Should I pay for boyfriend’s pets if I move in?

I don't think you should move in with him either.
Of course you can't waltz in and start changing the dog's routine but your partner seems very set in his ways! He sounds like he's 20 years older than you, not 2!
Don't get me wrong, he sounds very sensible with his pets but do you guys ever go out and have some fun? Do you go on holiday or for weekends away?
You're young and childfree, so I get it that you want to enjoy life before children come along but I don't think your partner is on the same page as you there and from what you've said about him, he sounds patronising and controlling too. Oh and he asked you to move in to help with the bills? What a charmer!

His timetabling tendency would get to me. As others have pointed out how will he cope with the unstructured demands of babies and toddlers or teens.
First though you have to create them, will he make special times for sex? Spontaneity is a vital part of many couples lives. An impromptu quickie over the end of the table? is that allowed now?

Have you missed the point that the dog actually lives in a flat. Life can be slightly less structured if you have a garden for them to toilet in.

As someone who was married to a controlling and ultimately abusive man, this has red flags all over it. He sounds rigid and controlling; it's his way or nothing. All the compromise is on your part and he's critical of you. He also sounds dull!
If I was you, I'd leave this stick in the mud to it. You're too young to be living like grandparents. Enjoy your life and have fun.

Dogs particularly need routine. My sister’s dog lacks one so shlts everywhere. That aside, while he is clear about his / their need for routine I don’t hear you say he is forcing you to adopt this? If so, what’s the issue?

You don't sound compatible to live together.
He's got his routines. I don't have a dog but understand they need to be walked regularly and that obviously he has a routine that suits his dog.
HIS DOG , therefore I don't think you need to pay towards it.

You sound like more work than his pets

What compromises is he prepared to make to accommodate your lifestyle? 🤔🤔🤔

@tabulahrasa to be honest, I would expect an adult dog to let me know if they needed the toilet and I would then take them out.

That's what I do with my dog in the house - sometimes he asks to go out regularly, but in winter he's more than happy to hold it and won't go even if I try and shove him out of the door.

It's only really on MN that I know of dogs who are in such strict routines that can't possibly be deviated from at weekends or in bad weather. That's really not my experience in real life at all.

Are you young OP? Personally he seems way more mature than you, and a responsible pet owner. If you move in, you just have to suck it up - why should his pets' routine (which is psychologically important to them), be disrupted because of you? I don't think you should move in together-and don't even think about having children further down the line if you are lazy and like lie ins, as-it's very unlikely to work until you grow up a bit.

We had our 'responsibilities' at quite a young age and had to fit in with good routines due to kids work etc (no shift work), although we are both night owls.
Once the kids left we did those lazy mornings, midnight shopping etc because we could. However we finally butter jillet after MANY yrs of considering/researching etc and got a dog.

As im based at home I do most of the dog stuff and we have a general routine worked out, not to the minute but pretty consistent.
If my plans change, or a night out etc, the dog needs ro be factored in first so we know he's sorted. I LOVE him with all my heart and if anyone tried to change how I cared for him I'd be 'goodbye'
BUT I do sometimes wish/miss the spontaneity which we used to have, to have the mornings where you just lie in bed snoozing, when you suddenly decide let's pop out 'now' regardless of time .
Obviously i wont allow our dog suffer by our/others actions but even with ALL the research we did etc I don't think you really understand the reponsibility/routines your dog needs until you are living with one.

If you are not ready for that, that's OK, but he is and uou need to decide whether that's what you want at the moment. Personally I dont think you sound ready to compromise on that yet, so don't. But don't move in and then expect everything to be how you want it.

Dogs apart - I agree with PPs you two don’t sound compatible. I’d give it another year before you think about moving in.

Honestly, don’t move in. He sounds too fixed in his ways and living with him in his place will be a disaster

aim higher, he’s not the one for you @LilacsLife

The OP would need to set an alarm because she is saying she’ll take the dog out but just doing it when she feels like it.

I’ve lived in a flat with a dog, I didn’t set an alarm because I didn’t need to, I knew roughly when I was taking it out, being a bit out wasn’t an issue, but you couldn’t just be completely random because the dog will need the toilet.

I also like to nap after an early but in his world naps aren’t allowed. Don’t get me wrong, he says I can if I really want to but that it’s just ruining our time together and how we function together at home

This is a yellow flag. In the context of his generally rigid behaviour, I'd give him a wide berth.

Keeping a dog in a flat is shit anyway. Asking you to let it out at 2am... gtf.

Do you want kids when you're older? This man sounds like he will be an excellent father, and a much better choice than a man that just wants to laze about in bed all day. If you can't cope with his maturity and sense of responsibility then move on, but there will likely come a time when you appreciate how great he actually is and will regret having ditched someone you really like and care about for being a responsible and kind person.

You are polar opposites ,I cannot see it working if I am honest ,he sounds very organised and sensible .What would happen if you had children , they need routine , food for thought .

There's no way I'd want to live with him in that set up. Clearly his pets come first which is as it should be, but I couldn't be doing with such a fixed routine. I don't have a dog, have two cats and they have no impact on my lifestyle.

I don't think you're compatible for living together - maybe not in the long term if your lifestyles and daily routines are so different.

He lives in a flat. He can’t just let it out when it wants to pee. Plus It’s a small space so if the dog isn’t exercised enough I’m guessing it’s a PITA.

Yes, being in a flat means it's more work than if he had a garden but I'm still not convinced that dogs need such a strict regime that can never be altered ever.

I know plenty of people who have dogs in flats or small houses and they don't need anymore exercise than those that live in houses. Yes, they do need extra toilet walks but I don't know a single person who sets alarms during the day to let the dog out - it's really not necessary outside puppyhood.

Relationships and then marriage are hard enough and require lots of compromise even when there are no doubts and you feel 100% secure in the decision. There are cracks here. They will get bigger.

Apart from the fact that you moving in eases his financial burden, you are expected to play second fiddle to the dog and it's on his terms and you aren't sure about the terns.

Look up @LilacsLife, a big string of bunting is flapping in the morning breeze.

I’m afraid to say I think you’re incompatible. He’s not being unreasonable with wanting to keep routines etc and yanbu to want a life free from routines and schedules outside of working. Honestly, I can’t see this going well. Yes relationships involve compromise but it sounds like you live very differently and one or both of you would end up being resentful.

DH and I work broadly the same hours. We (and the dog) know it’s bed time at 9:30 every day without clock watching, it’s just the time we’re ready for bed. We can do the odd late night but the dog isn’t delighted about it.

At weekends, DH gets up 8 and I get up at 10. I’m a napper, he’s not. We just don’t always have to sleep at exactly the same times (although we do always go to bed together).

Your DP and his dog have a routine they like, they’re not forcing you into it - just asking you to live alongside it and accommodate it. I really don’t see your problem.

So no, you don’t have to find someone on the same work schedule, you just adapt around their schedule… which you don’t seem to want to do.

He lives in a flat. He can’t just let it out when it wants to pee. Plus It’s a small space so if the dog isn’t exercised enough I’m guessing it’s a PITA. Most dogs aren’t really suited to flats so yes it’s a lot of work

I think you are gaslighting yourself a bit op by calling yourself relaxed

you have a strict routine too (late bed, stay in bed long) it is just a different routine from him

so you just have to see, if you are really laid back and relaxed and all that surely you would just not get stressed about this and do your own thing and see where it leads 🙂

Agreed