Colleague informing my manager of a medical issue

She also had no reason to believe the OP

Bollocks. Op is an adult with a professional job- do you presume everyone you work with are incompetent liars? Because unless it’s proven otherwise, it’s usual and sensible to presume your colleagues are normal human beings who are doing what they say they are.

likely following protocol.

clearly she wasn’t following protocol otherwise the op wouldn’t be surprised and pissed off about it, and there would be a standard procedure for reporting your colleagues health issues that would be a lot more robust than just sending their manager a random email. That isn’t how ‘safeguarding’ works in any organisation.

@Sparklybutold doesn’t need some random colleague to act as her saviour. She is disabled, not stupid or dishonest.

Its so ridiculously over the top, not even your doctors know yet if you have MS. The possible symptoms and progression of an illness you MIGHT possibly have is far to nebulous to form a safeguarding concern. They've not only decided you have MS, but apparently you also have the rapidly progressive type. The discussion should be around what is actually happening for you, what is worsening, why has your doctor raised this possibility, do any of the worsening symptoms effect your work or your mental health or raise safeguarding concerns.

It sounds like your manager hasn't bothered to discuss your actual health, and what is actually going on and has instead focused on telling you how bad an illness you MIGHT have could be. Several posters aldo seem to have missed the fact you dont t have a diagnosis and that you are having more possibilities than just MS investigated. Two very experienced doctors thought I had MS, nothing showed in tests and 5 years later while other symptoms have worsened, they're all due to my original diagnosis.

As satisfying that it would feel initially, the likely outcome would be the colleague being all faux naive and “oh but I just wanted to make sure you were getting any help you need” and “we do work with the public and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t getting too tired and opening yourself up to the possibility of making a mistake” blah blah. No one would be able to disprove her intentions and it would just make you more angry!

Oh, this, I like this! Please ignore the reply by Warshiprocinante at the top! Really unhelpful and not understanding! I feel you should absolutely mention this and how it has made you feel to your manager, even if just for a bit of supervision on it or something. Yeah, I’d be weary of the colleague moving forward.

I understand why you feel really let down by your colleague. You were hoping for peer support and someone to confide in. She hasn’t acted in the way that you hoped and you know now that she isn’t the person you hoped she was.

I don’t think you will get anywhere with trying to get your manager to say what your colleague did was wrong. Disclosing that information could have been from a place of concern for your well-being or that of your service users. I know you feel she’s weaponised your medical situation to make you feel less secure in your relationship with your manager but don’t let her succeed. Keep on good terms with your manager, move forward with your head held high knowing that you’ve been honest and transparent and your colleague’s interference was unnecessary.

HoppingPavlova · 18/04/2024 05:37
I would respond to her and cc your manager. Something along the lines of ‘given I had advised you that I had informed my manage of this medical condition, can you clarify what aspect that you felt duty bound with and what you were hoping to achieve overall with this communication’.

This is exactly what you should do. Be clear with both of them.

You have every right to be angry. What a horrible thing your colleague did. I’d never confide in her again.

I was told something similar and then was told that they had told their manager and everybody.

then their manager asked me in passing - about 2 months later - were they okay because it seemed like they werent.

i said oh surely its just their condition and they had told me that they occasionally struggle to manage it but have to do x y or z. Cue the manager looking horrified, clearly having not been informed.

manager had not been informed and effectively i had not done my
job properly… as i should have informed.

Don't overthink it now - this woman is not a friend, at least you know now.

The manager sounds out of her depth and is probably worried.

Focus your energies on you, not them. Tell them nothing until you have more information. Put all your energy into self-care for now and lean on people outside work.

I think the lesson from this is not to disclose anything to her. She is untrustworthy. Let your actual diagnosis be a total mystery to her. If she asks how things went explain you’re not willing to share because she unnecessarily broke your trust.

He should not have thanked her for letting him know. That implies she did the right thing and her information was appreciated - and that she should do the same in future.

He should have said nothing more than, 'It's not appropriate for me to discuss someone's private medical information.' Because it isn't.

Following what protocol? Are there really protocols directing people to disclose other people's private health information?

It's a breach of trust. If I were the manager I'd have given the colleague a bollocking.

How did the meeting go, OP? I don’t think your workmate had a duty of confidentiality towards you, she’s not your doctor or psychiatrist. In some situations eg alcoholism you’d probably have to bring it up. Depending also on what type of job you do. However, it does sound like it was none of her fuckinb business in this situation and she was shitstirring.

I wonder if she has a career plan through this duty bound malarkey?
Perhaps she's aiming for being the office champion in disabilities or support with wellness.
Then she'd get to 'know someone well' in all ailments and act like the super hero for 'saving them' with regular support/extra 121 meetings with her.
She'll be in one of your meetings with your supervisor next, with her folder full of people with health conditions that she can advise your manager on all her little experience with.
Then everyone will promote her and miss all the mistakes she's made at work/amount of sick days she's had or what ever else she's not been doing.
When you go to your meeting with your manager, just tell her you are declining to disclose further information outside of the meeting and ask that she can reassure you that this colleague has no access to your medical information.

Obviously your colleagues can't access the details but it sends a clear message to your manager that you know your rights about privacy and your colleague is over stepping.

I would put a grievance in against her.
Discussing someone else's medical conditions with another colleague is an invasion of privacy and possibly also GDPR if she told your manager over email.

Surely your manager will just be wtf? And assume your work mate is a weirdo

If I was your manager I would shut her down immediately and said it's not her business! She had likely made herself look bad

MS is a truly individual disease. And there are many types of MS. I see no need for her to be involved with discussion of your personal health matters again. And tell her just that.

@HoppingPavlovaI would respond to her and cc your manager. Something along the lines of ‘given I had advised you that I had informed my manage of this medical condition, can you clarify what aspect that you felt duty bound with and what you were hoping to achieve overall with this communication’.

👍🏼

The issue is that you've been open and honest, and your colleague has gone behind your back.

You're unhappy because you don't feel you have the respect and trust of this colleague.

However, you have to consider that fact that maybe she didn't want you to share such personal information. She maybe felt you were reaching out to her and it was a burden that she wasn't able to cope with.

She may just be a malicious, back-stabbing person.

But either way, her actions aren't going to gain her respect from anyone.

I know very little about MS. But I do know in a work environment, if a colleague approached me and said, for example, they have cancer, I would hope the company was aware and putting in place support and leading the way in how that support was going to happen.

What sticks in the craw - is after you telling her you'd told your manager - that she "felt duty bound" to also inform the manager.

If you'd told me and also told me that you'd informed the manager - I might also approach the manager, but my approach would be "X told me about her MS. Can I ask how the company is supporting her, and what we can do to support her?"

Because I would think you'd want everyone rallying together and if we can't give tangible support, to at least make sure we're not making your life more difficult.

It's a bit of a non-event in a way. You told her something, told her you had told the manager, she made herself look like a dick by telling the manager, and now you know not to tell her anything in future.

She is talking rubbish, from the information you are giving here about your job and employer, there was no reason to disclose your condition to your employer.
You didn't have to if you didn't want to, and it was absolutely not her place to do it. I would be furious too, and her email is so patronising!

How did your meeting go @Sparklybutold ?

How rubbish of your colleage. Take cafe of yourself

How does this relate to safeguarding?