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Original poster

Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

360 replies

Justablueone · 18/04/2024 15:13

We have lived next door to our current neighbour for about 6 years, got on ok. No issues. She’s just come out of a very bad relationship (dv) about 8 months ago and ever since has been an absolute nightmare

At first we probably made the mistake of being too available as felt bad for her so when she asked favours we said ok (dropping to school / pick up occasionally, lift to places )

She has had a job at the same place as dp now for the last 3 months, she keeps asking for the same shifts as expects a lift. We’ve had to say no and she’s extremely pissed off and has come round today and told me I’m hostile, unkind and petty that I’m putting obstacles in her way when dp is going there at the same time and it is unfair to make her life more difficult.

I don’t think that having boundaries is hostile unkind and petty???

OP posts:
shieldmaiden7 · 18/04/2024 15:18

I don't think you've done anything wrong as in your position I would have put a stop to it too as it's just not fair for her to expect a lift every day. It's not your job to ensure she gets to work. Once in a while yeah but not every day. She's the one who's being hostile.

FiveLamps · 18/04/2024 15:18

You don't have to give her a lift. Don't feel bad about it.

ScholesPanda · 18/04/2024 15:18

I think you can set whatever boundaries you like. You're not obliged to help her.

But it does seem a bit unkind to refuse to give her a lift to somewhere you're going anyway.

Fancybed · 18/04/2024 15:18

Why have you "had" to say no if DH is going anyway?

It does seem a bit petty, when he could easily help her at a difficult time. Obviously he doesn't have to, but I'm not sure why he (you?) feels he has to stop it?

LittleMissUnreasonable · 18/04/2024 15:18

It does feel a bit petty for your DH and neighbour to be leaving the house at the same time to go to the same place, but for your DH to drive there and neighbour walk to the bus stop. I don't know it feels a bit mean. Is it you or DH who's against the lift?

Could DH ask for a monthly petrol money/parking contribution from neighbour, which would work in his favour too?

Catza · 18/04/2024 15:17

Justablueone · 18/04/2024 15:16

It’s just the attitude she has like well you’re going there anyway rather than asking nicely ?

Show quote history

And this is indeed a petty reason not to give a lift to her.

Original poster
Justablueone · 18/04/2024 15:16

Dacadactyl · 18/04/2024 15:14

What's the issue with giving her a lift though?

I'd do a favour for a neighbour if I was going their way tbh.

It’s just the attitude she has like well you’re going there anyway rather than asking nicely ?

OP posts:
HalebiHabibti · 18/04/2024 15:15

I don't think it is any of the things you've said but she clearly perceives it as such. Does she have anyone else to support her?

Motherpro · 18/04/2024 15:14

But I mean, if they are going to the same place at the same time, it makes sense to go together surely?

Dacadactyl · 18/04/2024 15:14

What's the issue with giving her a lift though?

I'd do a favour for a neighbour if I was going their way tbh.