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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like cancelling whole party due to stress?

83 replies

partypoopp · 17/04/2024 16:48

I mean I won't really do that (although I want to!), but I don't know what to do.

DD is very clever. Birthday party this weekend. Booked x amount of places, can't do more. Dd found spare invitations and invited other children she hadn't already invited. Phone bombarded with 'thank you, we'd love to come messages' (some asking if they can bring younger sibling). AIBU to just want to cancel at this point? Don't know what to do 😭

OP posts:
Catza · 17/04/2024 17:28

Some people are really mean. Unless she is 16, I would absolutely not cancel the party (probably wouldn't even for an older child unless she has form for this type of thing). I would, however, sit with her while she calls all those extra people apologising for the mix up.

BodyKeepingScore · 17/04/2024 17:22

She's not clever, she's been sneaky and dishonest. I would be inclined to cancel it too to be honest. She's put you in a dreadful position.

DisappearingGirl · 17/04/2024 17:21

Cancelling someone's birthday party is a really nuclear option

I agree with this! I mean yes she should get a telling off and the embarrassment of her extra friends having to be told they can't come. But I'm surprised so many say they would cancel - seems quite an extreme punishment!

If you've just had an influx of replies she's probably just sent them out. I would send an apology message explaining what has happened. Like a previous poster, if I received this I would think this was funny (and naughty) rather than be offended!

Rebusmyfire · 17/04/2024 17:20

If punishing her, I'd not cancel the party (i'd be even more peeved if losing monies on the booking/food etc.). And I think it is something that will sting forever. I also don"t think it is the crime of the century.

She has to explain to friends at school that she's got it wrong and put up with their reactions.

tiredandabitfat · 17/04/2024 17:19

Sandwichblock · 17/04/2024 17:04

It might be worth talking to DD about why.

I still (really!) often think about my 6th birthday party (nearly 50 years ago!). I was in a new school and invited all the popular kids, who were horrible to me. It was only after invitations had gone out, I realised I hadn't invited the only boy who was kind to me and he was sad about it. My mum wouldn't let me add another to the list.

I can't remember his name, but I do remember having to tell him he couldn't come and how he looked 😪

But probably she's been awfully naughty and the party should be cancelled!

Oh this is so sad 😞 x

RainStreakedWindows · 17/04/2024 17:16

How much older than 5? 6 and I wouldn't cancel, 10 I would certainly think about it.

I definitely don't think that the extras should come. Your DD cannot think that her act achieved anything worthwhile. You'll definitely laugh about this one day.

ZipZapZoom · 17/04/2024 17:15

How old is she? I would be inclined to cancel as the party cannot go ahead with all the extra people she's invited and that's a natural consequence of what she has done. It's not clever or done without thought it's a very calculated thing to do so she's given it some serious thought.

Spinet · 17/04/2024 17:14

Cancelling someone's birthday party is a really nuclear option. Is the best option if you want your kid to hate you forever and give you no leeway or respect as they get older. She could not have understood the difficulty or she wouldn't have done it would she. This is more to the posters who are saying cancel it than you who's decided not to OP.

If she is old enough though she could help you in communicating why the uninvited people are uninvited. That's really awkward to have to do and a natural consequence too.

Fushia123 · 17/04/2024 17:12

My daughter’s friend did this when she was six. Parents cancelled the party and their daughter learnt a lesson the hard way.

OhHelloMiss · 17/04/2024 17:09

How can you accommodate extras though?

Sandwichblock · 17/04/2024 17:04

partypoopp · 17/04/2024 17:02

Think I'm going to just bite the bullet and do this.

Show quote history

Are there going to be any consequences for DD?

Sandwichblock · 17/04/2024 17:04

It might be worth talking to DD about why.

I still (really!) often think about my 6th birthday party (nearly 50 years ago!). I was in a new school and invited all the popular kids, who were horrible to me. It was only after invitations had gone out, I realised I hadn't invited the only boy who was kind to me and he was sad about it. My mum wouldn't let me add another to the list.

I can't remember his name, but I do remember having to tell him he couldn't come and how he looked 😪

But probably she's been awfully naughty and the party should be cancelled!

Original poster
partypoopp · 17/04/2024 17:02

Rebusmyfire · 17/04/2024 16:59

If it is a limited places event I would tell the additional parents the truth and say very sorry.

I would not be offended if we were to be cancelled. I'd think it hilariously naughty.

It will be something for family folklore.

Think I'm going to just bite the bullet and do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
partypoopp · 17/04/2024 17:01

Older than 5. In a group chat with others so could've gotten my number from that plus previous years of me messaging them to RSVP. Although I do have my number written down in various places.

OP posts:
lateatwork · 17/04/2024 16:59

Need to understand extent of damage. Then find out why she did it (was she bullied into getting 'friends' and invited?) Once this is known, plus whether it's actually possible, then make decision to cancel or not.

Rebusmyfire · 17/04/2024 16:59

If it is a limited places event I would tell the additional parents the truth and say very sorry.

I would not be offended if we were to be cancelled. I'd think it hilariously naughty.

It will be something for family folklore.

Sandwichblock · 17/04/2024 16:58

I am a little troubled at your description of DD as "clever". Of all the adjectives that I could use in this situation, clever wouldn't be one.

Mishmashs · 17/04/2024 16:57

Wow that’s quite a thing to do! Do you know all the parents? Did she put your mobile on the invites?!

ZenNudist · 17/04/2024 16:56

BTW older than 5 cancel as consequences

ZenNudist · 17/04/2024 16:56

How old is she?

Aged 5 don't cancel

I'd probably just message parents back explaining mix up and apologising.

Noyesnoyes · 17/04/2024 16:56

She did what????

MultiplaLight · 17/04/2024 16:55

Cancel. Your DD has been awful. If she can write she's old enough to understand you don't do this.

AgentProvocateur · 17/04/2024 16:54

I’d cancel because of your DD’s behaviour and let her know exactly why it was cancelled.

OhHelloMiss · 17/04/2024 16:54

Well she's not really clever at all is she!?

No extras allowed? Do what will she do?

neverendingcold · 17/04/2024 16:54

How old is she? Old enough to tell them what she's done?