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Original poster

Partner wants to go back to work same week as my C section

41 replies

Fabdy · 17/04/2024 16:54

Hi Mumsnet,

Just need some perspective here.
We have a one year old and another baby on the way. When we had our first child my partner went back to work 3 days later and I found it very difficult as he works long hours and often not home until midnight.

When we decided to have our second child he promised he would have two weeks off to help with our first daughter as I will be having a C section and can't see how I will manage both of them until I recover.

He has just informed me that he is planning on going in on the weekends on these two weeks off until 11pm. When I kicked off about it he says my mum can help me.

He says I am overreacting and trying to control what he does.

He also says it was just a thought but if he feels like he needs money he will go and I shouldn't try to control him.

I'm panicking now.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pollyanna123456 · 17/04/2024 17:28

It is major abdominal surgery - he needs to be there to help. I had a C-Section in January and although I loved my birthing experience - the recovery was hard. If possible stay at least two nights in hospital - I regret only staying one. & he definitely needs to be there for you - I could barely get out of bed on my own for the first week(!). It is really tough - rally all the help you can!

I would remind him it is major abdominal surgery if he keeps being ridiculous!

PinotDragon · 17/04/2024 17:25

I would be having a very frank discussion with him immediately about his place in the family. Sounds like he is checking out and leaving the child rearing to you. I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that if he wants you to do it all alone then you will and he can fend for himself with living alone and weekend visits with his children! Cheeky bastard!

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:15

I'd tell him to support his family the way they need or fuck off out of the house and dont come back. Honestly. What's the point in him being there if hes just suiting himself...

Original poster
Fabdy · 17/04/2024 17:11

Thank you everyone for your responses. What would you say to him to make him realise he's being ridiculous? Or would you not say anything at all

OP posts:
Azerothi · 17/04/2024 17:06

What did you think would happen after your boyfriend left you 3 days after the birth last time? You will manage on your own though, and you can't force him to want to spend time with you and your child and the newborn. Going purely on past behaviour your boyfriend clearly doesn't like the idea.

Maray1967 · 17/04/2024 17:02

I needed my DH there after I had my cs. Not for a fortnight but our older child was 7. You need him to be there for longer as you have a toddler.

Is he a complete moron? Does he have absolutely no idea what the surgery will involve and what you need to recover?

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2024 17:01

Nope. He has 50% parental duty. More when youbare recovering from childbirth.

What the fuck does he think a partner is for????
He didn't make the child by himself.

Does he not know you have to sacrifice things in order to have children?
Does he not understand he has to think of the family and not just himself?

You should probably just accept this is who he is. He breaks promises and suits himself. I'm sorry op.

ISeeTheLight · 17/04/2024 17:00

Wow why did you have a 2nd child with this man.
Anyway, no YANBU. He's a dick and needs to man up and take responsibility to support you and your children, and not just by going to work.

Original poster
Fabdy · 17/04/2024 17:00

Hollybelle83 · 17/04/2024 16:59

Seconding him being a dick. That would give me the rage. Recovering from a C section can be really hard, you will need plenty of physical help not to mention emotional support. Especially with another child to look after too. Dick.

Right!!! He's made me feel like I'm being so unreasonable and controlling but I'm sure I'm justified in being upset.

OP posts:
Hollybelle83 · 17/04/2024 16:59

Seconding him being a dick. That would give me the rage. Recovering from a C section can be really hard, you will need plenty of physical help not to mention emotional support. Especially with another child to look after too. Dick.

neverendingcold · 17/04/2024 16:58

Well he's broken that promise for heavens sake don't marry him!

Devon1987 · 17/04/2024 16:58

He does realise it’s major surgery and you won’t be allowed to do a lot of things for some time. He sounds selfish. He is your partner, he needs to step up. It’s not your mum’s responsibility.
you aren’t controlling, you are asking for help so you recover from a major operation.

RobinHood19 · 17/04/2024 16:58

Is he at all interested in his children? Is he at all interested in the well-being of their mother?

I am the first one to admit I put work first more than I should. But leaving your partner post C-section 3 days after the procedure (what if you get an infection and need a hospital stay) is just another level of selfishness.

Does he realise being a parent means not always doing what you please?

Original poster
Fabdy · 17/04/2024 16:58

BIossomtoes · 17/04/2024 16:56

Can your mum help? And does she want to? If she can, what can he do that she can’t? I reckon she’d be a lot more use to you.

Yes she can help, but it's not really her responsibility to sit with us until almost midnight.

We also don't need the money of those two days. Our outgoings are very low and if he wants to save for those two weeks he will take off, he can very easily do it.

OP posts:
dimllaishebiaith · 17/04/2024 16:57

So he decided to just casually delegate his parental duties to the nearest available women?

Knob

Are you desperately short of money? If you are really struggling and hes super stressed about it I could understand. Other than that hes just being a dick.

BIossomtoes · 17/04/2024 16:56

Can your mum help? And does she want to? If she can, what can he do that she can’t? I reckon she’d be a lot more use to you.

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