Page 6 | Colleague informing my manager of a medical issue

Sparklybutold · 2024-04-17T22:44:33+00:00

I work frontline with members of the public, around 95% of it wfh. I have always suffered with a myriad of neurological and musculoskeletal problems throughout my life. Recently I have been referred to neurology, with MS being one of many diagnoses. I informed my manager during supervision as I have been open about my health issues since I started. My job suits my needs and limitations well. I am very proactive in ensuring I access all the support I can. During a conversation with a colleague I told her about this referral. She didn't ask many questions, just 'that she was familiar with MS as she had family/friends diagnosed'. I told her that I had already informed our manager. This colleague informed me today by email that she has let my manager know as she is 'duty bound' to ensure my safety. This has really angered me. I've already told our manager - I told her this. So she has effectively told them again? She didn't actually enquire about my own symptoms, supposedly going on her own understanding of MS. The tone of the email feels extremely infantilising and judgemental. Confidentiality is central to our work. In instances that requires us to break this confidentiality, we let the person know. She told me after. I have supervision on Friday with my manager. How do I broach this?

Original poster

Sparklybutold · 18/04/2024 00:15

IfIwasrude · 18/04/2024 00:11

She had no reason to disbelieve you when you told her that the information had already been passed up. To imply that you couldn't be trusted to discharge that responsibility yourself is disablist and disrespectful. From the social disability perspective, she is contributing to your disability by treating you this way. It also seems likely that she is using your disability to make herself seem superior which is just awful. I completely understand why you would feel that way. However I'm not sure what good it would do to raise it with your supervisor at this point. It adds fuel to the fire. If there is a similar incident again, that would be a different matter. At most, I might say, "X has let me know that she felt duty bound to inform you of my diagnosis that we have already discussed. I had previously told her that you were aware as that is of course my responsibility but I'm sure you were able to reassure her." And just leave it at that.

Edited

This is exactly where I'm at now. In the line of work we do - she should have known better. I need to be a lot more careful from now on. It does hurt as I know she has discussed things with me that I would never think of then disclosing to our manager as I was 'duty bound'.

OP posts:

Understatedcarriage · 18/04/2024 00:14

I would feel really annoyed at your colleague in this situation too. It seems really patronising and interfering.

IfIwasrude · 18/04/2024 00:11

She had no reason to disbelieve you when you told her that the information had already been passed up. To imply that you couldn't be trusted to discharge that responsibility yourself is disablist and disrespectful. From the social disability perspective, she is contributing to your disability by treating you this way. It also seems likely that she is using your disability to make herself seem superior which is just awful. I completely understand why you would feel that way. However I'm not sure what good it would do to raise it with your supervisor at this point. It adds fuel to the fire. If there is a similar incident again, that would be a different matter. At most, I might say, "X has let me know that she felt duty bound to inform you of my diagnosis that we have already discussed. I had previously told her that you were aware as that is of course my responsibility but I'm sure you were able to reassure her." And just leave it at that.

Original poster

Sparklybutold · 18/04/2024 00:09

WarshipRocinante · 18/04/2024 00:00

Well, you told her. So you broke your own confidentiality. And she hasn’t gossiped; she reported it upwards because it clearly weighed on her and she worried about your ability to do the job/the impact of the job on you.

If you don’t want people talking about you or reporting concerns then don’t tell them this stuff. I actually think it’s quite bad form to unload onto a co-worker about your health issues, because they haven’t agreed to be a sounding board for that sort of pain. It’s one thing if they are a close friend as well as colleague. But discussing conditions which are actually quite bad, and get worse with time… it’s not fair to do that and expect someone to just hold it in their head and be OK with it. Especially if she has watched someone close to her go through the degeneration of MS.

Edited

Yes I told her. I also told her I've already told our manager. So why tell her again? I didn't just dump it on her either. It was part of a discussion we were having owing to both of us having chronic health conditions. I have spent a lot more time listening to her issues and difficulties. I would not then be going to my manager about this. She is a grown adult who is capable of making up her own mind whether she is able to do her job. But she then goes on to inform my boss? Why?

Personally, I'm finding it difficult to move past the fact this is just a shitty thing to do.

OP posts:

WarshipRocinante · 18/04/2024 00:00

Well, you told her. So you broke your own confidentiality. And she hasn’t gossiped; she reported it upwards because it clearly weighed on her and she worried about your ability to do the job/the impact of the job on you.

If you don’t want people talking about you or reporting concerns then don’t tell them this stuff. I actually think it’s quite bad form to unload onto a co-worker about your health issues, because they haven’t agreed to be a sounding board for that sort of pain. It’s one thing if they are a close friend as well as colleague. But discussing conditions which are actually quite bad, and get worse with time… it’s not fair to do that and expect someone to just hold it in their head and be OK with it. Especially if she has watched someone close to her go through the degeneration of MS.