Help me not overshare details with nosy school mother

Bounce every question back in a friendly way that makes it clear you’re wondering why on earth you keep being asked questions.

‘Why - do you think what your DC is doing in class isn’t the right level? … Not sure what the topics have been this week.’

’Why? Do you think your DC needs some idea for hobbies to keep them busy? Mine has no particular hobbies - she enjoys all sorts.’

’She’s had play dates with most of the class. Which children do you want to know about specifically?’

Get her to talk about her own daughter. Ask her questions. Also, get your daughter to tell you things that you don’t mind sharing. Eg how the lovely teacher did something nice with the class, or how good this women’s daughter is at something. Ego massaging!

I usually go with 'oh dc doesn't like me talking about their school stuff'

For your own amusement, every time she extols the virtues of her child, say "That's nice.' in a cool tone.

Why do I suggest this? Because, if you've ever watched Mrs Brown's Boys, you'll know that 'That's nice' actually means 'Feck off'.

I do this frequently. No one knows why I'm smirking.

Well at least you have in common that you're both anxious parents.

Just what highly secretive information are you afraid of revealing?

Or what do you think she's really trying to feret out of you? Is it dirt on the children? Is it dirt on the home environments? Is it dirt on the school?

Are you scared she'll try and nab your DD's play dates?

If all else fails, just steer the converations to times tables or teachers. Or keep it on whatever activity you're doing.

In cases like this (where all other attempts have failed, but you need to keep your head), think of a load of neutral rubbish to talk about, be it your pet, maybe a recent trip somewhere, some banal trip to the supermarket. Anything neutral, she will get bored and bog off.

That or “wow what a lot of questions for a ‘x’ afternoon”.
i love the Elvis one!

As a mum of adults, we went through this phase quite a lot when kids were younger. You'll find that such parents are not so inquisitive when it turns out their kids are not so high achieving in adult life and in fact have been a huge disappointment as they've ploughed their entirely different furrows to the ones the parents have set out for them...whilst other kids from very non-privileged and non-pushy homes have done very well. Petty but satisfying!

Excuse yourself to the bathroom.

I like the responses so far.

Or you could massively massively lie;

'Petunia's going to space camp at NASA headquarters this summer!'

'Petunia has won a place at The Royal Academy of Music!'

'Petunia is auditioning for a part on Eastenders!'

'Petunia's first novel is going to be published in time for Christmas!'

Etc.

Really use your imagination and go for it.

Keep away from this person. Don't offer information and keep replies to a minimum. She's not your friend.

Pretend you misheard her question as a different question so when you answer her, you end up saying something that doesn't make sense. Then when she says 'what?', carry on as if you haven't noticed 😂 no one wants to talk to someone who gives them a headache from confusion lol

For example 😂 :

"Who is your DD going on a play date with?"
"Yes my husband likes to play tennis on Wednesdays"
"What?"
"Yeah it's not my cup of tea though!"
"..."

That;s a good tactic. And a good way to make it usable is doing an about-turn to everyday stuff and put the boot on the other foot. ?

"What level has your DD reached in the reaching marathon?"

"Oh sorry, part of me was trying to figure out what we have for dinner tonight. What are you having. I need inspiration!"

Hold in your heart this truth OP:
Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it.

If you don't respond at all - that could be rude- but actually answering is not required and failing to do so might not even be noticable.

I observed (from listening to random conversations on the train and in cafes) that speakers often head off course because neither feels obliged to answer directly. Life is not as well constructed as novels are! This is annoying to some of us who expect to tidily answer a question or have one answered but perfectly normal. I plan to learn this skill.

'What level has your DD reached in the reading marathon?'
'Oh - that reminds me, when we were out in the park last week...'

"...Not a bit like you nosy Parker!"
"Have you always been so nosy/rude/intrusive?"
"Are you insecure about your daughters achievements?"

Try these 3 questions and am sure she will get the message. Nosy people really annoy me. Cheeky cow. 😁

I like this. Just give her absolute waffle.

"Are you writing a book about me?" 😂

Really large headphones. Whrb sge comes over. Just smile and wave dismissively and be nodding your head as if listening to musuc

Hahaha - absolutely loving the replies on this thread! I'm also an unconscious oversharer. I could kick myself afterwards sometimes, but can't seem to find the middle ground between disclosing my PIN number (not really) and telling the nosey twat to fuck off. There are some really good tips here, special thanks to @GrumpyOldCrone for 'Is that Elvis?' 😆

Freddie collects rocks. He's got quite an amazing collection, actually. There's one he found at Lyme Regis last summer that looks exactly like the Virgin Mary. I used to think it was bonkers when people found the virgin Mary in slices of toast and tea towels but honestly when you see this rock, it's quite remarkable actually.

He's mostly into igneous rocks but I'm trying to encourage him to broaden into sedimentary. I find that I don't want my children being pigeon holed too narrowly when they're so young, do you know what I mean? I'm trying to encourage him to be more of an all rounder. Sea shells as well. I've learnt a lot myself actually from reading up about it together. We like to get rock books out of the library.

I was thinking of taking him to the national rock museum. Do you know if there is one? There must be. Do you know where it is? Do you have a favourite rock?

I’m not sure I’d worry too much about offending her. I’d just tell her you’d rather not discuss other children (sleepovers/play dates etc).. or ask why she wants to know… especially since she’s coy about answering your questions! Or like others have said just be vague and say ‘I can’t remember’ ‘I don’t know’ ‘I don’t know why you need to ask that?’
or just be polite and say ‘she’s happy, we’re happy’…. And vague answers like that

'I like your top, where did you get it?'
Followed by 'I like your shoes, where did you get them?'
Followed by 'I like your coat, where did you get it?'
Followed by 'I've always admired your hair, who does it for you?'

Drives them nuts because they like the fact that you like and perhaps envy them for their lovely hair and shoes, but they don't want to tell you anything. If they say 'Gosh, what a lot of questions' you say 'Yes, I know, annoying isn't it?

If that doesn't shut them up the next time they ask you something personal you say 'Oh, you know — blah-de-blah-de-blah and all that'. (You actually say blah-de-blah). Smile knowingly and just carry on doing what you're doing.

If that fails, you just say: 'I find these personal questions of yours very intrusive. I have no intention of answering so please stop asking.'

This

I have university age children. At school they were naturally academic, sporty and musical with solid friendship groups. They were a magnet for this type of alpha parent's Spanish inquisition behaviour directed at me. I started off people pleasing and answering questions when asked. Once I got a sense of the overcompetitive/nasty/bitchy undertone to it I decided I wasn't playing ball and would just say quite openly that I didn't like these types of conversations. I would say my DC were only small for a short time and enjoying them was my priority not really what other children were doing. It would stop it dead. Probably made a few enemies through it but no-one I would have cared to call a friend anyway.

Stop going, find a new coffee morning. Volunteer with a local charity or something.

Not only will you no longer have to deal with her but you get to enjoy the thought of how pissed off it will make her when you dissappear with no explanation and she doesn't know what you're doing now.

Extra satisfying if you make sure you always look smiling and breezy around her