Rude or polite

Crikey!
What is wrong with you? Do you really think that everyone is out to kill you?

The world is divided into people who assume the worst of anyone they meet and those who don't.

I count myself as someone who doesn't.

Unsurprisingly, I meet very few people who are rude to me. I am polite, but assertive and I think I'm pretty good at giving out a "don't mess with me" vibe.

He said excuse me. Not Hello, Sugar Tits.

But she is not a mind reader so can't have known that...?

Op your question doesn’t really help us to help you.
If he just said to you ‘excuse me’. why would you just say ‘no’
Maybe you are getting a kick out of the attention you are getting from us.

OP wasn't socialising, the man wasn't 'smiling innocently' and you don't have to be young or pretty to be harassed.

A lot of men don't like hearing the word NO from a woman, so they construe it as rude. But rude, like greed, can be good.

@ButterflyKu That's right, best ignore from the get-go.

How do some people cope with everyday life?

It is normal to interact with other humans. If you are out socialising and a man looks at you or smiles at you innocently do some of you say NO in his face?

I'm not even sure OP is young and pretty. I'm sure she said she was a Grandma on another thread. She may be gorgeous but to assume she is being hit on my a man saying excuse me is just weird.

I think I would have wondered what he wanted, and heard him out, but @Dullardmullard YANBU to do what you want. If you don't want to engage with ANYone, that's up to you. You don't owe a strange random man a conversation or a response. And him coming back to you was odd. You weren't behaving like men think women should behave. (Polite and subservient.) And he couldn't take it.

OP said that she didn’t like his body language. It doesn’t really make sense that she should have responded ‘yes’ to his question or listen to what he had to say. Regardless of what he wanted, the OP wasn’t interested and there’s nothing wrong with that. OP trusted her gut and was right to shut him down

It is hard to walk by when you are standing/sitting at the bus stop.

A little story: I was in a shop, a man came up to me: 'Excuse me'. Me: 'What?' Can I ask you something?' 'Yes, what?' 'Would you take your knickers down for me?'

I was 12. This was in the 80s. I told my grandma (a woman with exquisite manners) and she said that if anyone approaches me again to just get away from them and not engage or care about being rude. It's a shame that the children of some posters might not be getting sound advice like this even in the 2020s.

FWIW I don’t think you were rude, in spite of what so many posters are saying it’s self protection sometimes to not engage with strangers, mostly men.

I bet this conversation isn’t being had by a man somewhere wondering if he was rude! I also bet he didn’t approach a man to ask whatever.

I had a similar scenario once, approached by a man/teenager and I said ‘no’ instantly, he said ‘you don’t know what I’m going to say’ but I did, I probably looked like I didn’t have street smarts but he was wrong, I’d lived in London for years and could spot trouble a mile off. he wanted something from me and I wasn’t interested so he got shirty but that wasn’t my problem.go and ask a man, not me.

What is it with all the weird replies saying you should have heard him out? I also cut them off and say 'no, sorry'. It stops the spiel and moral pressure - and it's always to give cash.

I've been conned a few times and this is the best way - you have to look after yourself.

Incidentally the last one about grammar made me wince. Grammar comes more easily to some people than others; but I do not consider it an excuse for not listening to or respecting what someone has to say.

It's the sort of ableist BS - the smug variety at that - which too-often infests MN these days.

Dyslexia is a real and not uncommon issue and says absolutely nothing about the writer's intelligence. On the contrary, some of the dyslexic people I work with are amongst the brightest.

Putting people down to make a cheap point never reflects particularly well on the person doing the 'correcting'. Because that's exactly what it looks like. Small-minded, and cheap.

Can’t believe some people are saying, ‘you should have waited to see what he wanted.’ If any of you are parents, I hope you don’t give the same advice to your daughters (regardless of their age!)

She literally said "no" at someone saying "excuse me" to her.
Your situation just doesn't sound comparable, if someone is giving off weird body language vibes or whatever, you trust your gut and just carry on walking by.
OP doesn't sound anything like that though.

A bit rude, yes.
If your friends pointed this out then you probably don't need to ask.

Nope. Not rude at all. I usually don’t even give them eye contact.

Left McDonalds a few days ago and a man walked past me, slowed down to walk next to me and started saying something (couldn’t really understand anyway). I kept on walking and had straight tunnel vision. He walked off, looked back and said, ‘I live in your estate, I’m trying to talk to you and you’re ignoring me.’ And walked off shaking his head.

You know straight off the bat what their goal is. You know from their body language, the way they approach you and so many other things. I don’t even give them a no, just ignore. Whenever I’ve spoken, I’ve always received a load of abuse too OP.

Can’t believe some people are saying, ‘you should have waited to see what he wanted.’ If any of you are parents, I hope you don’t give the same advice to your daughters (regardless of their age!)

100% this.

'Batshit! If you were a bar of chocolate you’d eat yourself'

'What possessed you to write such a weird f*cking post'

'OP wanted a man bashing thread'

'... ”could of” does make me judge a person strongly. Sorry. It’s just awful.'

These posts say it all. And on a thread where posters presume to lecture the OP on the importance of not being rude.

Incidentally the last one about grammar made me wince. Grammar comes more easily to some people than others; but I do not consider it an excuse for not listening to or respecting what someone has to say.

And I have to state that the idea that the OP should have just said she was not interested, made me laugh. Of course as we all know an 'I'm not interested' is invariably accepted and respected by a man, and never leads to a negative reaction.

I think that the OP is being disingenuous; she could easily have provided a bit of context to the situation for example he was soliciting signing up for a charity or some such.
She’s left people to guess at the reason he approached her and a lot of people have guessed that he was trying to pick her up, which may be far from the truth.
I reckon she’s a bit bored with her life and just wanted to stir things up a bit on a good old mumsnet!

Why should you have to absorb someone's message out of politeness and then tell them no .

Well technically you don't have to but most of us agree it's best to check before being an unmitigated twat.

Eta: It's not about his feelings but OP's dignity, ie, it says more about her than him.

To clarify, if he was flirting, creeping, selling or begging then you were not rude, if you don't know what he wanted then you were.... his actions along with 'excuse me' are very relevant

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time .
I know exactly how you feel . Saying no makes it clear you want no engagement in whatever it us they are going to launch into.
Why should you have to absorb someone's message out of politeness and then tell them no .
I think you were pretty brave and boundaried to halt any unnecessary engagement.

Or he could have been selling or begging..... so also not rude in those contex

👏👏👏

That's what I thought.