice things. It’s a win, win.

It sounds like he wants cheaper rent and new furniture. But I think that lack of sleep will cause real problems. Also, the differing 'cuddling' preferences.

I wouldn't buy new furniture until you've trialled living there a couple of months, at least

Surely it would be better for him to go halves on the bed and then he keeps it when OP moves out?