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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel so overwhelmed with ASD teenage daughter?

165 replies

StressedSuzie · 17/04/2024 17:37

She has just turned 13 and is struggling massively with anxiety.
She refuses to accept any help such as therapy or medication and insists that if everyone just did as she needed then all would be absolutely fine.
Seeing her walk out of school each day, completely drained and almost mute due to being so overwhelmed is so upsetting to see.
What do you do when your children have sky high anxiety but won’t accept any form of help? 😢

OP posts:
WagonWh33l5 · 17/04/2024 18:03

And CAMHs wouldn’t continue with the therapy anyway if she wasn’t engaging.

WagonWh33l5 · 17/04/2024 18:00

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:42

You set up the help and take her there. If she physically fights back, you take things away from her til she learns .

Insisting everything will be ok if you all do exactly what she wants, is manipulative and controlling. Dont let this continue.

When a child needs important medication, it's not the norm to just give up and listen to the child when they say they dont want it..You have to force them, for their own good.

That is absolutely the wrong way to treat a struggling young person with autism and completely counterproductive as regards therapy.

waterrat · 17/04/2024 17:55

What could be changed .. is mainstream the right place for her? Is there a smaller school she could go to?

My daughter is on a flexi timetable that allows her rest days each week but i still think she will end up having to leave mainstream. Its the environment not the children that are at fault

waterrat · 17/04/2024 17:53

Does she really need therapy? I mean..yes im sure she would benefit (i have an autistic and anxious child too)

But..is this really about environmental triggers and overwhelm. And sensory issue of school?

If its about the environment not being right isnt it better to focus on that first

You have all my sympathy by the way.

Original poster
StressedSuzie · 17/04/2024 17:51

We have tried 3 different therapists
She goes completely mute and then hates me for making her go at all which breaks down the relationship and escalates her ARFID as she’s too stressed to choose any safe foods to eat.

The GP said medication would be preferable over therapy for her because of this but they can’t prescribe - she’s on the CAHMS waiting list which is about 2 years long so I found loads of private psychiatrists who can prescribe by she won’t get in the car to go and they’ve made it clear that unless she is open to her struggles they won’t be able to prescribe anything anyway.

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 17/04/2024 17:49

I think you do need to convince her to go to therapy or meds she might be coping now but what happens when she school work increases or more things don’t go her way… some battles aren’t worth fighting but this is a battle worth fighting

LetMeGoogleThat · 17/04/2024 17:46

Sorry, mine was ASD and anxiety x

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 17/04/2024 17:46

I would say you’ve got to fight the therapy battle. I absolutely do not fight everything with my ASD \ ADHD daughter but I am still the parent and some things she just is not allowed to dictate. This is too important to her future. We also tried hypnosis which gave really good instant results in periods of crisis. I know it’s horrible, but soon she’ll start refusing school and you need to intervene before that happens.

LetMeGoogleThat · 17/04/2024 17:45

Aww, I've been there and it's hard to see the wood for the trees! It's the heady combination of hormones and ASD. My advice is to hang in there, don't blame yourself and celebrate the tiny wins (whilst ignoring the unhelpful PP advice 🙄)

My son is now 21, I promise it does get better and if someone had said this to me when he was 13....I wouldn't have believed them! 💐

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:44

KittytheHare

You clearly have no idea what my job is then.

KittytheHare · 17/04/2024 17:43

@Notimeforaname you clearly have no concept of what it’s like to deal with a neurodivergent teen.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:43

Its the same with mental health whatever you as the parent thinks she needs, she needs.

BebyDuc · 17/04/2024 17:42

Therapy.

My DD is 15 and it's helped her so, so much.

She didn't want to go either.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:42

You set up the help and take her there. If she physically fights back, you take things away from her til she learns .

Insisting everything will be ok if you all do exactly what she wants, is manipulative and controlling. Dont let this continue.

When a child needs important medication, it's not the norm to just give up and listen to the child when they say they dont want it..You have to force them, for their own good.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:39

She doesn't get to refuse. Shes a child, you're the parent.