Help me not overshare details with nosy school mother

Think about protecting your DD.
Any information you give might have no negative consequences at all. Might be sunshine and butterflies and rainbows all the way.
Or it could be used to manipulate friendships, lead to unwanted comparisons, whatever you tell this mother may be reinterpreted and shared with her daughter…there are no good sides to over-sharing so for the sake of your daughter, try and develop a bit of self-control.
Ive had parents rummaging through other children’s workbooks at parents evenings, looking to compare. Digging through book bags in order to see what reading level another child is on. All in a desperate flurry of wanting their child to be ‘better’ than their peers.
Just don’t. You’re an adult. Choose your words wisely and stop and think if what you are sharing is ok.

You sure she's not just trying to make conversation about a subject familiar to both, the info is hardly scintillating

I would just say Oh, just the usual on repeat.

I would just say "I'm really pleased with how Bethany's doing, she's very happy at school, that's the best we can wish for, isn't it?"

Then move it on to something you're doing at the weekend or for a holiday, or a book you've read.

If I was feeling like I couldn’t say nothing I just prattling on but getting all the details wrong. Play dates? Yes, we have Bianca round most days, from the class, not a Bianca in the class, hmm is it Brittany? Beth? Ben? No you do know them, they have a yellow school bag, dads an admiral in the navy? Gets dropped off in a pink Jeep? You must know them. Was an angel in the navity, broke their arm at camp on and on and on talking shit

Don't miss the Alpha mum; thankfully too old for that now.

I had this with a volunteer couple a few years ago. I'd met them previously, but it hadn't seemed quite so intrusive then, but we were then stuck collecting for a charity and it was like I was a target. He ran out of questions and ended up asking me what I was putting in my sandwiches for a weekend event! At that point, I just said 'do you know that this feels like 20 questions?'. At that point he had the grace to look embarrassed and said that he had been told that before and he was sorry, he and his wife are just really nosy! It did stop after that and I was pretty impressed that he told the truth.

Tell her you child has taken up one legged nose flute playing.

"It's sooooo hard not to compare them, isn't it, but you really mustn't worry, I'm sure your little Tabitha is doing fine and will catch up soon."

I saw a TikTok the other day of a schoolgirl in the US that had a girl in her class that was copying everything she did, was trying to steal her boyfriend, etc.

On April Fools day she posted a very obviously AI generated photo of herself with a pink pixie cut saying she "fancied a change".

The next day she went into school and the other girl had dyed and cut her hair into a pink pixie cut! Then the original girl got yelled at by all the other girl's friends for "embarrassing her"!

So... tell the nosey mum that your child is planning a really radical hair cut and wait and watch...

'Here we go with the nosy questions! Can't you give it a rest?!'

I'd assume she was insecure rather then competitive. I wouldn't be mean

In the meanwhile I'd work on setting in your own head what kind of information you consider to be over sharing, and then make sure you don't over share that information.

If it's generally that you are sharing too much and you feel it's unequal and wierd, I'd really keep circling back to questions for her rather than answering. It's a tough one though, if you're naturally a talker, but just keep asking questions back.

I really have never come across this calculated uber competitive parent stereotype. Most parents I know are just struggling to do the best for their kids and some have a bit more anxiety than others and go down the information seeking route. You are entitled to not like it though, I'd just be nice about setting boundaries.

I have occasionally amused myself in similar situations by lying through my teeth in completely inconsistent ways.

‘Homework? Oh, is that what the journal is for?’

’Oh, I never allow play dates. I keep DS in a box at home when he’s not at school. Saves on laundry.’

‘DS takes his activities very seriously. He’s the only nine year old competing in Modern Pentathlon at the Paris Olympics.’

I'd really give her something to gossip about.

"Who does your daughter have playdates with?"
"To be honest, I don't know where she is half the time; I assume she's at someone's house."

"How's your daughter doing in Maths?"
"Do they still teach Maths in schools?! How extraordinary! I thought it had gone out with Latin!"

That's what I'd do... but then, I'm a dick.

The mum I knew like this was deeply insecure. In reception she used to ask.mw what reading book my child was on. I used to say whatever I could remember. Later on in primary she used to waffle on about the 'MAT table', desperate for me to ask what it was but I didn't.

This mum had an overbearing mother herself who had been a HT. I felt sorry for her in the end.

Just be vague and don't try to make her like you or your child.

Meant to say parents of children who are excelling do not usually mention it as their child's attributes speak for themselves

She may just be anxious about how her kiddo measures up, especially if its a first child or she has some concerns

look up grey rock and learn to button it

I think @theduchessofspork nailed it

Are you sure you’re not massively overestimating her level of interest? Who your daughter has play dates with is hardly hot gossip up there with the extramarital affairs of the royals.

‘Oh, that’s DD’s business so I can’t share it.’

So what, though? Her motivation is irrelevant. She’s being inquisitive.

Tell her a long rambling story involving skateboards and ex-racehounds and being barred from Australia then say "oh my goodness, I was thinking of Bart Simpson. Silly me"

This is what I was thinking - it may be she’s got some social anxiety or is not sure if she’s doing what she should be and has decided your DD is a good example of a child who’s clearly academically flourishing/well-rounded/popular. The play-dates thing is what makes me think this. Sometimes when my kids were younger I wished I knew all that their parents did about making connections, joining the desirable clubs. The fact she’s evasive might be because she’s competitive or it could be that she doesn’t know if her answers are ‘good enough.’

Just tell her that your daughter doesn't like you over sharing information about her so you won't talk about what she is up to. Ask her about holidays, work, hobbies, current affairs or anything to do with any other subject.

I would start by reframing your view of her - she doesn't sound very 'alpha' - fully grown woman behaving like this is not my view of an alpha person, quite the opposite. Pretend she is a child who you are gently trying to teach social skills and appropriateness too.

I agree with being vague and then commenting on the amount of questions. I would pre-plan some completed unrelated topics of conversation and bluntly change the subject straight after it.

"Esmeralda is doing so well at swahili classes that we're thinking of putting her in for an A level".
"Esmeralda is trying out for the national team for petanque."
"I really shouldn't say anything but Esmeralda may be appearing as an extra in a bbc drama."