Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

I think I would give her a lift if you already happen to be going wherever she is going, but not if it isn't a journey you would otherwise be making or if it involves changing your own plans or waiting around.

And it would be polite of her to offer petrol money or buy a bottle of wine or something to say thank you.

She sounds pretty rude.

Honestly, I don't think you're being petty or hostile.

I would hate this kind of set-up. I like to use the commuting time to relax and listen to my audiobooks. I couldn't do that if I had to drive someone every damn day.

It's also the kind of arrangement that gets very "tying" very quickly. It means that there'll be issues if he needs to take leave, or finish early, or changes his shift patterns for any reason or wants to go somewhere before or after work. It really can limit his options and flexibility-especially if she's the sort to be dependent and to think it is something she's "owed" which given her reaction-she does.

Also, the unwillingness to pay anything towards the costs just adds to her CFery. So, she expects your DH to give her a lift to and from work, every day, pay nothing for the costs whilst she saves money on public transport?

I wouldn't mind doing it as an every now and then thing, but I'd absolutely mind being expected to do it every day, especially if she's so unwilling to contribute a penny. Height of entitlement.

I can't believe the amount of people who are suggesting you're being petty and unkind. You were decent enough to help this woman during her time of need and she's expected more and more of you, to the point where she now believes she is entitled to a free taxi service. Soon enough she'll be after free childcare or whatever else she can take advantage of.
To not offer petrol money is a piss take. Not only is she saving on the bus fares, but she's been saving time not waiting for the bus and enjoys a more comfortable ride to and from work. What is your husband wants to decompress after work on his drive home, or he wants to go out or run errands? He shouldn't be tied to a routine for her convenience. And I bet she does expect him to stick to it, doesn't she?

The Op has been asked to pick up and collect the neighbours kids from school - so it's not just the Ops husband helping out.
I can see why that would get wearing after a while.

Yes, she had access to a car but I did the majority of the runs. She ended up getting her own instead if sharing with her husband.

It's different from a friend because all you have in common is work and that's the last thing you want to talk about when you're going home!

Im happy to give lifts if folk are stuck, I really don't mind but car share is a no no for me now.
There's so much asssumption and expectation and I was constantly apologising for having a life and having to go places in my own bloody car.

No idea why we do that to ourselves!😆

Is the OP doing her school runs making her jealous and controlling?

Well I for one think YANBU OP 😄 people seem to have missed that she’s asking what shifts DH is doing, purely so she can match and get a lift. Fair enough if the schedules line up every now and again but shoehorning the shifts to match so that she can get a lift is like she’s essentially putting the responsibility of getting her to work, and therefore her getting her income, onto your DH OP.

This. I feel uncomfortable just reading this!

Be vary vary wary of this woman. Back off now . You do not need to give her any reasons. You owe her nothing. She is a cheeky fucker who will expect more and more.

God that sounds awful!

Did you share though? It's not sharing if the other person is just taking lifts off you. It's just someone taking the piss.

That's not true though, it's her DH giving the lifts and it's not clear that he minds.

It seems to me it's OP who objects though. DH is quite willing?

Why SHOULD the OP do this if she doesn't want to? It's a free country. She can say no. It's HER car that she pays for and pays to run. She's not a bloody FREE taxi service. Such entitled behaviour 'well you're going that way anyway!' LOL, not likely.

I hate be kind too. My willingness to do favours is far more self centred. The more favours you do, the more favours you can ask.

Oh god no! I car shared with a colleague before and hated it! Especially the journey home, I just like to zone out and listen to some music so I can chill when I get home. She was perfectly pleasant but so nosey and constantly asking questions about what I was up to every minute of the day.

It lasted 3 months before I kept myself busy every day and she eventually got her own car.

Never again!

Yep, it's essentially designed to shut down women when they dare to have the nerve to say no to something, and not put themselves out/sacrifice their own time and energy to do something for someone.

Men are never expected to be doormats like women are!

I don't really get the "we" regarding lifts. Surely it's up to your dp you're coming across as controlling and jealous

Her attitude is bad in the way she spoke to you definitely, but what’s the issue with giving her a lift if it he’s going to the same place at the same time? It’s nice to be able to help out people, especially when they’re in a difficult situation and it’s no real extra effort.

I've had car shares in the past and I would never expect anyone to do it for free, that's CF behaviour. OK, she's now a single parent but that doesn't mean you're obliged to fill in for her

@Greengumby

I would never tie myself down to a regular lift share.

It means I can’t decide to duck to the shops, go to the hairdresser or go straight from work to meet friends for dinner (without having to get permission or awkward agreement from essentially an acquaintance).

It means I can’t go into work early/late or leave early/late if I need to. I like the alone time in the car, it gives me time to decompress from my day so that when I get home I’m fully present for my family.

Just because I drive, have my own car and I’m going to the same place/direction as someone else, does not mean I’m a default taxi service.

All of this. ^ As I said, if people want the convenience of having a car, and easy access everywhere without public transport, they can buy a car!

I completely agree!

I hate #bekind.

This. ^

@Justablueone To hell with the #bekind bullshit, and the 'you sound so mean - why can't you give lifts if you're going that way' nonsense. I had a bunch of these cheeky fuckers when my kids were young. Non-drivers and people who refused to get a car, begging/demanding lifts. I NEVER give people lifts now and neither does DH, unless it's a dire emergency.

You don't owe ANYone a lift. Tell the cheeky cow to get her own fucking car!

Many people missed the other poimts in your OP about the lifts etc.

You are not petty. Having boundaries IS important. Otherwise you end up like the wet blankets here run to the ground🤷 And it's cert nkt petty to not reward entitled and attitude