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Original poster

'Where was my invite?' is rude and aggressive

57 replies

Wearygirl · 17/04/2024 12:47

I hate it when you are in a group chat online or in person and someone mentions they've been somewhere and someone else 'jokingly' says 'where was my invite'
I think its so rude and aggressive and there's no answer to it. It makes the person being asked so uncomfortable and awkward.

I have 2 different friends who use this line all the time and it drives me mad (maybe also because neither of them ever suggest or organise anything)

OP posts:
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tiredandabitfat · 25/04/2024 12:34

@Josette77 but I don't find it funny. That's the point. So it is awkward.

SometimesIDowonder · 24/04/2024 16:25

I've only heard this as a joke when it's clear it's not their thing, like my nan saying it about me going clubbing back in the day. If you used it not as a joke I'd think there's something wrong like very insecure.

And as I used to say either it's not for you or I don't know its not my party.

Josette77 · 24/04/2024 16:21

tiredandabitfat · 24/04/2024 16:01

I agree it's (generally) lighthearted as opposed to aggressive / rude,

BUT I still hate it.

The what time shall I come over? "joke"....like, what's the reply to that?

Other than an awkward "haha", I never know what to say to those jokes.

There's lots of lazy "jokes" like that that just make me feel awkward cos they just kind of stop the conversation....can't think of any of the others off the top of my head

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I think laughing is an appropriate response to someone's joke.

There's nothing awkward about that.

Applescruffle · 24/04/2024 16:06

judgementfail · 24/04/2024 01:55

What IS that? A mouldy ham perhaps? Those old fashioned bellows? A she wee?

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I've never seen it before but I'm pretty sure it's an oyster

Weighnow · 24/04/2024 16:02

MrsMitford3 · 17/04/2024 12:50

I Have a friend who does it all the time. She says it about everything-including things like family meals out etc

The irony of it is that she never keeps any plans made and cancels/bails on every arrangement.

So passive aggressive.

I'd tell her that's why she doesn't get invited

tiredandabitfat · 24/04/2024 16:01

User284725 · 23/04/2024 23:50

It's nearly always lighthearted and tongue in cheek isn't it? It's a causal way to say 'sounds like you had a good time' or 'I'm up for doing the same one day' it encourages friendship. It's similar humour to 'what time should I come round?' When someone says they are cooking something nice for dinner. It's not serious.

I agree it's (generally) lighthearted as opposed to aggressive / rude,

BUT I still hate it.

The what time shall I come over? "joke"....like, what's the reply to that?

Other than an awkward "haha", I never know what to say to those jokes.

There's lots of lazy "jokes" like that that just make me feel awkward cos they just kind of stop the conversation....can't think of any of the others off the top of my head

Garlicked · 24/04/2024 13:58

Whatifthehokeycokey · 24/04/2024 11:42

"I don't really know how to reply to that."

An excellent reply when you don't know how to reply 😀

Ssssssssh · 24/04/2024 13:48

It's a joke. It means that whatever it is looks or sounds like it was good. So if someone is taking about what they did in Japan someone else could say 'aw, where was my invitation?'. Around here it is almost compulsory to ask if there is room for you in the suitcase of someone going on holiday when they tell you where they are going. It's just a way of saying 'nice holiday!'

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 24/04/2024 13:39

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 24/04/2024 01:34

"It got lost, along with your manners!"

A lot of replies along these lines ... yet ... isn't this what people are advised to message when someone has been in the position of being the person left out? (There have been several MN threads from this point of view)

Perhaps the answer here is that people need to consider the other person's position a little more .

Josette77 · 24/04/2024 12:27

I take this as a joke when people say it.

Time4achangeithink · 24/04/2024 12:05

FinkleFlint · 24/04/2024 02:03

An oyster? An avocado past its best?

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Its a pearl ppl!! 😂

CoodleMoodle · 24/04/2024 12:01

DM says this to us all the time. She comes with us to lots of places (theme parks, holidays, etc) but if I take the DC somewhere she'll "jokingly" ask why she didn't get to come. Even if it's just the cinema or swimming or something. Drives me nuts! She says it to the kids too, which winds me up even more...

Whatifthehokeycokey · 24/04/2024 11:42

"I don't really know how to reply to that."

Hairspray123 · 24/04/2024 10:41

FinkleFlint · 24/04/2024 09:59

Yeah – and in which case where was their invite? 😄

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🐚 😂

FinkleFlint · 24/04/2024 09:59

Hairspray123 · 24/04/2024 07:51

I think it depends on the occasion they say it about. If it was something like a night out with DH obviously they wouldnt be invited and is clearly a joke and so YABU and a bit touchy. If it was an event where they have perhaps been left out of or it would have been polite and kind to invite them then it probably is a dig at the organiser/group that left that person out.

Yeah – and in which case where was their invite? 😄

needsomewarmsunshine · 24/04/2024 09:45

I always take this sort of thing as a joke and laugh it off tbh. I wouldn't get caught up in a drama or debate, just move on.

MorningSunshineSparkles · 24/04/2024 09:37

I just reply with “must have got lost in the mail” usually. Normally shuts them up Grin

saraclara · 24/04/2024 09:10

"Where was my invite?!" is a jokey remark to say it sounds like you had a good time. As PP have said, it's just like "What time shall I come for dinner?" when you've shared that you're cooking something delicious.

For some reason, "Why didn't I get an invitation?" sounds like a genuine question, plaintive and awkward.

That's what I was about to post. I would never take "where was my invite?!" as anything other than a joke. It's a specific wording that indicates light-hearted envy.

Pretty much any other wording asking why they weren't invited, is awkward and a bit pathetic.

candragonsbepurple · 24/04/2024 08:49

A joke is meant to make people laugh. If no one laughs - It's not a bloody joke

Asking "Where was my invite" is passive aggressive, especially when (like OP mentions) your friends don't stick to plans. You want to spend time, then you make plans and stick to them otherwise you won't get invited places

GoFaster83 · 24/04/2024 08:35

I jokingly asked if I could join a poster who had arranged a huge family holiday. (Obviously joking, i was just complimenting her organisation skills). But now I'm slightly disappointed she didn't reply with an egg on an ironing board emoji. I'd have liked that.

VestibuleVirgin · 24/04/2024 08:04

My response would be 'where is your question mark?

PoppyCherryDog · 24/04/2024 08:02

BrandNewBicep · 17/04/2024 18:49

I've only ever seen this as a jokey, light hearted comment with no seriousness intended.

This. It’s just a phrase and I’ve never seen it used where the person actually expected to be invited.

Hairspray123 · 24/04/2024 07:51

I think it depends on the occasion they say it about. If it was something like a night out with DH obviously they wouldnt be invited and is clearly a joke and so YABU and a bit touchy. If it was an event where they have perhaps been left out of or it would have been polite and kind to invite them then it probably is a dig at the organiser/group that left that person out.

ladyofshertonabbas · 24/04/2024 07:38

Isn’t it a way of saying ‘sounds great, I’d love to have been there.’ Ie not necessarily passive aggressive?