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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what happens when Social Services gets involved

108 replies

MadameDeLaRue · 17/04/2024 10:31

There has been a referral because my 7 year old child has been mistreated by their father. The father was coercively controlling to me and has imposed control on my child which may have negatively impacted their physical health.

The ex is devious and will definitely minimise, lie, characterise me as being at fault somehow.

I have been keeping a log of my child's feelings (they say that their father is mean and that they hate him, but can't or won't give details).

How will this work? Will SS be interested in all the details that I can share? I truly think that my ex is a dangerous and controlling person who has created a culture of fear for my child, and I am worried about this getting swept under the rug.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 17/04/2024 11:31

MadameDeLaRue · 17/04/2024 10:48

@FunLurker my child doesn't like talking to anyone about their feelings or experiences as a rule. Even me - though I think I get the most privileged access.

My child's best friend's mum (also my friend) told me that my child confided in them about being terrified of their father and hating him. Would they want to know about this? I think it's really important that they understand how fearful he makes everyone despite not being physically violent.

Yes, of course they would want to know if your child repeatedly tells people she is frightened of her father. Tell them literally everything that concerns you about your daughter's interactions/reactions to her father.

KreedKafer · 17/04/2024 11:30

I remember your thread about your daughter.

All the questions you're asking here are questions you'll be able to ask SS. They will talk to everyone involved including you. Tell them that you have a record of everything and they will tell you whether it's something they should/shouldn't see.

Original poster
MadameDeLaRue · 17/04/2024 10:48

@Summerishere123 I reported concerns to the school. They contacted SS.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameDeLaRue · 17/04/2024 10:48

@FunLurker my child doesn't like talking to anyone about their feelings or experiences as a rule. Even me - though I think I get the most privileged access.

My child's best friend's mum (also my friend) told me that my child confided in them about being terrified of their father and hating him. Would they want to know about this? I think it's really important that they understand how fearful he makes everyone despite not being physically violent.

OP posts:
Summerishere123 · 17/04/2024 10:46

The allegation against him was presumably made by someone independent to yourselves? If so, he already has a challenge to change their perception of him. Hand over all the info you have. It can only help you.

Original poster
MadameDeLaRue · 17/04/2024 10:45

I forgot I also have photos of my child's hair and some videos of them sharing their feelings. (A few times I put the video on and had it pointing to the ceiling when they were telling me how much they don't like Daddy, begging me not to send them anymore, etc)

OP posts:
FunLurker · 17/04/2024 10:42

SS will listen to everyone involved, their also speak to the school. Not sure what they can do with your log as he can turn round and say it's all lies. Hopefully your child opens up to a professional, their very good at getting children to.

Original poster
MadameDeLaRue · 17/04/2024 10:33

*the log also describes incidents that have occurred, like him telling my child that I didn't care about seeing them on a special occasion, ambushing me at the school gates, not washing or brushing my child's hair for a week, etc

OP posts: