to think my boyfriend is being unreasonable to expect me to pay for new furniture when I move in with him?

You mean they should factor in all the things he paid for before he even met the OP or they decided to cohabit?

Should DP and I have gone through everything we brought to our first shared flat before we moved in, and worked out on that basis what the share was to be?
IIRC, I brought duvets and covers with me. DP brought a bedroom chair. I had a moka maker, which he 'merrily used' once we moved in; he brought his doormat and I 'merrily used' that. Oh God, maybe one of us paid an unfair share!

@MarkWithaC
Yes. SHARE. Not he pays more than her.
He has already paid for the entire flat of furniture. OP also says she has more money than him due to him flatting and having PAID FOR AN ENTIRE FLAT OF FURNITURE that presumably the OP will merrily use.

Perhaps it's now time for the OP to SHARE the expenses of living together by buying a bed and sofa.

@ScofieldMs is the council tax, electricity, gas, water rates included in the rent. If not you'll have to pay half of that.

This is a big step for you financially in that you have not been paying rent before so will now be adjusting to that new reality. Your boyfriend has been spending money both on doing up the flat and on paying rent, albeit reduced, which means that he isn't exactly flush at the moment and certainly doesn't feel it.

For you to immediately start spending on big furniture items that you may or may not own in the event of a split (because he might dispute that if he has no furniture if you take yours away and you have no written legal agreement) is not a good idea. Furniture is a massive expense and it's an encumbrance, to be set against the attraction of moving to a flat with a low rent, which is tempting - and I imagine is part of the motivation for moving, for both of you.

Therefore you should take some time, say six months to a year, without moving in, to allow his financial position to recover, while you save money towards your future and see whether the relationship progresses in harmony and whether you both feel it is a long-term future prospect that you want to take to the next step of living together.

Even if you do move in now, don't commit to spending any money on big items for at least six months, to allow you to adjust to paying rent and bills - and him to benefit from the shared rent and bills - and see what it is like living together and whether you want to continue with it as a serious commitment.

But OP also says he wants the bigger bed, she is happy with the existing bed. He has suggested a separate bed for OP but not sure that’s a serious proposal. How would it work? Would another bed fit in the room? Would it be 2 double beds? 1 double and 1 single? Who gets the double bed?

Stay where you are

She isn't. She just thinks that if you move in with a partner you should share things.
When my DP and I moved in together, he was earning a lot more than me. I paid for what I could, he paid the lion's share. He never resented that; his attitude was, when things are going well for one of us, we should both benefit.

Years down the line, things have changed and I'm the bigger earner by quite a bit, so now I pay for more. I don't resent it either. We're a team.

Have you really thought this through? Because this is not usually the time for one person to be demanding bed upgrades at your expense because you disturb their sleep. What happens if the larger bed doesn’t work? Although you might be glad of a larger sofa if he tells you you have to sleep on it.

It all sounds so businesslike. Will he have a little notebook where he writes down who paid for the last takeaway and how long you’ve spent in the shower each day? Will you tell him that you’re not paying for tea bags because you drink coffee? I’m all for taking care of yourself financially but if both of you are going to feel resentful because of the other not paying for half/everything then you’re storing up trouble for the future.

You’re not moving in together. You’re moving in with him. Two very different things. Everything is his and set up the way he likes it. You break up with him in a month and you’ll be out on your ear that same day with nothing but your suitcase. Legally, you have less rights than a lodger, except he doesn’t get to have sex with a lodger. You’re putting yourself in a very precarious position and it doesn’t sound like your different attitudes towards finances are going to help matters.

@MarkWithaC

But you make it sound like she's moving in against his will or something. One has to assume that he WANTS his girlfriend to come and live with him – in which case why is he being so grudging and money-focused?
Why is the OP being so grudging and money focused?

She's benefitting from an otherwise furnished flat that he paid for and cheap rent. How much more does he have to bring to the table? It's surely now fair that she brings a fair share

He's probably skint from furnishing the whole flat and doesn't have the money to go around buying new sofas etc.
I think it's fair that you share in the furnishing of the place by buying this stuff. You are benefitting from all the other stuff he has already bought and from very cheap rent.

You sound tight and entitled.

But you make it sound like she's moving in against his will or something. One has to assume that he WANTS his girlfriend to come and live with him – in which case why is he being so grudging and money-focused?

But when/if they split and she moves out, let’s face it, he will likely be keeping the furniture unless she wants the hassle of taking it all out and that’s if it will even fit with wherever she ends up, so he ends up with a bigger bed and a bigger sofa which is no skin off his nose since they’ve already been there for however long OP lives there and mean he doesn’t have to replace if someone else moves in. By making OP buy furniture for a flat she has no rights to, he’s the one getting most of the benefit.

If she tries to take it out of the flat, cue him complaining she can’t take it as he will have no furniture! 🤣

Do you like a woman to be a woman then and have meals on the table and prepared to give sex on tap?
What shite is this man being a man thing?

I actually don't think you're being fair. You say you're happy with the bed becuase you're happy taking his space, would you be happy with the bed if you were restricted to using only half of the bed? He needs a bigger bed because you take too much of it

I agree with this. Sleeping in a small double with someone who wanted to snuggle all night long would drive me insane. Even in the first flush of romance with dh we soon discovered we both needed more space to sleep.

If OP moving in is going to mean he has to give up all hope of a decent night's sleep, why should he buy her a bed? It's lose/lose.

I don't think he's being U. A bit tight (may because he is broke) but not U. The need for a bigger bed is due to your moving in. You want the sofa. He has paid for everything else (which you will use/benefit from). I would pay for those. And make sure you have some savings out of the money you are saving on rent in case you need to move out (as others have pointed out you will not be a tenant therefore will not get any notice if kicked out if you split. I don't think you're at all being exploited financially - sounds like a good deal in fact - but you need to make provision for this scenario).

Don't get pregnant.

He's the kind of twit that will want you to pay half the bills when you're on Mat Leave or working PT.

He's not a keeper. Sack him off.

Welcome to your future life

I'd say if you want it you pay but make it clear that you own it & it'll be taken with you if you's seperate ect.

We could talk all round the houses about who earns what/who’s going to do more housework/why you should split costs, but for me what it boils down to is that the sentiment in this scenario should be ‘Yay, we get to live together!’ Instead, he seems to think he’s doing you a big favour ‘letting’ you move in, and it’s becoming a case of bargaining/working out who pays for what, like a business deal.

I think you should run like the wind.

I actually don't think you're being fair. You say you're happy with the bed becuase you're happy taking his space, would you be happy with the bed if you were restricted to using only half of the bed? He needs a bigger bed because you take too much of it.

He has storage for his own clothes, you need to provide storage for your clothes. Why should he buy you a wardrobe?

If you want more than half a 2 seater sofa then you need to buy one. You don't get to move into his house and expect him to pay to supply furniture to your liking. You're already doing pretty well moving into a ready furnished place at a discounted rent, seems a bit cocklodgery to then tell him he needs to buy new furniture for you too.

I think the argument about money is nothing to do with money, I think it's just coming out in that way.
Is money tight? I assume not.

1. Moving in is a big transition and when people are anxious then it can come out in strange arguments. Start talking to each other about how you feel about moving in. It can be tempting to pretend everything is positive but it's not and being honest with yourselves and each other gives space for those feelings to escape.
2. The dynamic has been changed for at least 2 reasons. 1 it's his family house, and 2 he's already there and you are moving in. This means there's a power structure and also expectations, so you are more likely to slip into child mode where you are looked after rather than as an equal. There may also be dynamics at play as illustrated up thread between whether the man should always pay for things etc.

Once you can calmly understand the situation and understand both your and his part in it, then you can work it out. The emotions are important to have out in the open, but don't let them take over!
Good luck.

It sounds like he is not very excited to have you move in with him? I would be a little wary that there is an element of it being his flat that you are moving into rather than a place you’ve moved into together - it can cause tension and a sense of invasion for him and being unwelcome for you. You need to discuss it head on and tell him how you’re feeling and he can say how he is feeling. With a bed - which is the centrepiece of a ‘moving in together’ situation (if you’re not just a lodger of course) I think it would feel quite a declaration to not buy it together. Having said that we have the European style bed of two twins fitted together (it’s great, try it - different mattresses to suit different likes, no bed hogging - admittedly an annoying gap in the middle but…) so you could put a bed next to his if there is room? But assuming you are selling the old bed I think you get to keep the funds from that and put it towards a new one.
it doesn’t seem a big deal but if it is for you maybe it is a symptom of a deeper feeling for him and you should question if you’re both ready to move in together right now? Anyway talk to him not mumsnet would be my advice!

Furniture that might not fit her next place though.

Furniture deprecates massively, it's not much of an asset.

I just tried selling some excellent quality furniture when we moved. I ended up giving them all away because there's no market for it.

Do you see a future with this guy? Do you want to be with someone that wants you to pay for things you'll both enjoy?

Before you spend your own money - think about if you see a future with someone that is like this... it'll be far easier and you'd waste less time if you walk away now...

I don't see why a partner would not agree to pay 50% of the cost of a bed (you could sell the old one too) and the same with the sofa.