Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

It’s not just the lifts though is it. OP is helping with childcare and her DH is the taxi service- like she has staff. Shes saving hundreds a month. I imagine OP and her DH have also offered a fair amount of emotional support. It’s all quite invasive. I’d help anyone out but when you feel it’s not appreciated you do start to feel resentful. If she’d said “look I can’t thank you enough for helping me out over the past x months. I’m going to get my own car soon but just need to get myself on my feet first” and offered a little bit of petrol money/ bottle of wine to show some gratitude it might feel different but it seems like it’s expected.

She has already said her husband has spoken to his boss to ask not to be on the same shifts....

She is not your responsibility OP let her think what she likes .

This

As someone who had a car share - which included petrol money paid religiously - very successfully for two years, it really does seem petty. Why can’t there be a conversation about continuing with the lift in exchange for petrol money? Changing shifts is an incredibly immature way to deal with it.

Having someone reliant on you is just a pain, the odd lift is fine but when they just assume and expect it soon becomes too much. Then you're ill and they start getting angry that you can't take them, or you want to go somewhere else after work and they ask you how they're supposed to get home.
No good deed goes unpunished OP. She's obviously a CF and the #bekind brigade are welcome to drive her around for free themselves if they are so keen.

This 100%. It would drive me mad having a neighbour in the car all the time. I like to decompress, listen to music, podcast, audiobook, whatever I want. If I have been in meetings all day I like to drive in silence.

Also, why should the neighbour not pay anything just because the OP’s DH is going there? Why should he have all the expenses, petrol, wear and tear on the car etc

It does make a difference to the driver as if the neighbour expects a lift there and back she'll act put out of he wants to go somewhere else after work or needs to call in sick.
Her sense of entitlement would be enough to put me off giving her a lift. Not offering petrol money to share the cost is awful behaviour.

It just feels like OP isn't being honest (with us) about her reasons.

And I can just imagine what would be said if it was "I'd like to help out the newly single dad next door by giving him a lift to work, as we work at the same place, but DH doesn't trust me"

It is one of those tricky ones, as it does seem a bit mean, but I also see where you are coming from.

I think that, as you are going to places at the same time, then you could offer to share her car but I do think that she should pay towards petrol and wear and tear.

You need to have a decent conversation with her and if she says ‘but you are gong there anyway’ then you can reply with ‘so are you, and a contribution is a lot cheaper than getting a car and paying 100% of the petrol’.

If she actually paid, it could be quite a good arrangement for everyone, but she does need to change her attitude.

They're a team. Don't know why you're making such a big deal out of a minor detail.

I like to be behind her at the queue on a bus.

No matter who is helping her, they're offering a way in which she gets to work, although by the sound of it she's more expecting it now, so yes, she should contribute towards costs.

Because that is so easy.

I think that poster posted on the wrong thread. I think she thought she was on the 'Rude or Polite' thread. currently running here on AIBU. I was just looking at it.

Am I the only person thinking “hell, no my husband isn’t giving a lift to another woman twice a day?”
That’s how affairs start
And they say romance is dead…* *

Has she never heard of a bus?

what if your hubby has a day off?or has plans after work? What does she do then?

this is just cheeky and guilt tripping you. She’s taking advantage and can’t see that

It might be petty, but you are allowed to be petty. You aren't obliged to continually put yourself out for other people's benefit.

In fact a while back there was a thread from a woman who was stuck giving a colleague a lift and everyone piled in saying stop giving lifts !
So YANBU... it's fine to give lifts from time to time but it doesn't need to be a regular thing unless it suits all parties

This isn’t just speaking to each other, it’s spending time alone twice a day in very close proximity with each other

@Vegandiva

youre probably not the only one, but I'm not thinking that.

if he wants to have sex with the neighbour then he will, driving her to work is more likely to put him off 🤣🤣

Petty as fuck and bloody well deserved!

In fact, you should list all the things you've been doing for her and ask her to list what she does for you then ask her why she thinks it's ok to take take take but never give.

.

@Justablueone

but why? That IS really petty & horrible.

just doing it for the sake of it.

she is right it doesn't cost him more if she goes with him & now a single mum. But if he really wants to charge her then he needs to tell her not ask her & if she counters it just say it's £xx per week, up front, take it or leave it.

dont forget her kids have been through a lot too. Is it really that much trouble to bring them home with you?

6 months on from DV isn't that long.

still if she nasty & unappreciative it's your choice to say no,

Am I the only person thinking “hell, no my husband isn’t giving a lift to another woman twice a day?”
That’s how affairs start, and some couples would have rules about not being in cars alone with opposite sex people for that reason. Especially in this situation, this is a set up for classic Knight in Shining Armor scenario (ducks from tomatoes being thrown by the ‘don’t be ridiculous, men and women can be friends’ brigade) 😁

Well if the OP wants to stop giving lifts to this cheeky freeloader, then she is entitled to stop it.

Me and DH are a couple, married, a partnership. If one of us was very unhappy with something, the other would respect their wishes, and stop.

So as far as I'm concerned, the OP wants this to stop, so it stops.