Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

My drive to work and from work are my opportunity to decompress, get in the right head space for work/home and to rock out to some tunes. It's a valuable part of my day, honestly, which I look forward to.

I'd truly resent feeling obligated to provide a lift to someone every day. I love my solo drive to and from work, leaving when I want and sometimes taking a different route or popping into a shop halfway if i have time.

Your neighbour is not entitled to a lift and yanbu not to give her one. Unbelievably cheeky of her to get a job at the same place as your DH and seemingly expect a lift.

Driving in my car is more than just getting from A to B for some people . Its not about petrol money or anything else.

Straw man argument. Nowhere did I suggest she should. But she did ask if she was petty. Not giving someone a lift because they didn’t ask nicely enough is petty.

Yes, he'd be driving that way with or without her, but the difference is that ordinarily he'd be enjoying the journey alone, without feeling like he has to wait for her, make polite conversation, let her know if his plans change, inconvenience her if he needs or wants to stop somewhere on the way, and so on.

I wouldn't bother explaining this to her, as you/your DH don't want to continue to give lifts, but the least she could do is contribute something toward the petrol costs, since she'd be benefitting while you/your DH do not. It doesn't sound like she offers much in the way of favours at all, in fact. That's not very neighbourly of her!

I think instead of trying to let her down gently all the time you need to give her some tough love.

She’s become too dependent and has lost sight of the fact that you are neighbours not her staff team. She needs to get herself to work and her own kids to school. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her life. Yes, she has been through trauma but she is also massively taking the piss.

The name calling is the perfect excuse to draw a line on it all.

Yanbu.

I think I would continue to support the children as much as possible but say no to the work lifts. Dh needs his space before and after work. That way you are supporting probably traumatised dc.

You can pull back over time by schedules changing etc.

When I was in my 20s I worked in the same industrial estate as a neighbour, F 27, who I had been friendly with. She saw me going for the bus, 45 mins journey, as she sat in her car and drove. I would have liked a lift and give petrol money but I was too quiet to ask.

I had to wait 2 years and save up for my own car.

I can count on one hand the number of lifts I ever got. I tell this to people angling for a lift. They see me as bitter and get taken aback. You do you. Would she help you......????

Right. So what difference does it make?

Bloody hell life is too short for this kind of bollocks.

It is ridiculous that two people who live next door to each other would not share a lift to work when they are going to the same place at the same time. Irrespective of her personal situation, that is just a common sense thing to do. She absolutely should be contributing to petrol money, or doing some favour in return and I understand that her entitled attitude would grate.

Same with the school pick ups/drop offs. If your children are all going to the same place at the same time, it's just a total waste for both of you to be making that journey. Childcare before/after the journey is a different matter. Again, I get that her attitude is irritating.

If you don't feel that relations have soured to the point of no return, I think I'd probably have a very frank conversation with her about her attitude and the fact that she needs to be contributing to petrol and this friendship needs to be more of a two way street. If she continued to be a PITA after that, I'd probably knock the lifts on the head at that point.

What's her plan if your husband is sick? Or takes annual leave?

I think I would seriously think about moving house! Sounds like she feels entitled to your help and time, this would make me feel very claustrophobic. She sounds like a classic case of 'give someone an inch and they'll take a mile'

Yes! Why should I pay for a flight when the plane is going there anyway?

She's a CF,I wouldn't worry about saying no to her.

YANBU if she wants a favour she at least needs to ask nicely.

'Dp mentioned this once and she said ‘but you’re going there anyway it doesn’t use more whether there’s one or two people in the car!’'

In that case I would laugh at the freeloader and tell her the bus is going that way and suggest she tells the driver what she told your husband!

I would just tell her to go away and make her own way in life.

I have a 35min drive to work and it is my jealously guarded quiet time. I do help colleagues occasionally but I would never do a regular lift share as I need that space from a stressful job and a stressful home life.

This 100%

How long is the car journey? Does she talk a lot? It would drive me nuts

I can't believe some of the comments on here, and the neighbour has one huge sense of entitlement. Perhaps she needs reminding that (a) OP and her partner are not employed as her chauffeurs and (b) it's their car and they pay for the upkeep, petrol and running of the car, so she has bugger-all rights to tell them that they should be giving her a lift - whether she is going to the same place or not is immaterial, it's her attitude that's the problem. It may be that she's stressed out at the moment, and that's a shame, but it doesn't give her the right to be rude when someone refuses to dance to her tune.

OP and partner might be happy to give lifts occasionally, but it's not a right and is subject to it being convenient. And from what OP says, they've helped her quite a bit in the past. But if OP and her partner don't want to be tied down to giving someone else a lift to and fro, then they have every right to say 'No'. Presumably the neighbour knew where the job was when she accepted it, unless it's moved?

Neither does she have the right to walk into her neighbour's house and use their cooker and fridge on the grounds that they'd be using them anyway, or sit in front of their TV in the evening without asking - but break it to her gently 😁. She's rude and cheeky.

Maybe it is hostile and petty but you don’t owe her anything, if you don’t want to give her a lift you don’t have to.

Is it more economical to ask her to stand on a skateboard and hold a rope tied to the tow bar?

I wonder if Bob would say to Jim "oh you are just jealous" if Jim wanted to stop himself and his wife being taken advantage of.

Actually, I don't wonder. No, Bob wouldn't say that.

It is a female response to accuse another of jealousy if they want to stop being people pleasers and say no to someone.

So annoying, childish and pathetic to use the "you're jealous" barb 🙄.

a favour is occasional

this is using him as transport

and the mark of the true CF: kicking off when told no - see what she said to OP

Why are you putting up with it? Just say we’re not going home and leave her there!

So true. The #bekinders think other MNers admire them, when in reality we roll our eyes at them.

You are totally right to put up boundaries. I would not want to have to talk to a person every single car ride to work. A favour here and there, of course. Being adopted by someone else without wanting that, no thanks. Be direct, or it will be a painful life.