Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

It sounds to me like you are nice neighbours who have been very helpful, but you don’t want your lives so intimately bound up with hers on a permanent basis. Occasional or limited help is neighbourly. Ongoing obligations become an imposition. She is now imposing herself on your family and you have reached the end of your tether. That’s OK. It’s up to her to decide whether she wants to stay in good terms for the benefits it might bring with occasional help, or blow things up so you fall out and she never feels able to ask for help again.

You could say an extra person adds weight which essentially adds petrol!

so she’d have to pay to keep it going

Just say no. She doesn’t even appreciate it.
If she can’t understand that asking for constant lifts and favours is annoying then she clearly lacks insight. You’re not going to be able to make her have a normal view of what’s acceptable.

I understand about the lifts to school etc but the odd day it is nice to help someone who does not have a car. I do not see the issue of her getting a lift to work. Whatever happened to helping others out in need.

How is she reciprocating all this @Justablueone ? Does she offer to drop off and pick up your children when she isn't working ? Has she offered to babysit so you and DH can go out together ? We know she doesn't think she needs to offer anything towards petrol, but surely she must be offering something in return ?

👏

It is sad that her relationship was horrible but that isn't your problem? I wouldnt be giving anyone a lift to work long term, ever. Or picking up anyones kids. Or listening to anyone coming into my home insulting me.

@Justablueone Yes it may be petty and hostile - but you are perfectly entitled to say 'no', but I suspect there is more to this than you are letting on.

I am just thinking that she may very well be struggling financially if she has not long come out of a DV relationship and has kids. Yes, she sounds entitled refusing to pay petrol, but simply saying 'no' if it isn't a problem is a bit mean to be honest

I have been involved in the past with giving someone a lift and most of the time it was fine - but the resentment crept in when we felt we couldn't do something else as a result of giving the lift - either into work or home again. We had to eventually be honest if there were times when we couldn't because it was restricting us and that worked much better

Can I ask, how long is the commute in the car? How far away is work? Would it work better for your DH if he gave her a lift when it isn't putting restrictions on him and telling her no on the occasions that it does?

This seems very OTT of her, fair enough ask for a lift if you happen to be on the same shift but to actively change your shift so you know you can get a free lift to work? That's a bit much. As the saying goes, you give an inch they take a yard - seems to be what's happening here. I absolutely wouldn't want to be giving my neighbour a lift to work everyday

She came to your home and called you names... all other discussions are irrelevant because no way would I or my DP do her any favours after that.

What's the husband supposed to do if she's relying on a lift home and someone asks him if he fancies a couple of drinks after work? Will she sit with them and expect him to buy her a drink?

The money’s the thing. It’s not the lift, it’s the refusal to contribute.

You can't just invite yourself to 'share' someone else's space/vehicle/time/property. And then have the cheek to complain when they object or ask for a contribution!

I couldn't cope with being an unpaid taxi service everyday, it would drive me crazy. Whether anyone thinks that makes me mean (😂) doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I'm an independent person and would never impose myself on someone else, asking for favors etc. Sort yourself out, no one in life owes you anything. An emergency is one thing, a daily arrangement is something quite different.

Wonder if they'll speak for themselves? From the number of people on the thread who think it's petty to say no, you'd think there'd be a flood of responses from people who would be fine doing what she's doing...

Nobody yet, though...

So she wants you to do her children's school run and wants your partner to take her to and from work.

That's CF behaviour.

Either she splits school runs 50/50 with you and offers petrol money or she can go it alone.

She is becoming dependant on you and that’s a lot of responsibility. It’s impacting on your freedom and you’re having to make plans with another household every day.

YANBU.

She's taking the piss and making it like an obligation. It's overstepping boundaries and is intrusive.

I think SOME posters on here would be more than happy to take free lifts from someone indefinitely. You can see which posters would be fine with using people and giving nothing back.

@Catza · Today 15:17

And this is indeed a petty reason not to give a lift to her.

The fact the OP doesn't want to give this woman a lift, is a GOOD ENOUGH REASON to not give her one. She doesn't have to explain herself to her.

To those saying that OP's DH should keep giving the lift; would you be comfortable saying to your neighbour that you were going to be using their journey to/past your workplace as your transport, and refusing to give them anything in return, or would you feel like a bit of an arse doing that?

I don't understand the posters (although there have only been several) calling this a 'car share.' It's SHARING if someone uses their car one week (for both of you,) and you use yours the next (for both of you.) It's not SHARING if only one person is using their car FFS!

The woman taking advantage of the OP is taking the piss out of her. And as for slagging her off because she wants to stop the lifts; this is just pure fucking nasty! I hope your DH DOES change shifts to avoid the rude, cheeky mare @Justablueone

It's clear from your posts that your DH doesn't want it either. So I don't know why you keep getting asked 'what does your husband think?'

Also, the 'you're a big meanie, I would do it' posters are incredibly irksome. Big deal. Give yourself a carrot. Not everyone wants to. Doesn't make you a better person than them. So quit the holier-than-thou attitude.

How is it not the same? It's someone in your own space, your own property, because they've decided to be. You don't have to see the issue: it's OP's car, not yours.

This.