Rude or polite

A really scruffy looking bloke came up to me in the street a few weeks ago and said "excuse me" I nearly brushed him off as i thought he was going to ask for money but I said "yes" and he said "you've dropped your bank card" and handed it back to me. He didn't ask for anything, got a very grateful response from me and basically saved me a lot of problems.

Don't brush someone off until you know what they want OP

Rude.
He hadn't even said anything apart from "excuse me"
What were you saying no at? Someone daring to speak to you?

How do you know he wasn't going to ask directions

OK, I have not RTFT so I'm not sure which way the wind is blowing on this one, but I think you trusted your instincts and they were right.

A genuine 'ask the timer' 'could you tell me the way to-er' etc would have clocked your initial reaction and thought 'oops, shouldn't have done that' and retreated pdq.

Your man came back. Crucial bit of info there - creepy and unwanted.

You did the right thing.

You know, I've been thinking about your (utterly ridiculous) response all afternoon.

It looks to me as if you're saying that another woman can't disagree with you on an issue of womens' rights (if this is loosely what this would fall under), and if they do dare to disagree, they must be accused of being a man, or an incel.

That's not very feminist of you, is it? A woman not allowed to hold a different opinion?

I, as a woman, disagree with you about something another woman did, as do most people on the thread. I think the OP was rude. Again, so do most of the respondents. Are you saying that we should not, and because we are also women we must agree with you?

I am happy with my intelligence but I am always grateful if I do make an error and it is pointed out. We can all learn. Nothing wrong with having standards.

Yes. It's crass.

Clearly, different people have different interpretations of the word 'rude', or sense that in some situations rudeness might actually be the advisable response. Or, indeed, that one rude response amounts to a rude person.

It's all rather lacking in nuance.

But 'correcting' others' grammar and spelling, especially when your own is not 100% accurate, is never other than a dick move and isn't quite the gotchya the grammar pedants think it is. It doesn't make you appear more intelligent. Nor does it make your particular side of any argument the more persuasive. In fact, it undermines it to the tune of 'is that the best you've got?'

It's fooling no one and just makes you look a dick.

I don't get why pp are asking for context.
Context 'A' asking to sign a petition.

Context 'B' there has been a terrible accident and he needs someone to call the emergency services.

Now using the context clues the OP has put in post, considering this person had the time and arrogance to come back later and start another conversation, that basically meant- how dare you think that not giving me all you time and attention was an option.

Anyone who has basic respect for other ppl and themselves, would accept the 'no' and move on, or be sensible enough to decide they don't want to waste their time on a random person who said no.

YANBU

Looking at your responses on this thread, manners are not your forte, and something you clearly struggle with in day to day dialogue. Every single response you have made to this thread has been impolite. Do you notice that people tell you quite often that you’re rude? Maybe they call it obnoxious, arrogant, fiery, standoffish…

You accuse people here of being stupid but you asked if you were rude and they have confirmed that you were. What more do you want?

You had no idea what the man wanted when he approached you- it was your ego that assumed he wanted to ask for your number or whatever you thought (you haven’t actually said). You still don’t know what he actually wanted to ask of you.

This.

I use the same tactic when approached by salespeople and chuggers in the street. A blunt ‘no’ in response to their cheery ‘how are you today, madam?’ I’m not mean (I don’t think)… I just use my life experience to avoid unwelcome male interruptions.

I would never do it to a woman or child.

@Dullardmullard ignore the haters - well done on having boundaries. You don’t owe random man nice.

No it's not. It's the case that men routinely try to treat women like this and they aren't owed attention because they demand it.

Do you also think that only conventionally attractive women are ever raped? Or do you accept that power, strength and entitlement might be at play in violence against women?

Here’s the rude response, ladies and gentlemen.

Usually when you are rude, people’s reactions are usually rude too 🤷‍♀️
You can’t call people dense for asking further questions and expect polite responses

I don’t understand the need to be so rude
In the first place

I think coming back to to say you could of just said your not interested was a polite way of pointing out how rude you were

Given there are so many sticklers for politeness on this thread, it is remarkable how much rudeness is being directed at the Op.

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

@Dullardmullard There is no context here. I have read all of your posts and you haven't explained yourself at all.

You don't know what he wanted. You were at a bus stop. He might have wanted to know when the next bus was or whether the number 33 stopped there.

Your colleagues are right - you were very rude.

When someone says "excuse me" they don't expect someone to shut them down with a flat "no".

Would you have said no if a woman had said exceuse me to you? Why do you assume he was hitting on you.

Something is amiss here.

I mean, if he had of been asking the time & you just said ‘no.’ You would have looked like a right dick 😂 you must think highly of yourself to assume any man approaching you was going to ask you out! Fair enough on this occasion you were right, but it was rude when you had no idea what he was going to say.

Excuse me?
No.
= Rude.

Excuse me?
Yes?
Would you like to go out sometime?
No.
= Not rude

I can live with that.

God OP, you sound absolutely horrid and I'd say the guy who showed you some polite interest has dodged a bullet.

He merely said "excuse me". Even if he wanted to ask you out on a date or for your number, what's wrong with that?

If you'd heard him out, and you responded with a polite "sorry I'm not interested", and THEN he persisted in harassing you further and refusing to take no as an answer, then fair enough. But how is anyone supposed to couple up with another person unless one of them makes the first move to approach? Of every time a bloke approached me and I instantly shut them down with "No!" I'd be on my own forever.

He wasn't being vulgar, or wolf whistling, or car calling. It was a simple polite "excuse me".

He was right, a friendly "I'm not interested" would have been nicer. He didn't deserve the rudeness imo.

He's right
Your friends are right
Mumsnet majority are right

Go figure!

Maybe learn a little humilty, because you really do come across as arrogant and self important.

I'm always waving the flag for feminism, but not every man who shows interest in getting to know a woman is a prick. He sounded perfectly nice. Even if he wasn't your type, did he really deserve that?!

If it was the other way round you'd think he was a right arsehole.

I'm very surprised by all these comments - clearly OP you picked up something about his vibe and knew he was going to chat you up (given he said about saying you're not interested).

Women should not have to endure approaches by random men. It's not our obligation to hold our tongues and be polite (heaven forbid we're impolite! the horror) until we're absolutely SURE that they're definitely chatting us up in unwanted advances.

I get approached SO often by blokes asking for money, or blokes being creepy and tbh I'd just start with a firm no because whatever they're saying I don't have time to hear it.

Absolutely true.
Why deliberately be antagonistic- The bloke could have launched an attack - things like that do happen.

I think that picking on people's grammar, accusing them of dumbing down and blaming them for making children sound thick is all very - what's the word again? - rude.

I do that with door to door salespeople and chuggers. It’s so much easier to just say no before they get a chance to say whatever spiel is about to spew forth.

Being so good looking and just knowing what a man is gonna say before he says it you are the chosen one.

So when did they let you out.🍿🍿🍿

@Dullardmullard @WiddlinDiddlin
I had a man say “ Excuse me” - I ignored him, til he said it again and pointed and said You have dropped a £20 note.
He could so easily have picked up my money and kept it - and I’d only have noticed when I’d gone to buy food.

I was very grateful to him and his honesty.

Not all men have nefarious reasons for saying “ Excuse me”

Once walking by an urban city farm ( new to area) with DS in his buggy an expensive looking car pulled up and said “Excuse me”
This man WAS being nefarious- he asked how much I charged for a BJ.

I was speechless-never having been asked that before- and told him not to be so daft-He drove off and I went into the City Farm and told one of the women there- she said “ This is an area used by working women and punters are always cruising around.

A female friend bought her first house near there and said it was pretty bad back in those days.

Even so- who would do sex work with a baby in tow?!

Since visiting the area 20 yrs later, it feels very different.