To say portrayals of motherhood have become too negative?

I was an older mum, had my two later due to consuming professional career and continuous post graduate exams and shift work.
Neither were easy babies, at all, didn’t sleep, etc.
Very difficult birth for the first with big postnatal challenges both times.
BUT… I agree with you. I loved my maternity leave so much and I felt that despite all my academic and professional achievements, nothing compared to motherhood. They are both primary school age and I still love it. I am working full time in a very varied career but being a mum still gives me more satisfaction and fulfillment than anything else. And like you, I almost didn’t go down this path either, due to lots of fear and also as I thought I wasn’t that maternal. My only regret is not doing it sooner and having more!!

I felt like this with my first daughter, I loved spending every day with her, going to baby groups, meeting in the local pub garden with other mum and our babies, loved being a mum and the new confidence that came with it. Then I had 2 more 😂 So 3 under 5. I still love being a mum, but it isn’t as floaty and idyllic as that first year with baby 1. It just feels like a lot of time management and arguments now, they’re 7, 5 & 3! So yes 1 baby, 1 year for me - great! But it is more hectic and stressful now.

Yes maternity leave was the best thing ever, done it twice now and was sooooo easy compared to juggling work and 3 children (2 of them twins) but even though I had no sleep for 13 months and running around after my first with twins in tow I absolutely loved it and still do even working 4 days a week as a head of school. (And life is crazily busy) I didn’t have mine til later in life and so glad I had time to go out with just me and hubby but we are so content as a family of 5 and wouldn’t change it. (Maybe apart from the working bit if one of us could afford to stay at home we certainly would to stop the rushing) but yes motherhood is portrayed so negatively especially with twins. All the comments I get it must be so hard etc etc, yes sometimes it is when they run off in different directions but generally I love every minute with all of them and they are a good bunch. My 7 year old is amazing company too (most of the time): enjoy your time with your Baby and it does keep getting better!

I think sometimes it is perception . I loved been a mum it was challenging - we left my abusive ex who I only recognised behaving this way once Ds was born , Ds had jaundice , so was woken every three hours for first 3 weeks.. they also think he had a milk intolerance . He also has adhd and it took me years to realise my baby doesn’t sleep was not by baby doesn’t sleep I have just had a really rough night been up 4/ 5 times not my baby hasn’t slept more than 10 minutes at a time.

however we did bond really well . I did water babies and a music class and definitely it was the making of me .

i do think having a baby isn’t all bad or good .

no two babies are the same I am glad it’s been a good experience for you .

It depends on the child I find I enjoyed my first 4 but my 5th was horrendous and just screamed every moment he was awake for 9 months straight I did NOT enjoy having him at all , my 6th is an absolute dream and just a joy to be around .
The teenage years though ........ dear.me

It's not an even playing field. Some people have more challenging circumstances than others, from conception to independent adults.

On reflection, I think this is very true and your circumstances (health, money, family support, relationship) will vastly affect how you experience motherhood.

Also, people experience things differently. I have a friend that has not had a single evening away from her baby, now 19 months. Never. Will not entertain the idea of a babysitter, doesn't give a shit about the birthdays and socials she is missing. She LOVES being with her little one and once she finishes work at 5, the only thing she wants is to go home and be with her baby. There are women who would view that as madness and who really need the mental break from their kid once in a while.

On balance, I feel it's a good thing to be able to hear honest views.

I don't just want to hear the fluffy stories of how amazing it all is and how natural it should all come to me because I have a vagina.

On the contrary to your experience, I was hoping I would enjoy and understand the joys of motherhood. Instead, I ran back to work 6 months after my child was born. It was probably the worst year of my life. I wish more people in my circle told me how hard it is.

This is so bizarre because I've always wanted kids and before I had them literally everyone told me how awful it would be.

Then they tell child free people how wonderful it is! Why are people like this 😂

And everyone who told me it's awful were wrong - for me it's been like manufacturing your own best friends

This is the type of doom mongering I’m guessing 🤔

I love this post. I had a baby 22 years ago, unplanned, at the age of 28. So not a disaster as i had a partner and wasn't really young. None of my friends had kids. I was dreading it as I had never been arounds kids. Just thought they were annoying noises on public transport. I was expecting hard work but I hadnt thought how fun it would be, how rewarding and didn't realise I would love my kids so much. Even when the 2nd (planned) child arrived and never slept for 2 years i loved the journey of bringing them up. Teenagers waking me up drunk at 2am, their mates coming in and out of the house etc
Yes it's tiring sometimes and financially tough but if you embrace the madness and dont need an immaculate house it is amazing

Thank you for your lovely post- it was so refreshing to read.
I had my 2 children in the late 80’s and early 90’s so they are in their 30’s now.
We didn’t have a lot of money in the early years so that made things a bit stressful, but overall I loved it.
My eldest daughter (36) was keen to have children and has a 2yr old now but the younger one (31) is slightly horrified at the prospect of having children, although does talk about it. I think she sees a lot of unhappy mothers around her.
There has been no pressure from me as having children is a lot of hard work and you won’t enjoy it in a half hearted fashion but the joys certainly outweighed the tough days IMO. I will show her your post. Thanks

I feel exactly as you do OP! I move in high achieving circles, and all I heard was how awful it would be.

I LOVED it! And it was so much easier than my job tbh - which also involves sleepless nights. Having babies is so much fun - I've told everyone because I feel like I was so cheated by everyone telling me how awful it would be. I was so, so nervous during my first pregnancy.

I even found silly superficial things were better than I expected like everyone joked that your vagina would be ruined after birth - mine went right back to normal. It was so tight we struggle to have sex the first time we tried after birth. I know that's probably TMI but I've genuinely been shocked at how awfully/ruinous everything was portrayed to me about having a baby. My DC have made my life so much better :)

It was the worst year of my life…

I remember feeling contented when I had one. I found it easy.
I never felt that again when I added to our numbers.

I don't know. I've been open and honest with my daughters about the realities of parenthood for women. I feel I owe it to them.

My son was WAY easier that daughter. I’ve never heard anyone say girls are easier.

Not that successful then.

You had a girl (easier than boys) and youve you've 1....which is wayyyyy easier than more than 1. You're also just at the end of maternity leave. You're a Newby. Give it time. The hard work is still to come. You've just done the easy stage where the worst part is sleepless nights.

I imagine, like most of us, it's because her rent/mortgage doesn't pay itself?

🙄

If you love it so much why are you going back to work?

It sounds like your baby has been particularly easy and in my opinion, it's the return to work after maternity leave that is far more most stressful than looking after a baby when you are on mat leave.

If your DC is going to nursery, they will likely get constantly sick in the first year, and unless you have family nearby who can help, this creates a lot of stress in terms of having to juggle work and a sick child.

I agree with you; just wait until your DC are teenagers - everyone tells you teenagers are awful. In my experience of two now grown up DSC, who each lived with us as teens, and two current teens they are great! We’ve had our ups and downs (reflux, lack of sleep, tantrums, exams, dodgy boy/girlfriends) over the years, but I’ve embraced it all and for the most part loved it. Toddler years were the hardest for me (SAHM with very active twins), but I still enjoyed it. I think you just have to remember that everyone’s experiences are different - I currently have friends going through hell with their teens and I really feel for them and know that could just as easily be us, and of course still might be at some point.

I love parenting but you have to be a bit careful. There are at least 3 women that I work with who have been trying for a baby for a long time. I also know people who find it very tough. If I swanned around saying how much I loved having children it would be a bit insensitive.

I agree that victimhood is hot right now, social media is prone to the constant moaning about how hard it all is, mummy-needs-gin etc. It’s cool to complain.

I had severe PND so I didn’t have the average new motherhood experience. The first 18 months were truly horrific for me.
However, lots of people lose sight of the fact that babies grow up rather quickly. I have to say my 12 year old is my favourite person in the world. I have loved being a parent to a child. A baby, not so much, but my experience wasn’t typical.

I mean, that's pretty understandable because she will be affected by what she has seen.

But surely on a rational level she must know that as a senior obstetrician she only attends the most complex births?

If she were a midwife she might have a different view.

I hope everything goes smoothly for her anyway!

Dd1's first baby is due next week. Unfortunately she is a senior gynaecologist/ obstetrician and is very aware of what can go wrong. I think she has found it very stressful.