I really struggle to be around my step son for various reasons and am not really sure how to move forward.
I myself was a single mother and so I know how important it is for the 'step mother' to be a positive person in the child's life. I also purposely wanted to date someone with a child as I felt they were more understanding of the ups and downs of dealing with a blended family.
However, I really struggle with my partner's child and it has become a real issue in our relationship.
The son, who is 9, doesn't really understand boundaries and I feel he is obsessed with hugging or touching me or wants to touch my things. I've tried to gently explain that I'm not ready for a hug right now or how my things are important to me but my partner then feels I am being standoffish and should hug him when he wants a hug etc because he is only a child or that he should have access to anything in our house because it's his house too. This has caused an argument because I became stroppy that he kept coming into our bedroom when I was changing and I asked him not to. I've tried to explain that I have boundaries and don't always want to be hugged or touched or sat on but my partner thinks I am being awkward.
In addition, he's a very unclean child and has terrible habits such as touching himself all the time or wiping snot everywhere. When I have approached this with his dad, his response is that all boys do this. I have a teenage son who doesn't do this and don't believe that it is just a boy thing. But also, if he is doing it, to remind him that we don't touch ourselves when other people are in the room etc but his dad thinks I'm telling him off and being OCD.
It's reached the point now where his dad will comment on any interaction I have with his child and if I'm not acting like a child's TV presenter around him (extreme but that's how I feel!), then I am criticised and called out for making the house awkward and uncomfortable. I now make plans to be out of the house when he is there at the weekend but obviously that's not a long term solution.
I'm not really sure how to keep approaching my partner about this as like I have mentioned, it's become a bit of a sore issue between us so any tactics or ways of approaching would be great.