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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give my SIL the heads up that DD is unwell before her big wedding

67 replies

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 18/04/2024 12:38

Basically that, my DD5 is the flower girl for my SIL’s wedding, the other flower girls are younger and follow her lead… and my SIL has also organised for her to hold a sign.. read a little poem etc. There have been quite a few rehearsals!!

The wedding is Saturday and no expense has been spared but DD is not well, she was sent home from school on Monday with no obvious symptoms, but went down quickly, this morning we’ve been to the doctors and she had a double ear infection, high temp, potential sinus infection and a nasty cough, she’s exhausted and sleeping most of the day.

MIL and DH have both said I cannot tell SIL that DD is unwell, as she is very stressed this week, but part of me thinks it’s best to give her the heads up? I am due to go to a pre wedding brunch tomorrow morning, but will have to cancel due to looking after DD, so I tell her DD is unwell or I have to make up a worthy excuse to be missing it.

OP posts:
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BuyOrBake · 21/04/2024 13:46

Perfect outcome!

Original poster
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 21/04/2024 12:05

BuyOrBake · 21/04/2024 10:51

Out of interest did your SIL know anything before or after the wedding that dd had been ill?

Show quote history

I didn’t reach out, it didnt seem worth it to have to deal with DH… MIL and SIL, if DH was willing to take any backlash that came if she was mad we hadn’t told her. At the brunch, I just slipped in that I needed to leave by 2, as my mum was watching DD5 as id kept her off school and she said “aww” all worked out well in the end!

OP posts:
BIWI · 21/04/2024 11:13

JFC @IvorTheEngineDriver why not RTFT?!

IvorTheEngineDriver · 21/04/2024 11:08

Tell her FFS. Your MIL and DH sound insane. How is keeping it from her with the resulting no show on the big day going to help anyone?????

BuyOrBake · 21/04/2024 10:51

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 21/04/2024 10:04

Thank you for the kind and helpful comments, very grateful and blessed, she was able to bounce back to her smiley self again Smile

Out of interest did your SIL know anything before or after the wedding that dd had been ill?

Original poster
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 21/04/2024 10:04

Thank you for the kind and helpful comments, very grateful and blessed, she was able to bounce back to her smiley self again Smile

OP posts:
Nail123 · 21/04/2024 01:19

Great news ☺️

BIWI · 21/04/2024 01:10

Glad to hear she's better and it went so well!

starrynight47 · 21/04/2024 00:25

Glad to read your update ! Kids can get better very quickly once they get treatment . So glad to hear that she was able to attend the big wedding - all's well that end's well.

honeyfox · 21/04/2024 00:19

Well done to your little lady!

viques · 21/04/2024 00:13

Glad she made it, the power of antibiotics. Thank goodness we still have some that work!

BuyOrBake · 20/04/2024 23:05

Jk987 · 20/04/2024 21:19

The solution in my view is to definitely go to the brunch tomorrow so that you can talk to your sister face to face. It's the best way of communicating! Your dh can look after his daughter.

The whole brunch doesn't have to be about this but you could mention it.

Either way you'll be there as her sister and that's the most important thing.

You're a bit too late!

Firstly it was the sister-in-law, not the sister and the wedding was today. OPs dd was well enough to go and all is well.

Jk987 · 20/04/2024 21:19

The solution in my view is to definitely go to the brunch tomorrow so that you can talk to your sister face to face. It's the best way of communicating! Your dh can look after his daughter.

The whole brunch doesn't have to be about this but you could mention it.

Either way you'll be there as her sister and that's the most important thing.

PoochiesPinkEars · 20/04/2024 21:09

Phew! Excellent, well done that little lady.

Original poster
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 20/04/2024 20:54

Little update if anyone cares… DD perked up Friday evening and woke up Saturday ready to go! She crashed after the wedding ceremony, woke up for the wedding breakfast, had a little dance, now the two littles are asleep, and I have my feet up! All is well

OP posts:
Original poster
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 19/04/2024 12:51

BIWI · 19/04/2024 10:05

How is she this morning @MalibuBarbieDreamHouse?

Very lethargic 😢my MIL was watching her this morning, she was mostly asleep but I’ve woken her for lunch and she doesn’t seem to remember her grandma being here, hoping the antibiotics kick in really soon, I just want her to feel better.

OP posts:
BIWI · 19/04/2024 10:05

How is she this morning @MalibuBarbieDreamHouse?

Original poster
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 18/04/2024 23:08

ziggies · 18/04/2024 19:34

Not meant to be passive aggressive but genuine. It may be her best excuse

Show quote history

She wouldn’t get an adult free wedding as her nieces and friends child are also flower girls. My DH said tonight, worse come DD5 isn’t well, then all the toddlers have to do is walk down the aisle, if it goes wrong, it will just be cute and something to laugh about!

I haven’t made contact, and my mum is babysitting tomorrow so I can go to the brunch. I think I will drop in that DD5 off school and see what her response is! Hoping the antibiotics kick in soon, she has been very tearful all day and DH has given in and she’s in our bed! I’m exhausted!!

OP posts:
ziggies · 18/04/2024 19:34

ziggies · 18/04/2024 19:22

Tell her. If she wanted an adult only wedding maybe she'll be happy

Not meant to be passive aggressive but genuine. It may be her best excuse

ziggies · 18/04/2024 19:22

Tell her. If she wanted an adult only wedding maybe she'll be happy

Trulyme · 18/04/2024 18:18

Perhaps compromise and don’t tell her today and she how she is by midday tomorrow.

I thought YABU but DH and MIL obviously know her better than you and any of us and if DD is going to feel better by Saturday then it seems silly worrying her over nothing at such a stressful time.

If worst comes to worst and DD is still feeling very poorly on Friday afternoon then I would tell SIL that it’s just come on.

Definitely give it time for the antibiotics to kick in tonight before saying anything.

GelbertG · 18/04/2024 18:06

If shes had antibiotics she may feel better within 24h.
Definitely by saturday

Apolloneuro · 18/04/2024 18:03

I’d listen to the people who know her best and say nothing.

Otherwise I think you run the risk of being the bad guy, especially if your daughter is well enough and the stress would be for no reason.

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/04/2024 17:42

My first thought was that of course your SiL should have as much notice as possible but her brother and mother both obviously feel that upsetting her, possibly needlessly, is the wrong thing to do. They know her best. Can they help to come up with an alternative plan and are either of them going to break the news on Saturday morning? Are there bridesmaids who can herd the other flower girls, read the poem? (I actually think expecting teeny children to do more than face the right way for photos is a bit optimistic at a wedding). Hope your DD recovers quickly and everyone enjoys the wedding.

Maddy70 · 18/04/2024 16:48

Kids bounce back. Her medication will have hit by Saturday. I bet shes fine by then. Fingers crossed