To say portrayals of motherhood have become too negative?

Au contraire most celebs who have babies not only crow about how great it was, they also bounce back and look perfect pretty quickly. O wouldn't take them and their army of nannies seriously.

It's difficult to understand what @Mushroo actually wants because there is plenty of positive content. 'Babies great' is still the default. Most of the world still thinks ia woman's primary purpose to reproduce. And the internet is so vast that you can find positive, negative or neutral content on any subject you choose .

If the OP was a high flying, partying travelling type and following a lot of that content she will obviously come across a lot of disappointment from people who need to scale back their lifestyles. Equally, given the insane cost of childcare a lot of people are choosing not to have kids and putting out content to justify their decision. Understandably so, since having kids is the default.

If the OP is in any way intelligent she'll look at the things that actually matter , from real people. I personally am more concerned about the high cost of childcare (more than a grand a month in my cheap part of Greater Manchester). The appalling treatment and birth injuries faced by women I know at the hands of the NHS. PND, special needs in kids, etc. The stalling careers of women who have defaulted to be the primary carers and are constantly off for kid illnesses etc.

All these are very real issues. What strangers on the internet opine is irrelevant and you don't even know whether it's true. I'm aware how ironic that statement is...

My DC’s are 8 and 13 now and I’ve enjoyed every part of being a mum. I absolutely love it and wish I could have more children so I could do it all over again. It’s not always been easy but it’s so worth it. They’re absolutely the greatest thing that ever happened to me and my biggest achievements in life. I do understand that not everyone feels this way though for many different reasons. I’m glad you’re enjoying being a mum after having some apprehension about it all.

The world has changed towards a victimhood narrative. Many people no longer want to project themselves as resilient, happy and coping well - they want to show themselves as suffering. Social media sympathy is easier to acquire than congratulations, especially when you need to be living the high life to look good next to influencers.

Bigging up your struggles as a parent is a race to the bottom on so many online communities.

I tend to stay quiet about loving being a parent and having really enjoyed it. It's seen as smug and people who haven't enjoyed it so much can get touchy about it.

Mine are teens now, yesterday I had one it Italy and one at a friend's house and no one to cook for, no one to have those evening chats and laughs with and I felt really sad at the realisation that it's coming an end. Before I know it they will have flown the nest. Don't get me wrong I've got plans for when they leave and am looking forward to that but at the same time I'll miss them deeply. It hasn't always been plain sailing, one has asd and anxiety and the other is a teenage girl but it's been an absolute privilege to parent them, they are growing into awesome young adults. I've genuinely enjoyed every stage from the tiny sweet newborns to the funny, boundary pushing teens, they are a delight!

I had my first DC when doing really well in my career and, while I adored him, the monotony of early child rearing was hard for me. With my second three years later I absolutely loved it.

After that I worked almost full time for the next decade until I was able to scale things back as my DH's business took off and we paid off our mortgage.

I've now been a SAHM since 2018 and it's the happiest I've ever been. Never thought I'd be this person but, for me, finally putting myself last has, strangely, led to quite incredible contentment.

I wouldnt want to be a mother in today's society.
Way too much pressure put on mums and dads to be perfect.
Too many people get involved its like like you cant raise a child how you want because of fear.
Parents so busy with working getting child care with nanys and GPs it like passing the child around all week.
Come the weekend and hoildays so many activities and clubs to keep the child busy so they dont notice the parents are not around sometimes a child just wants to spend time with the parents.
And then comes the SEN not all kids have it their just acting out.
And some wonder why a child will grow up and go NC.

So many factors can play into your experience though. If you have one really easy baby, no health issues and a good support system then no doubt it will be a hugely positive experience.

I love being a mother and by and large I loved my kids' childhoods, all the different stages, though obviously some of it was hard - the illness years can seem never-ending! 2 till 9 or 10 was my favourite age.

And then we came to my NEXT favourite age (many on here are not yet old enough to have got to this point) - my daughters are adult now, one is married, one not, but we have wonderful times together. We sometimes take holidays together, we share some theatre and other interests, we make music as a family when they are both home. They support us if we need it (husband had a stroke last year: daughters and son-in-law shared the hospital trips, the after-care support, everything) and we support them too in any way we can.

We Whatsapp all day long with this and that. I would absolutely describe them as my best friends, though we aren't in each others' pockets the whole time.

I can't imagine how my life would be without them.

Not unreasonable at all. Being a parent is hard but I love it. I have 3 and would have a 4th if I was a bit younger and coped with pregnancy better. After mat leave I had to return to work full time (Also a high achiever, with a good job) however some days I wish it was the other way round.

I agree OP.

My theory is there are 3 main reasons why people say all the negativities of parenting:

1. They feel like they’re bragging if they’ve had it easy. So they lie to ‘fit the crowd’.
2. They just spout off what everyone else says like parenting sheep because the ‘drama’ of having a hard time is more entertaining as a conversation than enjoying and finding parenting easy.
3. They genuinely had a hard time.

YANBU. It’s just the trend to be too cool for motherhood atm.

If you real think ‘feminism’ is what’s wrong with the world, perhaps you should get out more and look around? Because your mentality isn’t much of an ad for SAHMs.

I was always told, oh you'll struggle,you'll hate it, its hard, mh first chikd was dxd t1 diabetic at 2y8months do that was hard andnhe has adhd too, hes almost 20 (next week) but I love motherhood and my kids. It was hard at first, I was 22 and single second time I was 30 and with my now partner, my daughter is 12 (last week) I think alot people tend to off load about their kids, but no one should have tried to put you off having them that's really unfair. I'm glad you're enjoying your time with her. Maybe You were ready in your life, which alot of people aren't. Maybe you can be the one to let others know how amazing mother hood is :)

There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to do that and choosing a man who agrees.

The problem is when you dictate that it’s what woman, full stop, should do.

People only hate the latter.

I did like you, prepare for the absolute worst. I found it surprisingly easy, despite not being particularly maternal. My first baby was an actual dream, she had a spate of colic around 7pm for a few weeks at around 8weeks but that was the hardest part.

Breastfed easily from day1, got into a routine at 6weeks, slept from 10-6 from 10weeks onwards. I didn't dare mention this to other mums at playgroup. She was a lazy baby, happy to sit and watch everyone else, played nicely for ages. So easy, I took her to work with me after maternity leave, she played by my desk and napped with no issues. DD2 was fairly easy too and now they are teen/ preteen they've been great, I'm constantly waiting for the ball to drop being a natural realist.

I was always told having kids would be the best thing I’ve ever done, so quite the opposite really. Glad you’ve enjoyed your mat leave and enjoying motherhood, everyone’s experience is vastly different. Mine was tough, my exhaustion was battling with the joy of having my DD all of the time, she was a velcro baby, slept on me pretty much for a year, only now that she’s 2, and she is a bit more independent and sleeps through on her own, etc, I can say I truly enjoy motherhood.

I think for people who have them because they want them, it is easier. Others are pressured or don't think it through or find themselves pregnant unplanned probably find it harder with the responsibility of having a child and the limitations that entails. You obviously put a lot of consideration into choosing to have a chold, so I think that taking the extra time to reflect and make sure it was what you really wanted has probably benefited you.

This is what is wrong with the world..

The feminist protocol that gets drilled in to us growing up... Be a Boss bitch.. don't have kids get a career in high profile places. make money

I'm very old fashioned in my views and people will hate me for it.. But men work and women stay at home...

I was bought up this way.. never understood it until I had my first child... I worked hard with pretty impressive people in jobs.. but nothing NOTHING could come close to how my life felt complete staying at home raising a child...

Xxx

I look back on my SAHM years with great affection too. All the negatives, listed here and also by my own friends, colleagues (and mother - who went back to work very quickly because she had to) are true but did not make my experience feel negative.

I was grateful that my husband agreed that we should downsize our lives a bit to allow it and it was a struggle at times so then I did a bit of work to get us through.

I loved it - I didn't expect to but although all the negatives are there and I had no experience with children of the gender mine were - I now think that although all the negatives were constantly emphasised, no-one told me that I actually it was possible I wouldn't care about these things. I adored that time.

Not everyone is the same and I didn't expect to discover how happy my children made me either. I think there is no praise or blame appropriate - you will be who you are. I do think society should value stay at home parents (both mothers and fathers) more.

I don’t think being honest is ‘moaning’?

I agree. My maternity leave was the happiest time of my life. I'm back at work now and treasure the time I have with my baby even more. I think it has become trendy to moan about parenthood and I think mothers like scaring FTM about horror birth stories!

@MrsTerryPratchett My Mother and gran worked as well. My gran cleaned the local pub. She was not trying to be a career woman or a home educator. She went out to clean while her husband looked after my mum in the evening.

Cobblers. Both my grandmothers were as working class (and poor) as you could get. Single mothers who both worked. I'm the first woman on both sides for three generations who had a child IN wedlock and took over a year off.

It's not a modern nor is it a middle class expectation. Working mums who do everything at home have always been common. Taking time off historically would have been more middle class, poor people couldn't afford it!

It’s mad because everyone’s experiences of being a mother are individual. There’s no ‘standard’ motherhood. Just as your childhood or your marriage or the loss of your virginity or your phobias or your friendships or your thought processes etc etc aren’t identical to anyone else’s, so too with parenthood. Absolutely parenthood is a difficult or impossible thing to open usage until you’ve done it, by which time it’s irrevocable, but no one else’s experience, no matter how honestly shared, is the slightest guide.

Even taking the newborn stage as an example, variables include your health, your baby’s health, your MH, what country/culture you live in, your wealth, your physical environment, the amount of support you have, your experience with babies, your personality, your own experiences of being parented, your relationship with your partner if you have one etc etc.

I was the last of my friends who have children to have a child, and I joined Mn when I was pregnant, plus I read every parenting book I could find in three languages. Nothing in any way resembled my own experience.

@MrsTerryPratchett I quite agree.

Motherhood is a marathon not a sprint and you're barely around the first corner.