To refuse to let DD drink coffee?

If you are going to issue draconian bans on coffee to a 16 year old she’s sure as hell not going to ring you when she’s had half a bottle of vodka at a party and can’t get herself home safely.

I can’t imagine not wanting to introduce my children to the little pleasures in life. Even if they don’t have the palate for it yet and perhaps won’t like it, you only learn to appreciate and enjoy new things when someone shows you how. My 8 year old has developed a taste for a cup of tea after nicking the dregs of cups and we quite often have one together after school. It is the few minutes when we discuss all of the important YouTubers of the day and other highbrow cultural topics. It’s lovely, and I like that an afternoon cuppa is becoming a part of his daily routine.

My unpopular and old-fashioned opinion is that we’ve become so all or nothing about everything that we’ve lost touch with the small things that bring a bit of daily happiness, like a good cup of coffee. Consequently we’re always craving a big hit of something. We go all out for the giant milkshake coffees and cakes with an inch of icing and the fast fashion because we’ve forgotten how to take our pleasures in moderation. Let her have a coffee, and teach her the ritual of stopping and sitting and enjoying it.

If you need coffee so badly to even function, you need to figure out what's going on. Peri-menopause springs to mind.

I've been drinking coffee since I was a small child and I fail to see what you're so worked up about. Your daughter can go out and buy it for herself at her age.

True-ish, but not to the level that anyone's getting aubergine cravings.

Actually, I do get baba ganoush cravings when I see it on a menu in a restaurant window, but I don't think that's down to the nicotine.

by banning coffee I would worry you’re making it exotic and exciting.
for context, here’s the rough caffeine content in other things (from BBC Good Food). Instant coffee isn’t much more caffeine than a cup of tea or a can of cola.

• “Brewed coffee 1 mug (200ml) – 100mg caffeine
• Instant coffee 1 mug (200ml) – 60mg caffeine
• Tea 1 mug (200ml) – 45mg caffeine
• Green tea 1 mug (200ml) – 30-40mg caffeine
• Can of cola (330ml) – 35mg caffeine
• Can of energy drink (250ml) – 80mg caffeine
• Small bar of chocolate (50g) – 5-36mg caffeine

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/spotlight-caffeine

Sounds like you need to switch to decaf too. I was finding myself craving a coffee from the moment I woke up every morning, and would walk into town every day to get myself a coffee from a coffee shop. But my body can't cope with caffeine, so I bought myself a good coffee machine, and found a really nice decaf bean (you'd never know it was decaf from the taste), and managed to kick my coffee craving. So if I do fancy a coffee, I make my decaf, I enjoy it, but no killer cravings or caffeine addiction. My child does sometimes have a sip or two of my decaf and enjoys it. I'd have no issue with giving my child decaf.

I would let her try it and if she likes it get her a nice decaf, I love coffee, used to drink SO many cups in a day but when I got pregnant with ds I stopped. I actually found I got much better quality sleep and didn't feel as groggy and awful in the mornings so even now I still only drink decaf where I can avoid the caffeine and I have more energy than I did before ds. The idea that you need it to manage is an illusion the caffeine has created in your system. Phase it out for a few months and you won't know yourself. There are some nice decaf versions out there so just get her one of those and talk to her about the health implications. And yes I'd cut your intake down since she's working off the example you're setting so even if it's just coffee, the idea that it's normal to be so dependent on something really isn't a healthy message to be sending.

Well you'd think so. My 2nd daughter at 13 often went in the Costa with her friends after school ( she loved hkt chocolate with marshmallows) but some of them had coffee. TBH I can't see the big deal

Keep her off it. I started drinking black coffee with no sugar in it age 11 (as part of an eating disorder to stave off hunger and to fuel excessive exercise). I'm now 42 and addicted to it. I drink about 8 cups a day just to function.. I'm sure I'm causing myself health issues

If being neurotic means they will live physically healthier, happier and longer lives so be it.

Well the evidence is that the opposite is more likely@MillshakePickle

And, no need to worry - there will be money available to pay for any furture therapy they may need.

I’m taking this as a fairly witty joke…

They give babies caffeine in hospital. A cup of coffee won't hurt her.

Tomatoes, potatoes & aubergines are full of nicotine lol

OP, your relationship with coffee sounds very peculiar & you're obviously not comfortable with it. I agree with another Pp about get some bloods done, make surely there's not something else going on.

Ironically, your use of coffee is going to be what's driven your daughter to obsessively wanting to try it, she's modelling your behaviour - you've made it interesting.

Two of my 3 love coffee, one hates even the smell. 15yo (youngest) loves an iced coffee as a treat, it's not a big deal and as a rule most ppl can take or leave it. He had one every morning for a week on holiday, helluva strong too! In the two weeks since we got back he's had one.

Your daughter will be fine, it's not the caffeine so much as how you use it.

Nothing to stop her going into Costa or Starbucks when out with friends and getting one. I’d rather she had it at home. Let her try a Dolce Gusto capsule or something- they’re not really strong.

Do you not let her have coke , hot chocolate ?
she is already drinking caffeine .

Tbh if you are struggling that much with tiredness - wean yourself off it . It won’t be doing what you think . How many coffee’s a day are you drinking ?

My 2 year old kept badgering me to “share” so I let her try a (very small!) sip assuming she’d hate it and that would be that. Turns out she loves it and now i have to drink it secretly in the kitchen or she has the mother of all tantrums 😂

YABU. My 10 and 8yo love a latte. 😅

Wrong, my 13 yo likes coffee, she usually has decaf though

I was born in late 1970’s and my parents thought it was a brilliant idea to force me and my siblings to drink coffee at least twice a day (breakfast time and after tea). It wasn’t decaf either. If we didn’t drink it and it went cold, it would be reheated in the microwave!
When I was 12 I refused to drink it ever again, and even now I don’t drink any hot drinks.

My teens like iced coffee, they buy the instant sachets stuff …they’re full of sugar and they know this so they don’t have them often. They also sometimes buy them from Starbucks without me so if I denied them they’d want them more.

And an extremely healthy drink too. If broccoli was full of nicotine then I don't think we'd be fussed about people being hooked on it.

I do get blinding headaches if I don't get enough caffeine each day. I asked my GP many years ago what I should do, and she said "make sure you get enough caffeine each day then".

YABU, you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

I think calling it an addiction is a bit extreme. Some people might become a bit reliant on it (I know I'm a gremlin in the morning before my coffee), but it's not like people are mugging old ladies for the cash for their next fix or ending up in A&E having their stomach pumped. It's just coffee. My eldest has been drinking it since about 11, but he self-regulates to one cup a day and then switches to decaff or tea after 4pm so it won't affect his sleep (I'm not sure even a bomb would affect his sleep if I'm honest.)

This. She probably won’t like it anyway. She’ll be wanting to try worse things very soon!

At 13, has she not went to starbucks or costa?
My 13 year old enjoys an occasional iced latte or chocolate frappacino with coffee in it, but she buys them herself, has never asked for coffee outwith that

Has she really never tried it? She doesn't even know the taste? My ds is 8 and loves the taste, he is always trying to drink my Americanos, even when black. I do stop him as have heard it can inhibit growth but at 12 I would let him now and again. I love coffee but would t say I'm addicted, I just love the taste. Found it easy to switch to decaf when pregnant.