For refusing to move in with his previously aggressive dog...

Relationships should not require you to make a ton of sacrifices just to stay in.

But the fact that you have and he can't even make one, is pretty telling.

Relationships should be easy. As easy as breathing. No kids so no real obligations. Should be a walk in the park. Not this drama.

His commitment is about the only thing that is admirable - and its a commitment to 'owning this dog' it isn't a commitment to actually looking after this dog properly, meeting this dogs needs appropriately... so not much of a flex really!

I'd be concerned that this is a man who will gaslight you about other events and valid, reasonable concerns you have, given his behaviour with his dog. He isn't going to stop being the person he is, and that is someone who can't see whats in front of his own eyes, and dismisses others reasonable points! So yes, for me that would absolutely be enough to ditch him.

Also, @sarahmoore2 - is it actually a pitbull? ie the banned, illegal breed that requires a certificate of exemption and at least third-party insurance for ownership to be allowed?

Or is it just a bull-breed that looks a bit like a pitbull?

@sarahmoore2 This is the bit I don't understand: We are at the stage now where we either get married and move in together, or break up

Are those your only options? You can't just carry on dating in the knowledge that once the dog has 'gone to the farm' then you two can be in the same property? Also you can get engaged and not live together. I was engaged for some time before I moved in with my ex-husband. If the reason you want to break up is due to his stubbornness then that's one thing, but then you seem so reluctant. Only you can decide if the situation is enough to break up over. But I definitely wouldn't let my dog live there for a start.

Well, you have to realise that sometimes, there's a problem that just can't be solved.

Logically, now that moving in with his dog still there is the line you won't cross, there is no way that you can ever move in until the dog has passed on. You can't live with the dog, but if he was willing to get rid of the dog then you would be forever questioning if any commitment he made would be stuck to.

It would also raise the question of...what if your dog bites, or makes his life difficult? Would you get rid of your dog for him? You'd certainly have a hard time justifying keeping it if he really couldn't stand it, and by that point you've already moved in and he's already got rid of his dog to make you more comfortable. Would the relationship survive that? Do you want to take the risk, given that you'd have a lot more to lose at that point?

My point is...the instant you told him he'd have to get rid of his dog before you'd move in, the relationship was doomed. I'm not making a judgement as to whether you were right or wrong there - this is just the direct outcome in practical terms.

If I met a man and they said they owned a pitbull that would tell me all
I needed to know about them .

Not in a million years would I move my beloved dog into a house with another dog that had previously KILLED another dog.

edited to add: this isn’t some small dog that if it did get snappy with your dog you could pick up under your arm to diffuse the situation. You are talking about a powerful unstoppable dog. Do NOT do this.

' I am making multiple sacrifices to be in this relationship already; '

just what is soooooo wonderful about this guy that you are doing this ?

and are prepared to either risk your dog's life, and that of any children you may have with him

or you rehome your dog - what has your dog done to deserve that ?!!!!

and are prepared to risk the life of any children you may have with him

He is gaslighting you into submission.

There is a reason why this breed of dog is banned here.

You are not being unreasonable to want to keep your dog and not move in with him and his dog. He is equally not being unreasonable to want to keep his dog, although there are a number of red flags around his judgment i.e. thinking his dog will ‘get used to’ yours. No way would I put my dog in that position.

You are at a stalemate. You can carry on the relationship and live separately or end it. That said it would be difficult to even have overnights if you don’t want your dogs together so I would probably go for the later. His lack of concern for both your dog and potential future children is worrying.

It is staggering that you are even considering putting your dog through this.
Give your head a wobble and live separately until his dog gets euthanised for biting someone or fo killing another yappy dog that deserved it......

Dogs plural? Thought it was just one dog?

Not acceptable that dp has no understanding or respect of your concerns. I would not move in o rmarry a selfish man
It's you or his dog. Give him an ultimatum. Be prepared to accept he chooses the dog. The consequences of a mauling or death of dog or person are unthinkable

It does seem massively coincidental

I think the other OP had cats and had moved overseas for her boyfriend.

and isn't the last one already pregnant ?!

@Concannon88
@BMW6

Concannon88 · Today 11:19
BMW6 · Today 10:11

I recognise the OP now. This is the second thread on exactly the same issue. Was told NO overwhelmingly last time.

Why bother with another thread?

Frankly your bf should improve the genetic pool by not having children, and as you're STILL wittering on about this I don't think you should either. You have piss poor judgement and zero common sense. Your poor dog.
Didn't the last one have cats and wasn't already living with him?

Didn't the last one have cats and wasn't already living with him?

Why on earth get together with someone who owns a pitbull?

He thinks you can keep 2 dogs separate long term in the same house? He thinks you can train a child to leave a dog alone, when he hasn't successfully trained his own aggressive dog?

Wake up, hes a moron

I recognise the OP now. This is the second thread on exactly the same issue. Was told NO overwhelmingly last time.

I almost hoped it would be the same OP, as at least it means less ridiculous decision makers are out there in the world!

I recognise the OP now. This is the second thread on exactly the same issue. Was told NO overwhelmingly last time.

Why bother with another thread?

Frankly your bf should improve the genetic pool by not having children, and as you're STILL wittering on about this I don't think you should either. You have piss poor judgement and zero common sense. Your poor dog.

You said you are the one making all the sacrifices to stay in the relationship. That on its own would be enough to make me end the relationship even without the dog issue.

Is this the same irresponsible idiot who you previously posted about? The one who rarely walks the dog, who hasn’t even house-trained it and who you wanted to move in with and get pregnant?
Honestly, if you didn’t listen to the advice given then then I suspect we’re all wasting out time here.
You do whatever you like OP, and just accept full responsibility when it turns disastrous.

I think this relationship just can't progress. You cannot bring a child into this situation. You cannot train a baby not to make loud upsetting noises. You can't really train a toddler not to do annoying things. Not immediately, accidents will happen. It would be a learning process and the consequences of when they get it wrong mean that they would likely suffer terrible injuries or death.

You say you think he totally believes that the dog is his responsibility but he is not responsible as he hasn't been addressing the dog's behaviour. He should be receiving ongoing training from a behaviourist. He should also accept that the dog's death was no accident and entirely his and his dog's fault.

He is gaslighting you about it being in your head, and you being the one with the problem. If he is prepared to gaslight and manipulate you like this over the dog then he will do it over anything that doesn't suit what he wants. It sounds like he already has if you are the one making all the sacrifices to be in the relationship.

You keep referring to it being about your comfort for the dog to go to his parents. It's not your comfort, it's your safety. Comfort devalues it. The fact is, no one is safe around this dog. It snaps at humans and dogs alike and has previously killed. Not a chance in hell I would be near this dog or any man that tried to gaslight me into ignoring my own safety. They are both a danger.

Being realistic, the situation is ultimately that the relationship's likely over. If anybody said "It's me or the dog" (which is effectively what you're doing), regardless of the reason or history, I'd be choosing the dog - because the dog is entirely dependent on me and when I got him/her, I made a commitment for their entire life.

That works for both sides, too - I wouldn't want to be with somebody who made me dump my dog, but I also wouldn't want to be with someone who would say "yes"; I'd never trust their ability to stick to their commitments.

Your reasons for doing so are irrelevant (apart from the fact that you can feel right about it) - the practical result is that you're never going to move in together.

Accept that and move on.