To feel like cancelling whole party due to stress?

What is the party.

You said booked x spaces and can't do more

So Is there a max number allowed in venue

So yes age depending / I would make dd tell the ones she invited they aren't now

Make sure parents also know

How many did she invite extra

Say no to siblings

Who decided which friends were coming and did she want more to come

So no she isn't clever

She's devious

I think I’d change from whatever limited party it is to a cake and party games or pizza party depending on age and explain why to your DD. Cancelling seems extreme really. She’s been a bit devious but she’s only really wanting to bring all her friends.

No to siblings. I never had anyone ask or tbh at any of the parties gone to anyone so this. Only on mn have I heard this. If limited number and you gone over I'd be tempted to cancel ..how many extra has dd asked

This depends on age and her general behaviour / awareness - did she realise there’s no possibility of increasing the numbers?

I wouldn’t cancel the party though just uninvite the extras. The embarrassment will be punishment enough for dd.

Wow, agree with PPs that it isn’t remotely clever - I would also be tempted to cancel and teach her a lesson, but would certainly tell the latecomers with a stern telling off to DD not to do it again. Nothing hilarious about it 🙄, causing upset to other kids isn’t funny.

I would be considered a very strict parent by usual MN standards but don’t know about canceling outright to punish her. Yes she does need to learn it is wrong but canceling the whole thing? It really depends how old/mature she is, and if devious behavior is out of character. Big difference between an innocent 6 year old in year 1 and a stroppy 9 year old who has been trying her parents’ patience for the past year.

if you can afford it in both finances and space, I’d do the party for all the new invitees too, but change something as a punishment to DD - ie, change the venue to something less exciting if it’s going to cost too much, or tell your DD she won’t be getting a present she was hoping for but will be getting something smaller instead because the money has to be used to pay for the people that she has invited to her party without permission.

It depends on her age. I would be tempted to cancel because I’d feeling awful telling some of the excited children that they can’t come but the others can. Cancelling everyone is easier and a consequence for DD of her actions.

But the children at 6 can understand they weren't supposed to have been invited. It'll be shit for a few minutes and then they'll move on.

How British to pay for a second party to avoid the awkwardness?

I'd cancel the original party and tell all the kids and parents why. No ones been uninvited, the party is cancelled.

Ah yes we crossed in posting. I agree: there’s no justification whatsoever for making the other children pay for it by sharing in the consequence.

The problem with cancelling the “ extras” and going ahead is that it is the innocent extras who bear the punishment. If DD is young enough it should be overlooked and the party go ahead, then her peers are little enough that they shouldn’t have to grapple with being “uninvited” as the consequences of DD’s actions.

Personally I’d go ahead with all invitees included now, but it will have to be cake and pass the parcel at DS’s home (short and sweet if there isn’t much space to host them) and the original venue that has said no extras will have to be cancelled: paid for and forgone. Dd will still get a celebration but it will accommodate the situation she has created. And the friends won’t be uninvited.

It's not a consequence for her behaviour... It's teaching her that we should follow through on our promises to others.

Punishment should be separate. Punishments shouldn't affect others imo.

I wouldn’t cancel, but I’m a sucker when it comes to making sure my DDs have fun birthdays and giving them the parties they want.

i think it would depend on the party situation. You say can’t do more, is that your budget or venue?

Id be talking to your DD, my 6yo would fully understand the situation on numbers if this happened, id tell her how wrong what she’s done is. Find out who exactly she gave extra invites to and contact those parents. Lots of apologies and explain what’s happened.

My 12 yo DD recently got a cancellation, birthday girl over invited, my dd got a message apologising explaining she’d invited too many and if dd still wanted to come she’d have to pay herself. Dd was a bit 😔 about it but I said no anyway. I also had 2 parties last week, 2 DDs birthdays, both for the first time ever had limited invitees, both had extras turn up on the day and both had others who didn’t show. One venue had food and numbers at least 2 weeks in advance, they were fine with a bit of a shuffle and in the end 1 extra on the day, they didn’t even charge me.

Yes consequences are needed but don’t cancel a child’s party.

I agree it's devious, whatever her age.

I feel for the poor children who thought they were invited and who you will now uninvite.

So she gets two parties as a result of her underhand sneaky behaviour? That doesn't sound much like a consequence for her actions.

I would separate out the party and the "punishment".

First, I'd go ahead with the party with the originally invited children but cancel the "extras". I'd apologise to the parents and let them know what happened.

Second, I'd hold a separate "tea party" at home for the extra children that your DD invited. She's promised them a party so they should have some sort of party.

Third, I'd make sure your DD never does anything like this again by causing her significant inconvenience. Writing apology notes to the uninvited children plus spending her birthday money/pocket money on a second "party" might make her think twice in future.

Why the reluctance to say how old?

There are millions upon millions of children in the country - indeed in the world, since you could be anywhere - so it's hardly identifying.

Age makes a big difference to what's reasonable.

Cancelling someone's birthday party is a really nuclear option. Is the best option if you want your kid to hate you forever and give you no leeway or respect as they get older.

😂😂😂😂

How many extra children? Is it the type of thing you pay per head? How old? I’d be so embarrassed telling people they’re not actually invited so I would be telling DD all the extra children she’s invited she has to pay for out of birthday money or any other money she has

Just tell the other parents the truth.

Can you take the cost of the extra people out of her birthday present money? If bringing extra people is an option.

Saying "we'll have less money yo spend on presents now" is also a natural consequence if she doesn't want the embarrassment of cancelling people.

Bloody hell-everyone is baying for your DD's blood here! She's just a kid. Kids do stupid things 🤷‍♀️
I think in most situations honesty is the best policy. I would just explain to the parents and I'm sure it will be fine.

You say clever, I say sly. Cancel.

How old is your DD?

I wouldn’t cancel it but it would be her telling the people she invited why they can’t come.