Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

one off lifts, especially when reciprocal, are nice to help someone out. Having to give someone a lift every day with nothing in return is exhausting and impacts on your wellbeing. It is a big ask from somebody and if they don’t realised that/ feel entitled I would not be happy

what about if your husband is off ill or on annual leave how does she get to work then imagine hes been up all night being sick phoned in work ill,then neighbour knocks on the door for a lift,i acually was in similar position years ago, wanted to call at a shop on the way home from work or had an appointment after work the person having a free ;lift moaned about it, very cheeky ,

"we don’t want to adopt her"
sorry this just made me

You're absolutely right to pull back OP, it sounds like you were very helpful and supportive initially but she defintitely has to learn to stand on her own two feet now.

Another vote for "it sounds like she's on Mumsnet", OP, but you've done the right thing - offering a day's help a week but not all the time

Be prepared for pushback and sudden "emergencies" though, when she tries to recreate the situation she enjoyed before

Edited for typo

I wonder if she's read the thread

No it isn't a petty reason at all. Why should the OP's husband do something for somebody who can't even be bothered to ask in a polite way? I wouldn't!

I do understand that some will think it's unkind but this would be overbearing to me and having someone in my life to such an extent when they were uninvited and unknown to me would be incredibly offputting.

For the sheer fact of living near someone, you are dropping off and picking up their kids frequently, and have become their primary mode of transport to work?

Too much for me unfortunately.

Find her a man ;)

But really she pribably needs support you dont know what shes been through, at least she works and all. You're going to same school anyway..and going to same work anyway... just be kind to each other... you never know when turns would reverse and u might be in her situation... cant be friends with everyone, we're all different, just cause her personality doesnt fit yours dont make her life difficult... help her she needs you right now

I wouldn't do this to help a NDN, it would be different if you are actually friends but there is no way I would want to be this pally with someone who sounds like a bit of a chancer.

Its up to her to build her village, you don't need to be a central part of it!

It's her responsibility to get herself to a job, just as its her responsibility to get her kids to school! Are you children friends OP?I do think its very kind to do drop offs once a week.

So....I see the environmental benefit of sharing transport. But this isn't alternating lifts is it. She's not even paying petrol.
I have a very demanding job which is very interpersonally 'giving'. I use my commute time to decompress (as it happens I try to mostly cycle/take the train). I actually couldn't tolerate regularly sharing a lift with someone I need quiet and my own company. Some people might not mind but it would be nails down a blackboard territory for me. Doesn't make unkind or not empathetic (I am in spades in my profession) just needing of my own space at some point in the day.
You don't have to justify your choice it's just your preference.

I can't think of anything worse than being trapped in a car having to make small talk with someone I don't particularly like!

Can't believe how many people think YABU. She gets to essentially use your car, cost free, whilst you pay the cost of having a car. Tell her to get her own fucking car and to pick up her own kids. It's not the fact you're going out your way it's the invasion of personal space and sheer cheekiness of it all. Watch, she might start demanding you knock your joining wall through soon, may as well you've adopted an adult and her kids.

This entirely. She hasn't seen the error of her ways at all; she's just trying to do the minimum she has to in order to cling on to the good deal that she knows she had.

Any half-decent person would have insisted on paying half of the petrol for their door-to-door service, without having to be asked.

Plus there's no guarantee that she actually will pay for her share of the petrol. She could very easily pay for the first few days, but then 'forget'; or promise to give it to you on payday (and then never do so); or she has an unexpected cost so that she 'can't afford' to give it to you (her child's shoes let the rain in, but YOU want to leave a little one with soaking wet feet so that YOU can have the money instead etc.); or insist she already gave it to you; or give you a cheapo and unwanted token 'present' and then make out that it's the equivalent of a week's petrol money.

Even if she does regularly and consistently pay, she will probably see it like she's doing you a massive favour, that's really lucrative for you, rather than simply paying her way.

YANBU

Making her life more difficult!? As if her life is your responsibility! The entitlement!

Reading your first post so no idea if there’s a big drip feed. Carpooling is a common thing, but it’s her entitled attitude i’m guessing?

Carpooling suggests people travelling regularly to the same place taking it in turns to do the driving; or maybe, if only one of them drives, at least properly sharing the costs (which I would say should be weighted more towards the non-driver, as the driver is having to pay to run, tax, insure and maintain the car as well as just the petrol).

But why not housepooling as well, where somebody who lives near you can just pop over to yours when they fancy it, put the telly on, grab a sandwich and chill out on the sofa at yours? Why do people even want to have their own private household that isn't an open house for any and all comers?

Waste upwards of £5K on fees etc, disrupt your child's lives, take the risk of even worse neighbours ... or have one conversation shutting her down.

The fact she walked into my home and called me names would mean I would never do anything for her ever again.

Absolute entitled cheeky cow. She can do one.

@Picklewicklepickle · Yesterday 16:14

Lol at all the posters who would happily commit to giving their neighbour a lift to and from work every day and take their kids to and from school every day with no complaints, of course you fucking would.

@ilurktherforeiam · Yesterday 16:28

Reality is that they wouldn't. People who make the comments about just doing it and being kind are ALWAYS the takers, not the givers. Really easy to pretend you are generous and help everyone while anonymous online. But if you read their posts they never do come across as 'kind' people, just manipulative and insulting to those who don't want to run around after 'takers'.

100% this. The "oh just be kind!" posters are making my eyes roll into the back of my head. I don't believe for a SECOND that these posters would tolerate someone taking the piss out of them; cadging free lifts, and inserting themselves into their lives on a day to day basis. Then throwing a tantrum because the person they're mugging off wants to stop the cheekyfuckery!

@Fargo79

IT'S NOT SHARING when it's all one way. The neighbour is taking all the lifts, and giving nothing back. Then throwing her dummy out of her pram and being nasty to the OP for wanting to stop the lifts.

It's not that hard to comprehend. 🙄

Bloody hell life is too short to let people shit over you, USE you, and take the piss out of you by assuming you're their free taxi!

While your DH was under no obligation to give lifts this was a bit mean.
Surely this is between your DH and the neighbour, why are you gettting involved?

I think it’s absolutely fine if you or your DH don’t want to give lifts. I don’t drive and when I worked nights I would get a lift from a neighbour but I would never ever expect it to be a regular thing and it sometimes wasn’t. I would also give him petrol money every week as it was polite. It was up to me to find a way to and from work.

A good thread about being careful and too friendly with others on the same raod as you and who work your way

My OH preferred a lift when younger as dikd i but we paid them - not only was it cheaper but more importantly in the winter the car was warmer as the others lived about 10 mins up the road and passed our way - we liked them and them us but we paid and happy to pay

I think you’re entitled to do whatever you choose. She’s an adult and not your responsibility - I can’t imagine anything worse than having to carshare everyday, now and again that’s fine but everyday? Nope!

This!!
And it's also the fact that she's arranged for her shifts to be the same as your partners and assumes before even asking that she'll get a lift there and back! On top of everything else you've done for herI think she's taking the mick!