To ask if you have anxiety, do you act like a dick to people when anxious?!

You don’t get to decide what is a trigger for someone else’s anxiety.

however, the rudeness from them is unacceptable.

what examples of things can you give which has caused them to blow up, how often do you see this person?

i feel like you both need to communicate better with each other

Some people take responsibility for their own MH and minimise ts impact on others.

That is how it's supposed to be.

Others don't take any responsibility for it ad expect others to bend to their will to reduce their anxiety.

Unfortunately, as you have seen, it's not always possible to do that or reasonable either.

Developing coping strategies is reasonable. Expecting those coping strategies to include others being a mind reader is not.

I don't like X person so you can't talk to them or tell them anything about me to them

In this example, expecting you to not see the person they dislike is unreasonable but asking you not to tell them anything about them is reasonable.

Expecting someone else to minimise their own life, friendships, relationships etc is a form of control.

Managing your own anxiety trhough controlling others is abusive.

I have really severe anxiety, it doesn't make me act like a dick to people or be verbally aggressive. Nor would I expect a by ball for it if I did.

This doesn't sound like anxiety as much as manipulation to get their own way.

I'm guessing though that the parents constantly appease it so you'd be the bad guy if you didn't pander to her too. I am too long in the tooth to pander to this kind of stuff. I would do my own thing and let her stew in it tbh. I wouldn't have ANYONE tell me who I could spend time with - unless it was something extremely serious like SA that they'd committed against my relative. If they just don't get on with that person then that's just tough.

Maybe tell your parents that giving in to anxious thoughts just makes them worse - google the anxiety cycle. And don't feel that it's your job to make things better for your relative.

BTW the thing about the sibling not being allowed to come home is absolutely appalling and I'm so sorry if that was you.

I have episodes of acute anxiety eg can't get out of bed, can't eat just want to fall asleep and not wake up again - this is usually triggered by some major event (divorce, bereavement). I have never been a dick to anybody when I am like this in fact all I want is to be left alone.

I don't think acting like a dick would be the phrasing I'd choose but my DH has anxiety and panic attacks (diagnosed and medicated) and I'm not sure he realises how it affects the rest of us sometimes. If he is having a bad day he is hyperfocussed on himself and becomes less involved with family life. He needs a lot of reassurance that he is not actively dying. Sometimes he shuts down and needs to go sleep for hours. Plans can be cancelled last minute. If he is having a run of panic attacks he can become pretty insular and hermitted. We married in sickness and health and I love him and he is an excellent DH and father but this relatively recent diagnosis has been a challenge.

My DM and DGM have fairly severe anxiety which they have never sought help for which presents more like the behaviours you are describing. They really struggle with change and anything they don't have control over which can result in some fairly rude behaviour. For example my DM had an operation cancelled that she has been waiting a long time for which has been devasting for her but DGM (who was very anxious about the operation) is delighted that it has been cancelled and that DM can run her to her coffee morning every week now and has been telling DM this continually.

No but I go quiet and aloof, making it look like I'm cold and unfriendly.

People say I do, but I don't see it myself. 😡

Anxiety is much different from arsehole behavior.

Are they like this with their boss?

My son can be like that at times
A bit of Dick @Loikiu

I do the exact opposite and over apologise constantly. It’s pathetic. I feel I’m to blame for everything.
I also believe that anxiety and depression are never an excuse to be rude to people

Is this a parent ?

If you don't mind me asking, did it take you a long time to find a good fit with your meds? I've been through a few and never found anything helped. And then being a hermit becomes sort of a habit iyswim.

Yes my youngest can be rude and snappy with anxiety. But we can tell when she’s got it bad. It’s not fun being in the receiving end but then I know what goes on in her head and it’s a million times worse than my brief annoyance at her being short with us. My girls are the first I’ve ever had to deal with mental health and it’s a learning curve but has made me more aware of what others go through.

I've been on anxiety meds since 2008 and I've never been a dick when anxious. Anxiety is never an excuse to act like a twat.

I can be really snappy in the runup to a panic attack. I hiss tbh. It's hard to describe, but it's like I'm enraged anyone is distracting me from focusing on my surroundings. Like, for the love of god ya gobshite, I'm here watching out for imminent life threatening peril and here you are yammering away at me. So I stay at home. Not recommending this approach btw, but that's how I 'deal' with (IE, not at all).

Well, this isn't anxiety that I recognise tbh. For me I shut down but everyone is different I guess.

I do wonder if your standard narcissistic dick likes to use anxiety as an excuse for bad behaviour though?

I was about to write this exact comment. My family know when I am anxious as I go very quiet, and just ‘zone out’.

I suffer with quite bad anxiety at times but I tend to keep away from people when it is bad. However, I have a family member who does exactly what you are describing. Everyone is walking on eggshells around them and they shout and storm off over things that haven’t even happened. I get the irrationality of anxiety as I have it myself but I do things to try and prevent or control it. I feel this family member only makes a half hearted attempt and seems to have resigned themselves to a lifetime of feeling shit about everything and there is a lot of blame being thrown around. It’s really tedious and makes me not want to see them.

Well done for standing up for yourself! The fact that the behaviour got worse in response to this suggests to me that the key reason for the behaviour is dickheadedness rather than anxiety.

The apology afterwards is controllable.

And the OP says this person never apologises.

No, because I've always seen it as very much my problem to manage, and to put anyone out in any way is just unthinkable - and by that I mean, I just wouldn't even consider it.
However i will say that it depends on your opinion of 'putting someone else out'!
I'm quite happy to sit while people do an activity, eat sides while other people eat mains, go home if people want to go to a club - I don't make a big deal out of it, more a 'that sounds great! I'm going to do xx instead, you guys have fun' - but its other people who will have a problem with that approach!
It wouldn't even cross my mind to (for example) say 'we have to eat at X restaurant not Y, because I'm anxious about not finding anything on the menu at Y' - because it's my problem, not anyone else's, and to put anyone else like that will mean THEY HATE ME and think I'm ANNOYING and (you get the picture)
But then what I will say is that my anxiety manifests in over-planning 'backup plans-, so it is genuinely highly unlikely that I wouldn't be able to come up with a backup plan on the spot. I think if your anxiety doesn't include this 'handy' feature it must be so hard!

I think it's not at all uncommon for anxiety and other mental illnesses to cause people to lash out at others, but that doesn't mean it's OK. One of the reasons I take medication despite being a bit ambivalent about it is that I'm not able to be the mother, partner and friend I want to be without it. Identifying that anxiety is the reason you're behaving badly should be the start of the process of trying to resolve that, not the end of the process where you know why and so everyone else has to accept it.