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Original poster

To give my SIL the heads up that DD is unwell before her big wedding

67 replies

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 18/04/2024 12:38

Basically that, my DD5 is the flower girl for my SIL’s wedding, the other flower girls are younger and follow her lead… and my SIL has also organised for her to hold a sign.. read a little poem etc. There have been quite a few rehearsals!!

The wedding is Saturday and no expense has been spared but DD is not well, she was sent home from school on Monday with no obvious symptoms, but went down quickly, this morning we’ve been to the doctors and she had a double ear infection, high temp, potential sinus infection and a nasty cough, she’s exhausted and sleeping most of the day.

MIL and DH have both said I cannot tell SIL that DD is unwell, as she is very stressed this week, but part of me thinks it’s best to give her the heads up? I am due to go to a pre wedding brunch tomorrow morning, but will have to cancel due to looking after DD, so I tell her DD is unwell or I have to make up a worthy excuse to be missing it.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 18/04/2024 16:21

It shouldn't be up to you to break the news, it should be the B2B's brother/sibling (other parent of the flower girl) to break the news. I read the opening post as your MiL & FiL not your DH so apologies. That's why I've edited this post. The DH doesn't want to tell his sister - I think he should, at the very least warn her that her niece may not be well enough but as her parents you're doing everything you can to try to help her get through this, and be well enough to attend.

If your DD is on a course of some sort of medication, it is possible that she may be well enough by Saturday to attend but I wouldn't want to put her under any pressure and feel like she has to be there because her aunt says so.

How is your SiL generally on being on the receiving end of not great news?

Tdcp · 18/04/2024 16:08

I think you need to tell her but explain that as DD is on antibiotics, you are hoping she will be well enough to do all the flower girl duties as planned.

mathanxiety · 18/04/2024 16:00

Antibiotics can make a big difference in a short amount of time.

I'd do as your DH advises.

Candleabra · 18/04/2024 15:59

Anyone who gets upset about the impact on her event if a child is ill is not worth bothering about. Her only concern when she hears this should be for your DDs welfare.

dammit88 · 18/04/2024 15:58

Id be amazed if she isn't right as rain by Saturday.

VJBR · 18/04/2024 15:57

Three doses of antibiotics can make all the difference. Hold out at least until tomorrow. X

cadburyegg · 18/04/2024 15:57

Definitely tell her

theeyeofdoe · 18/04/2024 15:55

I’d see how she is tomorrow.

Crumpleton · 18/04/2024 15:52

Children can go downhill so quickly when feeling poorly.
Your DD has now been given antibiotics so hopefully with plenty of rest and lots of fluids she'll soon pick up, who knows she may feel well enough to want to join in with her Aunt's wedding on Saturday.

Your DD is being taken care of by way of rest, antibiotics and such so the only concern right now is how you're going to get out of the pre wedding brunch, if your DH/MIL doesn't want you to say anything are one or the other going to sit with DD tomorrow in order for you to be able attend, if not its a bit selfish of them to expect you to find a valid reason for not attending when they both know the true reason.

Fair enough they don't want you to say anything about your DD being poorly but I certainly wouldn't lie about why I can't come to the brunch.

ginasevern · 18/04/2024 15:43

I'm sorry your DD is unwell but your SIL needs to grow a pair ffs.

BaconMassive · 18/04/2024 15:29

I wouldn't go against the advice of others. What good does it serve? Just adds stress that might never happen.

whynotwhatknot · 18/04/2024 15:14

your sil isnt a child and everyone shhhoul stop walking on eggshells around her-youre dc is ill an thats that

Arlanymor · 18/04/2024 14:53

Even if she is a bit fraught, she is still an adult and deserves the truth.

Talk to your MIL and DH and come up with a Plan B and if necessary a Plan C between you so that when you break the news you have a couple of solutions to hand to break the blow a bit.

But these things happen, things go wrong at weddings, my cousin, his wife and kids couldn’t come due to an outbreak of measles, it was fine. Life is life.

CottonbudQueen · 18/04/2024 14:49

Can you find a replacement quickly and 'train them up' so that it still looks great ? And then tell her at some stage. So...SIL... there are unforeseen circumstances, but I've sorted it. But if child is still unwell, who will look after her on the day ?

idontlikealdi · 18/04/2024 13:53

You need to tell her! If she is unwell on Saturday will you be able to go to the wedding?

Comedycook · 18/04/2024 13:51

I think you should tell her...but I'd also say that she may well be fine by Saturday. Like a pp said, kids can bounce back very quickly.

5128gap · 18/04/2024 13:48

Could you and MiL come up with a plan B to present to SiL if DD can't make it? Anyone else who could be understudy for the poem? Can another child hold the sign? Anyone else who can lead the little ones? These are all the things that will need to be decided if DD can't go, so if you could have some suggestions ready for SiL, it may reduce her stress.

Mermaidsarereal · 18/04/2024 13:34

I'd tell her, your daughter may pick up by Saturday but if she doesn't your SIL needs to know now so she can change her plans if needs he.

viques · 18/04/2024 13:32

I would warn her that dd is on antibiotics, explain that you are hoping for the best, you still want her to do the flower girl stuff, and are optimistic that 48 hours of ab and rest will see her through.

Explain that the worst case scenario is that she isn’t well enough in which case you will pull out, but that you are hoping that she will be well enough for wedding day duties and photos but that you might have to cut short the rest of the day if she flops.

Original poster
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 18/04/2024 13:26

Thanks ladies, I do agree. I would rather know if it was me!

The irony is - she wanted an adult only wedding (which we were totally onboard with!) but she was guilt tripped by another family member! DD5 will be the oldest child at the wedding.

DH has said it’s his sister and he knows how badly she will freak out, she has fallen out with one of her bridesmaids over something so minor this week already. As much as I really like her, even minor inconveniences are world ending to her. He doesn’t think it’s worth the backlash and he would rather chance it with DD being ok for the wedding. DH has said if she finds out we didn’t tell her and she freaks, he will take the blame.

MIL has agreed with him, so I would be going against them both by telling her, and my MIL will be the first person she rings.

DD was not right and very emotional on Monday, and I kept her off school as a precaution on Tuesday, but it has only been in the last 24 hours that she has a high temp and crashed. She has had her first dose of antibiotics and I’ve been dosing her with paracetamol regularly. I had to wake her for her appointment this morning after being asleep for nearly 14 hours and she sobbed in the car that she was tired.

My younger DD will definitely be having a midday nap during the wedding day, and as I am pregnant I was intending on having one too, so DD5 could join us.

OP posts:
Clarich007 · 18/04/2024 13:13

Another vote here for telling her, she's an adult things happen, but at least she can plan for it if she knows.
Hope your little one feels a lot better by Saturday.Good luck

Wotchaz · 18/04/2024 13:06

What does your DD think? My 4 yo would be inconsolable to miss something like this and would rather be dosed up to do her “bits” and sleep in between than miss it. Is that an option?

BIossomtoes · 18/04/2024 13:05

Definitely give her the heads up then she can plan for the worst and hope for the best.

LardoBurrows · 18/04/2024 13:04

Fancybed · 18/04/2024 12:58

Is it Wednesday today? I've been in bed ill myself, but I thought I'd counted the days?

Show quote history

It's Thursday today.

BIWI · 18/04/2024 13:03

Has your DD been prescribed antibiotics?

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