Rude or polite

Just plain rude let's hope you never need to ask something some day

I think she sounds rather rude and I'm neither a man nor a MRA.

Where are all these PP suggesting he was hitting on her getting this from? OP hasn't once said he was creepy or perving on her

Lol exactly, she said he literally said excuse me which got "no "
Seems to be an awful lot of projection on this thread

And people with your misogynist agenda always pull out the must be exhausting being so indignant about this kind of thing all the time card.

Why is that?

Where are all these PP suggesting he was hitting on her getting this from? OP hasn't once said he was creepy or perving on her. Nobody is going to come on MN and ask AIBU for saying 'NO' to a man showing unsolicited sexual attention.

💯👏🏼

Show me the etiquette book that advocates being unfailingly polite to random men who hit upon women in the street

He said excuse me.

Random men - people too.

@Akamai
It must be exhausting for you being da menz apologist all the time

People with your agenda never have a better argument than this (or the predictable “you must be a man then”). Why is that?

Yeah sounds rude. Should have let him finish speaking and don’t assume he was trying to get you in to bed love

Show me the etiquette book that advocates being unfailingly polite to random men who hit upon women in the street. Does it offer the appropriate phraseology?

'Excuse me' can actually be rude when its purpose is to lock someone into an unwanted discussion. Tbh it gets my back up when someone says 'excuse me' then silence - no not paranoia, just the consequence of many previous experiences.

I think the Op was very clear. Actually I don't think her responses were particularly rude given some of the rudeness that has been directed at her. Quite frankly, some of it is greater by an order of magnitude than anything she has posted. It is fine to disagree - but a few posters should really be ashamed.

Neither is anyone with the OP on any AIBU thread.

But if you think the OP is a liar you shouldn’t even be on her thread. Because what’s the point?

You keep ignoring that OP was there, not you

Neither were you.

You keep ignoring that OP was there, not you, and therefore she was better able to judge whether he was a creep or not. And you also ignore that she was right, he was a creep.

I think if I'd been spoken to like that purely for saying "excuse me", I may well have metaphorically (or verbally) stuck two fingers up to her too.

It wasn’t purely excuse me though, his next line confirmed he was hitting on OP and wanted her to explain to him that she wasn’t interested in him.

I'm not going to engage with you any further on this

I’m glad that you realise you don’t need to engage with me.

Now do OP the courtesy of recognising she also doesn’t need to engage with people who approach her, especially creeps who hit on women at bus stops.

it must be exhausting being so indignant about this kind of thing all the time.

It must be exhausting for you being da menz apologist all the time.

'People have insulted her about her spelling.
I think they're suggesting that her telling of the story was so poorly-relayed that she's probably an unreliable narrator, more than insulting her about her spelling.'

Wrong. People have insulted her about her spelling, and as has already been pointed out were snobbish and potentially disablist in doing so. There is absolutely no reason at all to think this makes her an unreliable narrator.

OP was an unreliable narrator because she was an unreliable narrator - her account wasn't clear and she made no attempt to clarify when posters asked, in fact she insulted them.

She thought she was being picked up about her spelling when in fact it was her grammar. Insulting her was unnecessary I agree, but most posters didn't do that. OP was pretty rude too. If you are going to do that on MN be prepared to put your tin hat on and don't be surprised to get a few return shots.

And some posters may like to read 'Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People'

'"Excuse me" is not a chat up line. '

Wrong. It frequently is....or rather the opener to a chat up line.

'People have insulted her about her spelling.
I think they're suggesting that her telling of the story was so poorly-relayed that she's probably an unreliable narrator, more than insulting her about her spelling.'

Wrong. People have insulted her about her spelling, and as has already been pointed out were snobbish and potentially disablist in doing so. There is absolutely no reason at all to think this makes her an unreliable narrator.

'Context is everything though. It makes no sense to abruptly say no in every situation regardless of context.'

I actually agree with this statement and have specifically said much the same. But absolutely nobody has advocated abruptly responding 'no' regardless of the situation or context; only on those occasions when it seems the appropriate and safe thing to do. The Op was there and we weren't; I would rather respect that she trusted her own instinct and felt that 'no' was the best thing to say. It turns out she was right.

'I'm not going to engage with you any further on this because your "it's a man, his intentions must have been nefarious" view is so blinkered and tiresome and there's simply no making people like you see any kind of sense or other way of looking at a situation other than through the lens of your agenda, but goodness, it must be exhausting being so indignant about this kind of thing all the time.'

Here we go again. Speaking for myself:

I don't have an agenda unless it is to keep safe.

I don't hate men as already pointed out, I like a lot of them and fully believe most of them don't have nefarious intentions. But I know (from personal experience) where the biggest threat comes from when out and about, and it is not from random women. Yes it does make me rather indignant. No it is not exhausting; I say and do what is necessary to keep safe then forget about it.

Sorry you think it is tiresome but no I don't need you to 'make' people like me see sense.

Some posters may like to read 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker.

"Excuse me" is not a chat up line. What world do you live in that you think it is, unless you're also so presumptuous as to assume that every man that dares speak to you for any reason is coming on to you?

I think if I'd been spoken to like that purely for saying "excuse me", I may well have metaphorically stuck two fingers up to her too.

I'm not going to engage with you any further on this because your "it's a man, his intentions must have been nefarious" view is so blinkered and tiresome and there's simply no making people like you see any kind of sense or other way of looking at a situation other than through the lens of your agenda, but goodness, it must be exhausting being so indignant about this kind of thing all the time.

👏👏👏👏

Well said @AE9766

"Excuse me" is not a chat up line. What world do you live in that you think it is, unless you're also so presumptuous as to assume that every man that dares speak to you for any reason is coming on to you?

I think if I'd been spoken to like that purely for saying "excuse me", I may well have metaphorically (or verbally) stuck two fingers up to her too.

I'm not going to engage with you any further on this because your "it's a man, his intentions must have been nefarious" view is so blinkered and tiresome and there's simply no making people like you see any kind of sense or other way of looking at a situation other than through the lens of your agenda, but goodness, it must be exhausting being so indignant about this kind of thing all the time.

Good lord, of course there's nothing wrong with saying no to a creepy bloke, we've all had to do it. But there's absolutely no evidence in her OP that he was a creepy bloke. None whatsoever. He said "Excuse me". That's all he approached her with. A polite opener. She still has no idea what he wanted. She did that purely on the basis that he was a man, and those who've agreed with her have done the same. You're doing it yourself. Assuming he was a creepy man when there's no evidence to suggest that, just because he's man. Why do people think this is OK?

Thank you @AE9766
You have articulated this much better than my poor attempts.

He didn’t accept OP’s rejection and berated her for not accepting his chat up line by saying she should have given him a response HE deemed appropriate.

@Akamai How do you know he was trying to chat her up? It isn't clear from the OP at all. She knew what she was thinking but her attempt to tell us what happened was very poor and badly explained.

You have just assumed what his intentions were. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because I wasn't there, and neither were you. Do you always assume the worst of any male who tries to talk to you?

The OP's story gives no context as to why the man was trying to talk to her. Some posters are projecting and reading that all he was trying to do was chat her up. We don't know that and neither do the posters defending the OP's rude behaviour.

Being polite does not make me an apologist, misogynist or Stepford wife. It just means that I am not rude to people who simply say "excuse me"

I’m going by the OP, because I believe she is best placed to judge what was going on there, not you and others.

Her instincts told her to not trust the man and to shut him down straight away.

All she said was ‘no’.

And she was proved right because he was a creep. He didn’t accept OP’s rejection and berated her for not accepting his chat up line by saying she should have given him a response HE deemed appropriate.

I think they're suggesting that her telling of the story was so poorly-relayed that she's probably an unreliable narrator, more than insulting her about her spelling.

I’ve just read back and people are berating her for saying could of instead of could have.

If you think that makes her an unreliable narrator then let’s hope you’re not ever on a jury.

This all day long!

Good lord, of course there's nothing wrong with saying no to a creepy bloke, we've all had to do it. But there's absolutely no evidence in her OP that he was a creepy bloke. None whatsoever. He said "Excuse me". That's all he approached her with. A polite opener. She still has no idea what he wanted, because she jumped straight down his throat. She did that purely on the basis that he was a man, and those who've agreed with her have done the same. You're doing it yourself. Assuming he was a creepy man when there's no evidence to suggest that, just because he's man. Why do people think this is OK?

People have insulted her about her spelling.

I think they're suggesting that her telling of the story was so poorly-relayed that she's probably an unreliable narrator, more than insulting her about her spelling. Her OP and subsequent posts paint her to be an "and then I turned around and said" kind of person, and most rational people are never going to take that kind of story at face value.

You are calling her a raging twat, at least own it.

I didn't call her a raging twat. I would have gladly said "The OP is a raging twat" if I wanted to do that. Her behaviour in the moment and to everyone on this thread has been ragingly twatty, though.

Context is everything though. It makes no sense to abruptly say no in every situation regardless of context.

Oh right, now women need to be kind to creeps selling them drugs or to weirdos trying to convert them to their cult. 🤣

I’m religious, we don’t approach randos at bus stops, people don’t like that.

Not really, he still could have been trying to sell her something, talk about religion etc and was trying to pull her up on her rude response. However what we can judge by the OP's responses on here is that she is rude, aggressive and her ego CANNOT contemplate any other reason for him approaching her than that he fancied her!
People saying if a man did this no one would have a problem with it and women are being socially conditioned for men...wow! Of course if a man did this it would still be considered rude!!!!