ExH reducing maintenance due to DLA, CB and CA?

This is a typical attitude of these types of "fathers."

When my ex saw how much I was receiving in benefits he stopped paying the mortgage. (He told me this in writing!) At the time I didn't claim child maintenance because he was covering the mortgage payments and it benefited the both of us that he kept paying. But it turned out that child maintenance payments were higher than the mortgage payment, so I immediately put a claim in to CMS and backdated it from the time of our separation (due to DV, and he had no access to DC as a result). He played silly buggers and lost.

My financially abusive STBX also treats my CA and CB as my income and reduces CM by 1/3 of their value per month.

Having said that he will continue to pay CM when DS2 starts uni in Oct he's now decided to stop it as DS2 is eligible for a maintenance loan, needs to stop being entitled and get a part time job because I 'chose' to leave and 'don't work'.

He also deducts the cost travel and food (£10 for 1 meal) of DS2 visiting him for a couple of hours EOW. DS2 has to travel to see him.

He's also said he can't afford to pay the fees for pension sharing order and wants me to pay at least 50% if he inherits by that time or 100% with a promise he will pay me back slowly over time. He wants me to pay for this using DS1's and DS2's PIP.

I put up with it because he pays 2/3 of DS1's monthly mortgage payments - we took out a joint mortgage sole proprietor mortgage as DS1 is unlikely to work or live alone so me and DS2 live in DS1's house. He also contributes temporarily until I receive private pension to my household bills. He doesn't like this and regularly tries to argue that PIP is really mine and I should use it to fund household costs so he can keep more of his income (he is a high rate tax payer).

He hopes that this 'generosity' will mean that pension sharing will be in his favour as he rents privately and thinks that our son's house is really my house because I am his live in carer.

I am not looking forward to the divorce and anticipate him saying that he can no longer afford to pay a share of DS1's mortgage. He wants us to privately agree the financial split so he can pressure me into agreeing a pension split in his favour. I think I need independent advice.

You have my sympathy OP. I cannot get over the way STBEX views disability and caring income as money he is entitled to benefit from even as a non resident parent.

I missed this first time. For £75, collect and pay will cost you £3.75, so you'll receive £71.25.

He will be charged £90 however. But that's his problem. Please speak to them again, and request everything they say in writing.

I'll be brutally honest, when you first speak to someone on the phone, you're not speaking to the best and brightest.

Go to CMS anyway on principle as it will cost him too.

What a toe-rag! I'd go through CMS now just for the principle. He'll have to pay more as they take a cut. Would serve him right. Unless he's likely to go 'self-employed' and hide his income. What a prince of a man.

£75 a month and he wants to reduce it further? I'm glad he's an ex op he sounds like a horrible man.

Ask them for that in writing. Or a transcript of the call where they say it. Then make a formal complaint and escalate it to your MP.

Go through CMS. Your daughter deserves it, it most certainly is worth the hassle. What will she miss out on without that £20? A class trip? A friend's birthday party? New school shoes?

Don't be passive in this.

There's no way cms said to not bother and be grateful you get anything

@OngoingMaintenance did you tell him you had started receiving those benefits or were you getting them before you split???

If these numbers are correct then definitely get it taken from his pay. What a revolting man.

He’s disgusting! Dla is the child’s money for things associated with their disability, and I doubt he needs a share of that for 1 night in 14! Carers allowance you have to be properly caring for the child over 35 hours a week and he doesn’t do that. You also have to be earning next to nothing.
And cms are out of order. They tried telling my friend she was lucky got anything also and didn’t need anymore when her ex was paying less than he should. Ring them back and insist.

Also just realised he’s taking a cut of your carers allowance. How fucking dare he?! I can’t believe he’s being allowed to financially abuse you and your child like this.

He is being a nasty, cheap, financially controlling cunt. DLA is not means tested and neither is child maintenance. Neither of these payments affects what benefits you get, including child benefit.

Shame on the father of your child for behaving this way and on CMS for not enforcing the totally pathetic amount of child support he’s meant to pay in full.

If you go through the CMS you should be logging the underpayments & they should be taking action. Call them back because it's procedurally incorrect to be told that there's nothing they can do. If he continues to underpay they'll put a deduction of earnings order in place & take maintenance payments, plus the arrears he'll build up by underpaying, directly from his wages. I've been dealing with that shower for 8 years now & unfortunately you sometimes get someone who is undertrained or pushing a personal agenda (male rights activists) answering your call. Always start calls by asking the call handlers name & if what they're saying sounds off, hang up & call back to speak to someone different. Then report the worker who gave you the incorrect information as requiring training.

And stop telling your ex about your income, it's none of his business how much you get & where it comes from.

@60andsomething it doesn't work like that the dla is the daughters benefit not the parents and the carers allowance is only for those who do 35 hours or more of care per week (above and beyond what a average child would normally need) so he's not entitled to a penny of the mums carers allowance, however if he also cares for her for over 35 hours per week he can apply himself (though he'd need to see her a lot more than he does now).
So he's not entitled to a percentage of the benefits

You will lose 3£ so should get 72£. He will end up paying £90.

What terrible advice!! FFS.

Yes you will lose out some but it won’t be as much as 20£ and he will lose out more! they take off 4% of beneficiary and 20% off the payer.
I would get them to collect and pay. Will help focus his mind. You may find he decides to change tune.

I would contact cms again you’ve been misadvised and it’s incredibly unprofessional what they’ve said to you

DLA is essentially your daughters money, for you to provide the extra things she needs due to her disability.
CA is your pittance of a wage for being her carer above and beyond expected parenting.
Child benefit is always paid to the resident parent, and and he has her so little, his "share' is pocket change.
Hes a knob.

so if he did get a proportion of the DLA and CA, what would it come to?

No, that's not how it works.

CMS is based on his income and nothing more. Not how much you get. You could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter.