To not be remotely involved in teen's gcse revision

My DD was the same as yours @driedapricots101 which was just as well as I was dealing with dying parent at the time so wouldn’t have had the bandwidth if I’d wanted to.

I realise that I’m just lucky with the way she’s turned out though - she certainly doesn’t get her self-discipline and time management skills from me!

@Testina hit the nail on its head. But for what it’s worth, my bright and independent and good grade getting child has me involved in their studying and exams, but I care about my teens life.

This is encouraging to read as DD won't set the world on fire with results but we hope will get what she needs to do a levels at 6th form. The subjects she has chosen are ones she loves and is good at. She unfortunately also needs the minimum 5s for the umber of passes in subjects she a)hates and b)has always struggled with.

I'm told so often that because of this she's going to find a levels too much. But surely for some kids like your DD, if you are only doing those few subjects you have chosen because you enjoy them and are good at, without the other stuff there's every chance that actually, you could do very well?

That is nuts! DS1 is finishing a BTEC and will be going to uni in September

I can imagine his reaction if I tried to micro manage him!

@driedapricots101 I understand what you mean.

It does though depend on the child. DS1 is bright but easily bored if he isn't interested in a topic. He made it very clear he did not want any help with his GCSE's. If I had insisted it would have damaged our relationship.

He did OK with his GCSE's and got enough to move on to college.

DS2 I suspect will be more open to help, although ironically he doesn't really need any as he is bright and well motivated.

I help by asking my son questions, motivating him etc. He’s not into school work at all and if he had his way would read, sit with the dog or game. My other son is the polar opposite and every so often will ask me to ask him things

DS was in this position with a few subjects - did okay overall and is doing great at college.

DD2 does seems to have teachers but two subject - one core and two GCSE new teacher is struggling and another it's not their subject area and it's showing in how poorly entire class is doing.

I can see both sides. Some children do need more support than others but there is a line between present and interested and trying to micromanage your teenagers' lives. I read the thread the OP mentions and I did think some of it was a bit bonkers to be honest.
GCSEs is a funny time as teenagers mature at such different rates, and some people will have children who are nearing 17 and others will still be 15 when they sit the exams. I certainly noticed a big difference in maturity between my DD who was quite old for the year and my DS who was one of the youngest at that stage. It's not surprising that some need more parental input than others. Plus obviously it depends on the school. If I had to make sure my DC knew some of the stuff discussec on that thread I would be very unimpressed by their teachers but I do appreciate not everyone is as fortunate.
But I do think that by 6th form, study should be largely self directed (barring additional needs of course.) My youngest is just coming up to A levels. I check that he's ok regularly, keep him fed and watered and DH and I help him with queries if we can and point him in other directions if we can't. But it's up to him otherwise. He knows what he wants to do in the future,what he needs to do to get there and when and how to get help. Obviously I want him to do well and I do worry sometimes but he needs to be self motivated and organised at this stage. I know parents who do things like sit next to their 6th formers all evening to watch that they are actually working, and have their revision timetables on their phones so they can check they're keeping to schedule. I think that's nuts. These young people will, all being well, be living independently at University in 5 months time!

It's a skill set DC school has been lax about teaching. I ended up teaching DS it and he's applying it to A-levels.

Also DH and I sat 9 GCSE my kids 12-14 GCSE and the exams start fairly early in Y10 as well and mine are all very young in school year. So DH and I were 16 our older two kids had finished one GCSE completely aged 14 still and sat substantial amount of many others.

You might be an ok parent, but I hope you aren't passing that smugness to your children.

One of mine won't need me for anything academic, but will require me ensuring he eats/drinks and gets a bit of fresh air.

The other will need me to be there and keep him on track, he has inattentive ADHD and will have a prompter in his exams. He's exceptionally bright, but without the right environment won't reach his potential.

I'd be a fucking failure as both a parent and human if I couldn't recognise that they have different needs and act accordingly.

Both are predicted 7-9 across the board for their subjects by their school, but it's important the get the right, individual support at home.

Yeah, I'll just second all this and caveat my earlier post that my ds managed through his gcse's alone fine because he did it alongside a functioning school with actual teachers.

Depends on the child. It also depends on the teaching and the parents and a load of other stuff.

I have 2 daughters. Both are coming to finals at uni.

One scraped 5 and 6 at GCSE - she studied like hell, revised for weeks, she worked sooooo hard and was disappointed. Significantly better results at A level as more work was student led which meant her hard work paid off.
The other got 8s and 9s at GCSE, very little revision, not a study plan in sight etc. Got slightly worse at A level as unable to wing it quite so much.

Both heading for Firsts at uni barring any big surprises.

By support, I tidy their room for them, take hot drinks up, make up nice snacks. I don't get involved academically.

DD is doing A Levels and DS GCSEs. They're both clever but DD is motivated and DS is bone idle. I nag him more and I explain to him about consequences eg resitting a year, but I still don't get involved.

You sound amazing. What a shit show of an education system. Your child is lucky to have you. What a pain in the neck for you to have to do all this.

Yes, definitely the summer birthday pupils are still only 13, still babies when thinking about taking ownership and responsibility of GCSE grades.

I’ve not heard of this approach before—I wonder what happens to those who want to continue at A Level, and whether they start the course in Y10 or sit out for two years, and if so, what effect that has on their language retention…

I don't help. DS is far brighter than I am and doesn't need my help. I didn't do well at GCSEs and I don't have A levels or a degree myself. If he was struggling I'd hire a tutor as I'd be no use anyway. I'm here for emotional support and provider of snacks!

The OP has irritated me. The disingenuous wide-eyed, ‘my kid is clever, hard-working and doing well. Other kids are only doing well because they have over-involved parents. I am the cool uninvolved parent whose child doesn’t need my help. Am I a rubbish mum (I know I am not really butwant some validation) 🙄🙄🙄

I suspect you are suddenly feeling panicky that your hands-off approach might not be enough. Don’t worry. If your child is doing well then carry on. But do show some interest.

My kids refused help with anything. Both weirdly obsessed with never wanting help as their work had to be their ‘own’. They didn’t take kindly to any offers of academic support from us. And would have laughed if I had helped make a revision timetable. Whilst I was relieved not to have to test them on quotes from Jane Eyre or history dates, it would have been nice to get a look-in.

Anyway they got the top grades and are at uni now. My cousin was very very involved with his boys and even now completes their Oxbridge kids’ internship applications to banks etc for them. It works as they get offers everywhere!

Each family is different. Some kids want and need more than others and that’s ok. As parents we need to offer them a quiet space, food and drink and a supportive environment without too much pressure. The extra details don’t matter so much.

It isn't life or death, but it is naive to say that doing badly at GCSE doesn't close off more choices and opportunities.
My friend's D'S is retaking maths for the umpteenth time because it does make it more difficult to get a job without at least GCSEs in maths and English.

I never specifically helped. But I monitored screen time/bedtime/social stuff.

@RampantIvy theres a “bridging option” for those who want to do A level (or those who, like my DD, would rather carry on some French in return for fewer PE lessons!).

I’m not sure it is a good system, but it is the only choice we had for secondary.

My daughters school is so monumentally fucked that if I didn't help her she'd fail most subjects through their failings and not her own. She hasn't had a teacher for geography at all for most of year 11. Her timetable averages 2/5 lessons per day are free lessons due to lack of staff. It's April and they haven't completed the science syllabus yet in either physics nor chemistry. I could sit and pass gcse geography, maths , English lit and double science at this point because I've taken it upon myself to make sure she does- which means 1 hour a day plus extra at weekends revising with me. When she can finally escape and get into college (most of her friends want to go to college too but with entry requirements generally demanding b in math English and science they have little chance) she'll not need this level of intervention. I've looked at other school options for my youngest but as I live in a deprived area with social problems, and have no money to pay for education,or travel to a better area they are all the same here. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. There is a crisis in education and staff are impossible to find- this is already breaking failing schools in poor areas but will begin to filter into the more affluent areas too before long. Overhaul of the system is desperately needed, and I won't let my daughter be a victim of a broken system if I can help it.

It's not heartbreaking, it's just gcses - it's not life and death. It's annoying when you don't do as well as you hoped and then you learn to move on, adapt and learn. A run of green lights in life isn't really a great foundation to resilience as an adult.

In your position, I would leave her to it when it comes to the content of what she is revising, unless she asks for help, but familiarise yourself with her exam timetable, where she needs to be for each exam and the rubric - i.e. how many questions from each part of each paper she needs to answer. Just so you know the "logistics" for each exam, as it were.

The easiest way for a bright, self-motivated teen to do less well than predicated imo is to make a mistake on one of these things. And it's heartbreaking when it happens. So I'd have her back when it comes to the practical details.

Yes, listening, reading & writing are next month.

When I was at secondary we all did French at the start then you could choose something different for gcse, I carried on with French but my sister did Spanish, I assumed that was still “normal”. At DD’s school you can choose a new language in yr 10 after doing either Spanish or French gcse in yr 9.

No other subjects are done early, it used to be a “specialist language school” or something back when schools used to try to label themselves and I think it is a hangover from those days. It is a massive school (1550 pupils). They don’t even get study leave for it!

Part of me likes the fact it is a gcse out of the way, but I probably wouldn’t feel the same if DD wasn’t predicted a 7/8. Summer born kids must be at a disadvantage?

Why do you think this?

What do you consider to be "getting on in life"?