Should I pay for boyfriend’s pets if I move in?

The fact you think your fair share is some takeaways and bottled water and the only extra would be rent says it all. Add to the fact you don't seem ready to live with someone who had dog responsibilities and who goes to bed at different times, why are you even staying over so much? Tbh if you were a man people on here would be calling you a cocklodger 🤷‍♀️

My friend does this. Shes not remotely weird, she’s lovely.

She’s just a lark. 4.00 am is when she says she’s most energetic.

You are free to be another bad dog owner.
There is nothing stopping you.
Every professional advice on trining dogs will tell you to establish routine.
Your oppinion is irrelevant to anyone appart your poor dog.

It is really unusual (weird) to go to bed at 8pm and get up at 4am. The vast majority of people would not do this!

Dogs do love a routine, but they can be moved slightly. Going to bed at 10/11pm and getting up at 6/7am would be absolutely fine for the dog.

He won't compromise, judges who you are, and he won't change.

Run! He is the red flag, not you.

They are his pets so his rules. He knows what routine would best for them. You sound very immature and im
not quite sure why you want to meddle with established routines.

@LondonFox I don't see anyone suggesting the dog waits 12 hours to pee? If he's up at four and OP goes to bed at 2 then she can let the dog out at 10 and it'll be good for six hours overnight.

I actually don't agree that dogs need routine - what happens is that humans have work routines and the dog slots in around it, but then struggles at weekends or whatever because things are different.

I personally don't think that's healthy and my dog knows he goes for his walks when I'm ready to take him not at the time he demands.

this is what I think personally too, it's alright people saying he'd be a great dad, but you need to go with the flow with kids, their 'routines' change constantly as their needs change and it sounds to me like he'd have a hard time with that as he thinks his way is superior, it doesn't make for a good partnership.

I've had dogs all my life and have three now, but you don't have to set your alarm on your phone to take your dog out at an exact time.. that says more about the owner than the dog, his dog may have got used to that but only because he's conditioned him to.

I also think if he's taken him out at midnight and is getting up at 8am to take him out again there is no way on earth he should be sending his girlfriend out for a walk with the dog at 2am just because that is what time she chooses to go to bed.. there's a safety aspect of that to think of too and I personally think the only reason he's pushing for that is to make OP go to bed at the same time as him which is what he wants.

This.

and the romance of this

" he thinks he has to “teach” me and that he’s basically trying to get me to conform to this life or he wont be happy with me. Especially when he makes it clear he was also happy alone."

He's not willing to meet her half way and can take or leave her being there. But he'd like 50 per cent of the bills please.

The pets are a red herring. He's looking after them and she has helped out, but he's made it clear they are his pets.

One year is too soon Lilacs.

I think in your shoes I would move out but not with your boyfriend. Why not take control of your own life and maybe move in with a friend or stranger, maybe in a share household, and discover how you'd like to live? Of course you could stay over at his place sometimes if that's what you both want but I think if you move in full-time now you will throw away the freedom to discover how you want to live.

Why should he change something that works for him? Plus having you move in is a big change for his dog. So just like a child if there's any other changes that will impact the dog's behaviour. You don't have to contribute if you don't want to. But you could buy them the odd treat and toys.

You are not ready to move in together @LilacsLife

I am more than welcome to do what I want that works best for me but that he would obviously like it to align with his

he’s not really bothered about you moving in, is he? He’s just thinking that you might as well since you’re there all them time anyway and he’ll get some extra money.

Plus, the way some people are talking about his dogs, I would think was OTT if it was their PFB.

You are child-free, but he effectively has a child - his dog.

Obviously most dogs can go hours without going outside.
BUT if your last walk is in normal evening time and dog is used to go out first thing in the morning it is hard for dog to wait another hour on top of 12h wait to pee just bcs someone is awake and roaming around or chilling in bed.
I would certanly hate to wait an hour to pee.

Dogs like toddlers love routine.
I don't see a reason dog owner should fuck up his and dogs routine just bacause some chick want's to move in and play family.

A degree of adjustment to routines happens naturally for a lot of people once they move in together, but you don't get to dictate when someone goes to bed or what their pets' needs are.

He sounds like he's a responsible pet owner with a routine that works well for him and the pets. He's entirely within his rights to say he doesn't want to massively disrupt that routine to accommodate someone else's self-confessed laziness.

If you don't want to go to bed at a particular time, don't. You're free to choose your own bedtime just like he is. It's not unusual for people to go to bed at different times.

If you don't want to go on a morning walk, don't go. He's perfectly capable of walking the dog by himself.

I'll preface this by admitting I'm not a pet lover.

But are you sure this relationship is what you want?

Being a stepmum is a thankless task but people do it because they recognise that the child's needs come before their own.

But this is a dog. And unlike kids, the chances are that when this dog dies, after a period of grieving, he'll get another dog.

Don't waste your life waiting around for a dog.

I think you’ve made the right decision to wait.

It is good that these issues have come up now as once you move in properly, then things become a lot more strained and it’s not so easy to leave again without having to end the relationship.

This sounds like a bigger problem than the pets. It sounds like he wants to completely stick to his routine and for you to fit into it, rather than you working out what living together looks like as a couple. The pets sound like an excuse for him to be inflexible.

Living together is a big test of a relationship. There's always a teething period in my experience but then sometimes you work it out or sometimes you realise actually you can't live with this person.

Do you really want to move in with him? I read all of that and I thought maybe keeping your freedom might be better?

If this doesn’t work out where will you be in 6 months time or a year?

If you cut your losses now, you could have 6 months of savings towards a deposit built up, and met someone whose approach to life is more in sync with yours.

Sometimes you have to let Mr Nearly Right go in order to clear the path to find a great partner. And it’s painful, like ripping off a plaster. But have a browse on the relationship board to get a sense of what it’s like living through the slow burn.

Moving in together has disaster written all over it. And the problem with intimate relationships is that they can be deeply damaging to the very core of our psyche, and sometimes leave us too damaged to extricate ourselves.

There’s a fundamental lack of respect from both of you towards each other’s ways and rhythms. That’s not a foundation you can build on. Sorry.

This sounds like a case of two very different people with very different ideas of how to live life with me. You boyfriend is being extremely responsible and a massively good pet owner - keeping a dog in a flat requires routine because they can't just go out when they want. Dogs have schedules too as to when they need to be fed, walked, toileted etc and your boyfriend realises that and is doing his very best for them - fair play to him! The schedule thing with regards to bedtimes etc is going to be where you fall down - he sounds really organised and is happy with that organisation in his life, you on the other hand are very moment to moment and those two personalities will clash badly living together. You're going to get sick of his routines and he's going to get sick of your lack of 'up-and-at-'em'. Live by yourself for a while because this isn't going to work.

You're late 20s with no kids and he sounds like he has the routine of an 80 year old and a fucking boring one at that. Surely at your age you will be out most weekends? Then trips away, holidays etc. Do you have to be in by his routine bed time? These are the years which are supposed to be fun, free, easy and he sounds like a right drag

OP you see moving in with your bf as the answer to being stuck living at home with your parents. Why not move out into a house share instead? Do some growing up and get some independence instead of jumping straight from one set of house rules into another.
You don't need to dump him yet but if I were you I'd be keeping an eye out for more red flags. I don't think he really wants you to move in for the right reasons either, because he won't compromise on anything. For him the motive is financial above all.

You sound like you've got a lot of growing up to do before you move in with someone who's already independent and 'grown up'

Moving in after a year is quite quick. I wonder if you weren’t desperate to move out of your parents if you’d be considering it. It sounds like because you’re there most of the time he wants to make it official to get a contribution to bills.