Is this ‘hostile unkind and petty’ I don’t think so !

I had a friend who finally left her DH due to DV… I could have written all of the above.

I had to go NC in the end. She had picked up so much drama (trauma?) and manipulative behaviour which was impossible to be around.

Entitled, entitled, entitled.

You're right to put up boundaries.

It is a valid reason to refuse a favour, if the person asking has an.entitled attitude. To ignore the attitude is to set yourself up for further CF-ery.

She sounds quite intense and it must feel like she is taking over your life - you live next to her, take her DC to school, DH giving lifts. You must feel like you can’t escape from her. Whilst is very nice of you that you have helped so much, she isn’t your responsibility. It sounds like instead of her showing gratitude, she’s developed an entitled attitude with you. It’s like you have given her an inch and she’s taken a mile. I don’t see an easy way for you to reduce it now, as technically she is right, you are going to the same place anyway. Did she get the job purposely because your DH works there? To be honest I’d be a bit worried that she’s not trying to be a cuckoo in the nest and push you out, especially seen as her own relationship has ended.

Well no I wouldn't do the school run as wfh and need to be quick but if I was driving to the same place I wouldn't mind giving a lift. I'm quite chatty and sociable though - which seems to be rare on Mumsnet

I thought it was a bit mean until I read the petrol comment and now I think nah, that's CF territory.

Does she think calling you hostile will help her cause?

It's a fair question, and her attitude shows so much

You'd hope that someone who's received months of favours would be at least be appreciative and maybe use the time to sort out her own arrangements, but no - thwarted of what she was hoping for she becomes rude instead

Maybe she'll learn this isn't the way to behave or maybe she won't, but anyway it's not OP's problem

It sounds like you have been very kind but unfortunately she is taking the piss now.

You don’t need to explain yourself for why you don’t want to give someone a lift, I totally get it and her attitude stinks.

It might be harsh but I wonder if the best thing to do would be to let her know you won’t be able to provide any lifts from now on. She sounds like the sort where if you come to a ‘compromise’ it won’t be good enough and she will keep pushing for more.

It really isn't. Waiting around for someone, or not staying a bit later at work because they're waiting... she shouldn't feel entitled to that.

That's not the same though is it?

I don't see the issue with the lift - although her attitude about not needing to pay anything is annoying

She’s a cheeky fucker. The odd lift in an emergency, fair enough, but being stuck in a car for 45 minutes twice a day (I don’t know how long he has to spend with her but regardless, it’s not going to be a laugh riot for him) with bitchy Deirdre from next door would be my idea of absolute hell.

So when she has to pay for her luggage weighing too much on a flight, does she not think it’s because extra weight=more fuel consumed? Duh!

Your dp is right to want to change shifts, good way of escaping and you should definitely be refusing to pick up the kids, too. As a pp said, you’re currently acting as her staff! I’d be telling her you aren’t staff and she needs to stop asking for favours cos she’s taken the piss and therefore you’re stopping everything. She’s having a laugh!

She's asked your DP for a lift, yet you've said we've had to say no?

Please don't tell me you're one of these women who feels threatened by single women...afraid they're going to jump on your man? 🙄

It can make a difference

neighbour wanted a lift to a place about 30 mins away (near where I work).

but it got more and more frequent.

I'm busy, my commute is my only ‘downtime’. Having someone with very different religious views, political views etc constantly chatting away in the car in the one time I get to be quiet/ think/ listen to a podcast.

yes it’s nice to be nice. But if it doesn’t work for you then you don’t need to be a doormat.

Honestly if someone tells me I'm being petty and hostile because I don't want the carry on doing the same favour over and over, that will be the last straw to tell her no more favours.

I'm annoyed by the fact that the person you have been doing favours had the face to insult you. That is top level of entitlement.

She is taking the mic .. she can pay her way - its saving her loads of money - not only cost of petrol - but tax, vehicle wear and tear..

Sometimes people don’t want to hear anything but “yes.”
They get offended when your “no” alters their plans.
But it isn’t your responsibility to complicate your life to make somebody else’s life run smoothly.
Just say no and remember - don’t apologise.

Oh god I'd absolutely HATE having to commute with someone else - I'd make up a really long-winded excuse and probably drive a longer way round just to avoid it. Totally reasonable if the DH doesn't want to do this.

To the poster that said it's quiet time to decompress and sort your head - 100%.

Nit day in day out you wouldn't! The ofd lift, fine, but every day, twice a day... no way

YANBU

Personally I wouldn't want to Have to drive anyone every day unless I was driving a close friend. I would feel imposed upon.

My DD friend does this to us every day lift to school or pick - sometimes its not convenient. If I am going to see fil straight after school or I want to go shopping!! It really pisses me off especially as I can see her Dad and his fleet of cars are home when I drop her!!!

I wouldn’t want to do everyday with someone in my car either - you are not obligated too so perhaps say we can help on mon and tues on other days we now have other things to do!

There could be a conversation about sharing costs. But the DH has already tried that and been knocked back. Why should he have to try and negotiate with someone who is trying to take advantage, especially when it’s about something he doesn’t want to do in the first place?

I don’t think changing shifts is incredibly immature, but it would be better if the DH just told the neighbour she’d treated him too poorly for the lifts to continue.

No, I’m with you Op, she’s a CF.

I use commuting time to listen to music, de-stress, call friends and family.

No chance I’d want someone sitting next to me long-term who seemed to have non intention of sorting themselves out.

And these people are never ones to give favours back (not that I want them, rather just sort myself out)

And does she think calling you hostile will help her cause? Sounds like a dramatic pain in the ass

I'm glad yours was successful, mine was hellish! I'd never do it again and it's their choice. The difference is this wasn't a mutual agreement between 2 workmates it's an assumption and expectation. Very different

Just because you are going the same way does not mean you need to lift share. I occasionally give a colleague a lift because she is lovely and great company but she is never pushy about it, never assumes and would be 100% fine if I said no and would not need reasons.