Clare's Law - police visit, normal?

Well done OP. It’s no wonder you are feeling anxious though as it’s a difficult thing to go through.

Not police but I have worked in safeguarding and been involved when police have disclosed information to people. They have checked that you are safe and told you information about two incidents so that you have information needed to keep yourself safe.

The next face to face meeting will be a follow up to make sure you are supported and that they haven’t missed anything. I don’t think they will have saved up worse things to tell you and left a gap until they did this if there was any chance that could create a risk. I would hope not anyway. It sounds as if you have had a diligent response from them. Good luck with everything.

Remember to tell yourself you have done well, you did exactly the right thing.
You trusted your gut and as a consequence you’ve kept yourself and your dc safe.
Work with the police, they’re there to help you. Get all the info you can so you're fully informed. Ask advice about his family contacting you.

I can understand your anxiety but follow this through, take safety precautions as advised then move on with your life.

You've done really well OP. You've trusted your instincts and acted on them to keep yourself and your DD safe. That takes a lot of strength.

Stay safe.

@SpiritedFarAway your post wasn’t rude at all! You gave good advice and you’re preserving the memory of a woman respectfully x

Make sure you take your phone into a phone shop and get it checked for tracking apps.

Erm no. The PP post was helpful and gave good advice. Good on her for trying to persevere Clare’s memory. What on earth did you contribute other than being rude?

@MyPerfectHotel you say your neighbours are good, in our area we have 'cocoon watch' which is where police can make neighbours aware and ask them to call police if they suspect there is DV / a need for a police call out at your address. Could be worth asking if you feel you would like this?
It is worth being prepared to ring police if he continues to contact you even if via a third party - whether it's threatening or not, it's unwanted so just report.
Good luck xx

@blackcatcoven I didn't meant to sound rude but I see Clare's name spelled incorrectly a lot and think just out of respect to her family it's worth mentioning politely - I work in DV so do this at work often and haven't had an issue.

I really admire you OP, I wish I had dealt with one of my exes as swiftly as you have yours. I would've saved myself a lot of hurt and trauma.

I've had two nasty pieces of work in my life, one who abused me for 5 years and the second one (years later) who I got shot of in less than three months before he had the chance to do what the first one did.

One of the many things these men had in common was that they had "flying monkeys" for family who took it upon themselves to harass me directly and indirectly when I removed myself from the relationships. Even more disturbingly, it was their own mothers, who by all accounts knew exactly what their sons were like as one had a long list of previous DV history (man #1) and the latter (man #2) had spend 9 years in prison (unbeknownst to me at the time) and had an ASPD diagnosis.

Unfortunately, I now see 'very close' relationships with a man's mother to be a red flag and avoid at all costs. Those women caused me almost as much grief as their dusty sons and I still to this day have one of them trying to access my private social media via fake accounts despite her son, ex #1, having died in 2019.

I digress.

Your daughter is very lucky to have such a switched on mother. Well done for taking these steps to protect you both. I hope the police are able to offer you some support.

OP, I just want to say well done. For being alert, for not explaining away his behaviour, for asking the police for a disclosure. You are a great mum and also a great daughter to your Mum.
💐

My ex turned nasty when my DMum was diagnosed with cancer. I nursed her and it was clear she wouldn't last three months. Three tiny months.

He went nuclear when I told him I was going to stay with her until she died. I had been with him four years and he had been difficult at times but this was the kicker I needed to end it with him.

Hi,
Just to add the hollieguard app is worth a look, and Susie lamplugh trust. Your local domestic abuse service are worth a call too they can usually offer 'help making home safer as well as support recovering and rebuilding after an abusive relationship

a family member has been in very similar position. There were a number of issues with the ex that included stalking post break up. So they wanted to give her advice on next steps and how to handle it.

Can I just say you sound amazing! It takes guts to trust your instincts and go through with a Clares Law app 💕💕

Another thing I meant to say @MyPerfectHotel… My brother has a history of drug abuse and violence. I have gone NC with him because a) I have three kids to protect, b) He frightens me and c) I don’t like or trust him.
He was constantly enabled and justified by my mother and now that she is now longer with us, he has form for harassing various members of my extended family who STILL will not call the police, but insist upon calling me. I have to calmly tell them that he is not my child or my responsibility. He is a 50 year old adult who is considered to legally responsible for his actions -
not me. He is not a victim. They want someone to get him off their hands and out of their hair (because he’s always in their faces intimidating them, talking about himself (“poor me” stories) and nagging them for money) but they don’t want to be the “bad guy” for calling the police and calling a stop to it. They want that burden to fall upon me.
This could be what the family is doing with you. When he is with you, he’s not with them, so their life is easier @MyPerfectHotel.

Weird family is right. I can't imagine harassing someone who broke up with my brother. I am sorry, OP, it really sucks that people still try to defend men like this, instead of holding them to account.

I’m so proud of you for listening to your instinct. Your daughter is lucky to have such a brave and selfless mum. You have done the right thing. You know you have done the right thing. What sucks most about this is second-guessing your own instincts throughout the process. Obviously this man’s family are never going to believe that he’s a bad one, but you felt it and you did something about it. You’re amazing!

Another to say that a safeguarding visit within 24 hours is significant. Well done for protecting both you and your DD.

Thank goodness for Claire's Law @MyPerfectHotel
You might need to take out some sort of order with his family too.
Take care

I think this man is pretty dangerous for them to have turned up on your doorstep within 24 hours.

So true.

Please OP, plenty more (fabulous, kind, caring men in this world).

Take care OP! Hopefully things will ease up with him if you can keep your distance and cut ties with his mum and sister too. At least on Monday you’ll have an idea of what it’s all about. It seems a shame they made you wait so long between the visit and the meeting though!

You have done amazing OP!!! I'm so proud of you. 🌷

So sorry you are dealing with all of this. You deserve to be happy. 💝 I'm so sorry this guy was no where near the one. xx

Big Breath Out. You have done the right thing, and this is why we have the law.

You will be on edge for a while, there won't be anything concrete that will give you that sense of safety you require. There will be a point where you can relax in the future though.

The behaviour you describe is controlling and coercive. It's good to know you have the intrinsic feelings that can not only recognise dodgy behaviour but you are empowered to act on them.

It would be good to give yourself a "safe space" i.e. go to a yoga class for a week where there are other people there.

Well done.

Thank goodness you rang the police and you've dumped the arsehole.

Another reminder to change your locks. I've done it myself - honestly takes 5 mins.
Go to your local locksmith and get the replacement barrels, YouTube and you're done.
If he's got form (which he obviously has) it doesn't hurt to take as many precautions as you can.
How does your DD get to school etc? Are there any part of the day/evening she is alone? Might be worth re-thinking this for a little while, just in case.

Just to say very well done for trusting your judgement @MyPerfectHotel . Stay safe. 💐