Buying a house, blending family and finances

OP blending families is a really big decision. Been with my partner 7 years and we have not blended yet as the timing hasn't been right for our kids.

I'm glad you are pulling back in doing this now, it's the right answer to wait, besides, he sounds like a bit of a bully the financial situation is really unfair.

Financial independence is so so important as a woman, don't give your house or finances up lightly.

Reality is, in my experience not many people actually want to pool finances with a lower earning partner (effectively subsidising that person to a higher standard of living) unless its the parent of their children (or anticipated parent of their children). It generally leads to resentment.

The exception is where the higher earning gets other forms of "value" from the partnership (so a higher earning partner might do this where low earner is a younger, more attractive person, or where they are not working out of the home & are willing to do the bulk of childcare and domestic labour.

People actually take a lot of time posting. Not stupid either. Creating this type of tread really really pisses me off.

What was wrong with the advice on the other one? Do you need convincing? Validating?

2 years is waaaaay to early to buy a house together. Some people wait longer than that to introduce their kids to a new partner!

Don’t blend your families, it has disaster written all over it.

Why are you so desperate to do this anyway? What’s pushing you?

I don't know about the finances but blending families for the first time by BUYING a house together is insane.

Could someone link the other thread please, I'm interested to read it as this post is ridiculous enough!

Don't buy a house together.

My income is at least double that of my partner's.

He pays for all things car related but I bought our current second hand cars one of which is electric. We each have our own mortgage on the house which I admit is weird.

I pay for all bills and holidays. Because he can't afford to and I can. It still feels unfair to both of us in some way. His savings have been chipped away by 20k over this time. When my money runs out he picks up the shortfall.

He does so much work at home
And helps with the sheep and horses which are mine.

We both have 2 kids but mine have all but left home. They'll both be gone by July this year. We've been blended for 8 years. And I've always paid pretty much everything because I want us all to have fun.

Our mortgages will be gone in a couple of years. Thank god because we will have 3 kids at uni in September this year.

He is the only partner I've had where I've wanted to share everything.

OP really thinks we're stupid.. 🌹

Yes you are being unreasonable and what does the children’s DLA have to do with any of this?

Why are you buying a house with someone who is neither a spouse nor a partner in any real sense of the word? Sounds like separate households with separate finances would be best.

£1300 DLA pm for two children suggests at least one of them has the highest level funding. And you are planning to blend three children who are recognised as disabled into a family based on a 2 year relationship?

Even able bodied and neurotypical children would struggle with this but you are expecting far too much from children who already have more than their fair share of challenges on their plates.

I really don't recommend you "blend" your families yet..........

Either move in together and share. That means pooling all money except for the DC DLA. Pay all bills then share what's left between the family. Or, don't move in together. You've acknowledged she will lose her benefit top ups. You won't be losing anything. Why should she make sacrifices which means her DC will lose out, for you?

....and 65% of your income going into the pot each month is £6,500 not less than £3000. You only made it less than £3000 because you chose to ignore great chunks of your income (100k bonus anyone) ...whilst not omitting the children's DLA.

Everyone told her to bin you off mate.

Your income of 207,000 is equivalent to a monthly take home after tax of over 10k.

Your partners income of 30,000 is a monthly take home of around 2,100. If you add on the child maintenance her income comes to around £2,600. The DLA should not be added for any of the children as that is directly for them.

Your partners take home pay is roughly a quarter of yours. If you go 50:50 on an expensive house she will be left with nothing left and you will have over 7k left each month.

How can you be a couple/partnership when one half of the couple is skint and one half loaded?

If you want to go 50:50 on the mortgage and all bills you will need to choose a property where the mortgage and all bills comes to 2-3k all together so that your partner has money left to live on after her half of bills. I would still advise your partner not to move in as it doesn't sound much fun for her scraping by while you have multiple thousands spare each month. She is better off remaining in her own place with her dignity in tact.

So - you want her to throw her disabled daughter's PIP payments into the pot, but also keep your £100,000 bonus all to yourself?

You don't deserve her.

If you can’t agree you shouldn’t be doing it.

She can’t afford to live by your terms.

You want her disabled child’s income to allow her to be on a level playing field when you get £200,000 a year - you should be ashamed.

Hate reverse threads.

You shouldn't be moving in with each other.

Put in 65% of the deposit, own house as tenants in common and do a declaration of trust to that effect.

And pay for a nanny and housekeeper if you expect her to do more than 50% of the childcare, shopping, laundry, cleaning, tidying, ironing, home maintenance, sorting out the finances, taking out the bins, looking after pets, school drop offs, pick ups etc etc

YABU - fair does not mean doing the same thing.

why would you want to impoverish your partner in this way?

you should put your salary, bonus and rental income in then work out what your bills are as a percentage of this. Then you’ll see how much free money you have.

despicable you’re going for a child’s PIP money but hoarding all your own rental /bonus money .

ihope this woman ends things. It’s a tough enough job being a social worker and having 2 kids…without having a “partner” like you.

YABU. Red flag etc etc

If you are the original poster just turning it around lots of people gave sound advice on your first post. I'm not quite sure why you would post again. If you are the DP I don't think you have included your enormous bonus or your consultation with friends and family about your joint finances.

You’ve already posted this from the other side of the coin, posting it again pretending to be the DP is just annoying. You already had perfectly good answers.

If, in the teensy off chance, you're the man that has now posted this, if the wages posted in the/your previous post are to go by, your wages far exceed your partners. In which case, it's entirely reasonable that you should be willing to pay more. But as posters in the last thread have mentioned, if you can't come to a reasonable agreement whereby you're both able to save and have a reasonable amount of individual money, don't move in totogether. You/you both, are clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Just one point - DLA is awarded to ensure there's money there to meet the person's needs. If any children involved have DLA, that's separate. That shouldn't go into the 'family pot'. It's not family money - it's there to provide whatever the person requires as part of their ongoing care.

Do not move in together or attempt to blend families after only 2 years together.

Both of you need to put your children's welfare above your own. Much better to keep 2 households and just date casually. 2 years is nothing. You barely know each other.

But if/when you do move in together then of course the person with the higher income puts more into the communal pot. If you aren't ok with that then relationships aren't really your thing. Consider getting a pet instead.

Just to add, as if it needs saying, there’s kids involved here. If you can’t agree that the whole family deserve the same enjoyment and outcomes in life, then you’ve got no business blending anyone!

Share disposable income 50:50 rather than splitting bills