To be losing attraction to DP because of his career?

But OP does find materialistic people (or career/money oriented people, however you want to look at it) attractive, so it's really kind of a moot point that you don't.

She knows what she wants. Some people like money and stuff and it's better that they pair up with each other than with people who don't find that attractive, or who don't connect on that level.

As a slight side point, I think there are very few women who would find it attractive for a man to talk about being looked after.

And OP certainly shouldn't be doing his donkey work. They sound incompatible and he's already staking out a norm where she does the earning AND the home running...something many women are familiar with and not one of them seems to like.

It's not about fancying him though is it ?

It's about not having the same values and ambitions.

OP doesn't want to be carrying him and all the mortgage being on her income when he COULD we assume, earn more.

So leave him, it's not working for either of you.

Better to date someone who is already established in their life / career. You won't be the first to base a relationship on what you thought would eventually happen, only to find the reality is different.

Yes but how can they afford a child when even now they can't buy a flat for two people? It would be on her income alone.

I’ve never met a materialistic person I admire. Ugh.
Imagine a man saying he doesn’t fancy his partner because she doesn’t earn enough.
But stop doing all the housework - that’s the real issue, not a man who doesn’t reach your shallow financial standards.

Why is he not getting jobs?

You say he doesn't have the skill set.

He has a PhD- what else does he need for these jobs?

Is he so out of touch that he can't read job specs and work out if he's qualified or not?

She said in her OP that this is what he wants.

You're entitled to want a partner who has ambition and who earns well but a lot can happen over a lifetime with someone. Your life and circumstances can change in an instant. My husband had a trade and a good job but lost it during the recession. He was unemployed for nearly 7 years and had to retrain. I was newly qualified and we lived on my wage. Then we both had really good jobs. I had to go part time when our child was born. My husband now has an excellent job. For me it's about the person and whether you are willing and able to stick with it when things get hard because life could throw anything at you. Maybe he's just not the right person for you.

It’s very difficult to stay in love with someone who treats you like a bank and a domestic and has opted out of adulting themselves

They don't even have a child yet!

How the fuck could he be a stay at home parent when he doesn’t do any housework

Of course there is the option to move to the suburbs OP.

To buy in London is going to need 2 incomes totally £200K at least.

How much do you each earn?

I guess it depends if you're in the relationship for love or his earning potential.

Dunno why so many people think you should be ok with this and aren’t calling him out as a cocklodger.

YANBU to be put off if you'd hope for a more even relationship, but YABU unless you're working in a City-scale salary job if you think you're getting a flat in central London! Maybe you are, in which case yes, you'd need two City salaries to get a place.

You aren’t well matched. Split up. You sound very materialistic and he sounds a sexist prat. Split up and find someone who suits you better and let him do the same.

One more thing- you say you can't get what you want [ the house] despite earning what you do.

How could you achieve the house/flat on your own?

You can't.

So is your only option to find another high earner?

If that's what you want, fair enough, but it doesn't mean one will come along who you love.

You've drifted apart and time to call it a day.

Agree with this though, I mean, he's not daft is he?
You earn more, do everything in the house. You are just like any other women who will do anything to please a man. There is nothing clever or ambitious about that.

Jesus Christ 😂

Not read all the replies but if you have your sights set on a certain lifestyle then that usually takes 2 high incomes as you have said.

Look at it another way- if you lived out of London and could buy a home on your current incomes, how would that feel?

Earning less than a fifth of what you hoped- so he's on maybe £40K and you expected £200K? Or he's on £30K and you expected 150K?

Those are big incomes for someone not yet 30, even in London unless you are talking investment banking or law.

Is it what he can't contribute that bugs you and his lack of ambition - or is it that he isn't earning enough for you to buy in central London?

The latter, if you're talking Zone 1 , needs a joint income of at least £200K for a 1 bed flat and I doubt that's do able from what you say (and you're very young.)

Rather than being critical of him, could you suggest he gets some coaching to help with his job applications?

Is he applying for jobs above his skill set or is he just not good at interviews?

He's not living up to your expectations and it is as obvious as the balls on a dog that you don't love him. Dump and move on.

I actually think the money is a bit of a red herring here. It sounds to me like you're ambitious and capable and you want an ambitious and capable partner. At this point in your life, you also equate ambitious and capable with high earning potential and that makes you seem a bit shallow, but I'd say that's really just a bit of inexperience talking. I know lots of ambitious and capable and successful people who are in careers that are not as well paid - hospitality, teaching, fitness, etc.

Putting that aside, what you have here is a man who appears to be incapable of getting a job in the career he originally chose. Mostly because, in your opinion, he has not put the right effort in. YOu think he is complacent and arrogant and I'm inclined to agree because the jokes about you looking after him and the fact that he's happy to let you "mother" him by doing the cooking and cleaning etc is not a great sign.

It is perfectly okay to discover in your late 20s that actually, the person you thought you loved is not what you want after all. End it now so that you both can be happy elsewhere.

I don't think OP is after a 'rich husband' in the gold-digger sense.

I think she's after a driven, ambitious, committed, succcessful husband whose success is reflected in a high-status, high-paying, career.

Nothing wrong with wanting to be a power couple! But it takes work to get there. And these profiles are made rather than discovered box-fresh and ready-to-go. Might be better to find someone who wants it and has good qualities (beyond ambition) that will last the course of a marriage, and invest in them. But if he doesn't want it - ie he's not professionally ambitious - then indeed, he might not be the right guy for you, and nothing wrong with that.

Bill would never have become President if he hadn't married Hillary... (tongue-in-cheek example, folks, don't shoot me)

Be careful what you give up. Is he or a flat in London the most important thing? If the latter, good luck with finding another person you want to spend your life with, who feel the same way about you and have the salary to give you what you want.

If you stay with someone long term, you don't know what's in front of your financially, job stability, healthwise, but most of us stick it out together as we care about eachother and are able to support eachother. My BIL was always on a low income, best they could do was buy a house on a dire council estate, Christmas presents were much needed clothes, no treats out, but him and his wife are clearly blissfully happy.

You can take a step back doing things for him, or even have a chat about it asking if he can cook occasionally (even if something out of the freezer) or take on a couple of household jobs while you do the rest.