To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

Mine's just got on with it.

If she hadn't I'd have got involved but she hasn't needed it.

She's on study leave and revising every day without my input.

She studied most days over the Easter holidays, too.

My youngest has ADHD so I'm expecting to need to help him with timetabling and time management.

My parents weren't at all involved, nor was DH's, I did well, DH did fine, we both would have done better with a bit more support. I'm more hands on with mine, we negotiate gaming and revision time (not yet at that age though but trying to start now as they have end of term assessments each term, doing this to help him work out how he revises best), you can't force a horse to drink and all that but I am planning on being more involved than my parents are. He cracks on with all his homework though, I never need to get involved with that and haven't got a clue what is due when, I just get notified by an app that it's done

I think you answered your own question OP by acknowledging your second born is different and will need more support . If DC1 is on it let them get on with it - and they will probably be irritated if you try and help when they don’t need or want it . The question ‘ do you need any help from me ‘ is good enough .

I have a child like yours, OP, who did their GCSEs last year. I occasionally asked how revision was going, and paid attention to his exam timetable. I proactively helped with testing on French (weakest subject and one where he wanted some help) and a little bit on English Literature, when asked.

I think he didn't need extra stress coming from us, and for him it worked better just to treat it as a series of tests and stay as relaxed as possible. It worked for him and he did very well.

It totally depends on the child. My eldest is very academic and very independent- she wouldn’t want me involved beyond a little bit of testing her from notes she’s made (and she will tell me when, I don’t have to be organised about it!)

Exh has arranged a language exchange through a colleague which I’m grateful for.

My youngest has ADHD and dyslexia and will probably need me involved at every step of the way.

I was involved because it is an unfair playing field. A quick google tells me the most expensive private school in England costs £64k one assumes boarding and Eton a mere £50k. My children were competing against that so you are damn right I was involved in my children's state school education.

My parents were hands off and I wish that I had someone invested in my future. I expanded my children's education from year 7 really, then as GCSE years came round I read mark schemes and examiner's reports to arm myself with information to assist them. Clearly they did the work, sat the exams etc but I enhanced their revision, sought the best online sources which helped me understand what exam boards are looking for and helped my children understand that. I saved them time doing some research so they had time to dedicate to what mattered. They were forced to do core subjects they didn't like but they excelled in it.

I couldn't help them with their A levels and nor did I want to, they narrowed their choices and chose subjects they loved. I went to uni despite my parents I wanted my children to have a choice, the better the grades the more choices they have.

@Araminta1003 - great answer!! I’d still provide tea and emotional support etc for DCs revising for uni exams if needed.

I have everything from a very gifted child to one who will never pass an exam because of his special needs - I'm just as proud of all of them . They all have their own pathways and work to do - for me it's about providing an environment for them that is happy and calm.. we don't have guests or late nights during exam season and revision or work is given priority over chores or meal prep for older kids . Our eldest is at uni and often travels back to study because she knows there will be space to think and food in the fridge

Aren’t you the lucky smug one?

It took both of us almost full time to support our ASD dd through GCSE. It was one of the worst times of my life.

You rock on though. I’m really pleased for you👌

@RedPony1 The content of GCSEs and general demand of them is vastly different to what they were even a decade ago, you really can't compare your experience with a student today, even without taking into account the impact of COVID and teacher retention and decline of classroom behaviour and the impact that has.

I didn't do any exam prep outside of lessons in school.
I don't know if they still do it now, but I had two weeks off for study leave before my GCSE's which I spent at the stables.

My parents didn't even know what days my exams were on, but I wouldn't have wanted their help studying or to be asked "how did it go?" after an exam anyway.

This! It's not that he's so wonderful that he doesn't need help - he just doesn't want ANY of it.

Lucky you. Try having a kid with ADHD, ASC, other SENS or struggles or a kid in a school that isn’t that great at exam prep, has had staff issues….

Not just about ability - it's about personality.
DD1 - no input at all other than taking her cups of tea
DD2 - liked to sit in bed with me and we would work through CGP books for hours, me quizzing her on the topics and getting her to repeat lists to me. It helped as she'd be revising on her own in the day and get stale

Surely it massively depends on the child

• do they have SEN (can still be very bright but find it hard to concentrate)
• do they like you testing them as a means to revise - my DS loved this for A level

There are levels and layers. Rehearsing your German IRP speech with one of your parents holding the script you’ve memorised is pretty normal for an A Level languages student.

I really don’t mind making cups of tea and snacks either.

i work at my daughters school as an examination officer and i'm not remotely involved in her studies. she's a level now and never got involved in gcse either. she's old enough to manage it herself. this kind of parenting is setting the kids up for a huge fall.

The thing is though no matter how bright and independent she is it is highly likely that's she's been taught by unqualified or supply teachers in at least some subjects during the GCSE course who will have done their best but are no comparison to a good reliable permanent subject teacher.

Putting in the extra effort of supporting them, quizzing them on flash cards, going through past papers in peace at home on the exam board website and the mark scheme to find out how to answer the question even if they are secure in the content makes a big difference. They may not have time to do it at school as still trying to finish the content. Schools are still reeling from the impacts of COVID and the teacher retention crisis I would not be leaving them to it at such a critical stage. I wouldn't be forcing it either but there is a happy middle ground of support and guidance.

Mine are also bright, very independent and high achieving. One even did the 11 plus for grammar entirely on his own- literally marked his own papers and figured out where to practise extra etc So what? All DCs are different. They were also really back chatty, argumentative and know it all from a youngish age with us parents telling us what to do!… 2 pretty much born to ace an Oxbridge interview.

1 DD did require some emotional support through GCSEs though- just wanted me to endlessly make her room nice, change sheets/lighting, nice food, cups of tea etc, every day comforts so she felt I was “involved” emotionally. And with 1 I had to really insist he takes a full one hour intense exercise break every day. Involvement does not just mean academic involvement. It is about supporting your child in whatever way they need. Some children require a ton of support to teach them how to learn/revise. Ideally they learn that by Year 10 but not all do.

Surely depends on the child. My parents didn't get involved. I was a swotty child, set myself a detailed and balanced revision timetable, stuck to it and got a great set of results, better than my best hopes.

My sister couldn't have cared less about her exams, did nil revision, and didn't get anything above an 'E'. In defence of my parents, she'd have resisted intervention even if offered. She was certainly capable of decent results - once she was settled down as an adult, she retook various exams and did fine, and got distinctions in some professional exams she took.

I have ADHD and although I was smart, I struggled with revision, so I barely did any. I really wish my parents had helped me in some way because I left school feeling like an absolute failure.

DD also has ADHD and you can be damn sure I'm going to support her in any way I can!

I've got the frustrating combination of a DD that reacts badly to all attempts at helping but equally hasn't got on with it until the last minute and is now complaining about how hard she's having to work.

Depends on the child and frankly the school.

DC school isn't good - teacher retention is poor - my older DC had few experience of exams or mocks before actual ones and in some subject the notes were dire. DH and I had end of year exams in our schooling not done for them - DD1 first exam sat in formal condition was her first GCSE at Christmas Y10- then covid hit.

DS asked for help - no idea how to revise never covered for him and there were gaps in notes and teaching due to teacher changes and absences and he felt overwhelmed - sat down with him he did well and has taken that knowledge and doesn't feel he needs help for AS levels exams - (In wales there 40% of exam).

DD1 never wanted help - always tried to insist reading though notes was enough - struggled through A-levels and is doing better with 100% course work first year at uni. I think soem of that poor exam revision.

DD2 is in Y10 facing first GCSE exams soon - and seems not to have taken on board what they are - school hasn't helped - so yea I'm trying to make sure some is done and especially in two subjects where she complained about teaching and in one her grades have hugely dropped. 3 of them are 40% of end mark - so if she does poorly it going to be hard to make up next year in Y11.

Totally depends on the child, I had planned to be very “hands off” like my parents were with me. I got increasingly concerned that my DS wasn’t doing any revision so I changed tack and got involved, he still failed.

My DD on the other hand is intelligent, independent, motivated and diligent. I won’t be getting involved unless she asks me to.