To ask if you have anxiety, do you act like a dick to people when anxious?!

But some people with Anxiety project it on to the people closest to them, instead of internalising it, and the ones I am talking about, do it in a really nasty way. For example if they don't want to go somewhere or don't want to be in somebody's company they will just make the situation unbearable for others.
Anxiety isn't just crying alone.

Hi.

I suffer from anxiety and if it's bad the last thing I am is demanding or awkward, I want to hide away from human or social contact or if it's unavoidable fade into the background as much as I can and to avoid as much attention as is feasible. I'd say sometimes I'm trying to do the Swan on a Pond looking calm but peddling like mad underneath.

I know someone who has recently been diagnosed with ASD who acts like that though? Maybe their diagnosis needs changing.
It's funny though as before she was diagnosed she was quite aware of her behaviour when it went "over the line". Now she has a label she seems happier to be rude without apology, so there may be something in that.

Many anxious people become defensive when triggered, and that can easily translate into 'attack'. You're talking about one response to to anxiety; there are many.

I have anxiety but I think I am the opposite of your post - I would rather curl up into a ball and hide than offend someone, double guess what I've said to people and ruminate on things if I suspect it was taken badly.

I am not convinced that your family member has anxiety, personally.

I'd just cut them out. Who's got time and headspace for this bollocks?

Anxiety is crippling… I doubt someone feeling anxious would ‘have a go’… they’d be more likely to run and hide and cry somewhere surely?!
Sounds more like a spoilt child using this to get their own way

@C1N1C

Do you think that you should put up with abuse, then, as long as it's not intentional?

Take your own advice and fuck off tom. A certain level of anxiety as a response to particular situations is of course normal. Anxiety as a condition is debilitating and shit. You cannot compare the two. As to expecting others to change their behaviour, no, that cannot be an expectation. A bit of understanding would be nice. But 'entitled behaviour' for a diagnosed medical condition?

As a person who has suffered with anxiety all of my adult life (especially social anxiety and health anxiety) it’s really sad to read here that some posters are putting up with shitty, rude and borderline abusive behaviour from friends and family members because anxiety has been used as an excuse. 😕

I expect my anxiety makes me difficult to live with at times because it can cause me to go completely into myself, retreat from others and avoid conversation/hugs etc. It can also cause me to be a bit short with people- if this happens, I always apologise almost immediately and say ‘This is not you, it’s me, I’m anxious. Sorry for snapping at you’.

Some of the behaviour people are putting up with as described on this thread should not be blamed on anxiety IMO. I’d be mortified if my MH condition was causing me to be so unkind to the people I love.

Some people with anxiety are also just dicks.
Mental Health issues are not an excuse to treat other people terribly.
I have quite bad anxiety, and like a PP I would feel even more anxious thinking I'd upset or annoyed someone else with my behaviour when I'm in a anxiety spiral.
I'm sure I probably do annoy people sometimes but a lot of my anxiety symptoms predominantly affect me (picking my skin, trouble sleeping etc).
I definitely have a shorter fuse when I'm anxious but I would apologise and feel really bad if I had snapped at someone because of it.

Anxiety is normal
Expecting everyone else to modify their behaviour to make you feel better is not.
You have to take responsibility for your own emotions and behaviour. Unfortunately, I think it’s becoming more common. Entitled behaviour!

My sister went through a bad bout of anxiety before she moved away and it was really really hard to deal with. Our boys are the same age and best friends so we saw a lot of each other, they also attended the same school.
She would shout at me in public and sometimes in the school playground in front of other parents and she also just wouldn't listen to me at all when she was off on one of her moods. One time while out at a farm park I asked her to look after the boys while I nipped to the toilet and she said yes but turns out she wasn't listening to what she was saying yes to and I came back and she started screaming at me in front of the whole park about leaving her and how she didn't know where I was and then demanded that we leave. We had come in her car so I had no choice and the kids were really upset. Never any apology really, just a big, long-winded explanation about why she's like that while I sat there listening to her go in detail about why she just treated me like a child and humiliated me.
She went mad in the library once because she couldn't print something out that she needed and some of my work colleauges were there. I nearly died.

It can really affect everyone around the person and until she moved away, I didn't realise how nervous and on edge it made me feel. It was actually nice to start doing things with other people and not have to worry about what sort of mood they would be in.

Anyway, you have to remember that yes, this person has anxiety but that doesn't make them more important than you and you have a right to set boundaries and make sure you are looking afteyourself and your family too. You don't hve to put yourself out just because htey are unwell. You are not their therapist.

This was a colleague of mine. She is a sensitive person and can be sweet but also doesn’t have a filter and is honest - and that is without anxiety. She suffers with depression and anxiety to the point where she is on medication. She once had an argument with a client because of her “anxiety” - they couldn’t agree on the same thing but she was in the wrong for turning it into an argument as the client was pretty calm.

It’s crazy how much it takes over.

Please stop using hormones as an excuse for an abusive person
it's more of a learning curve around what I can and can't say, and when. this is not. healthy relationship

@hayless @Kelly51 It's all hormone/med-based. We had a honeymoon and her meds weren't on point at that time and I was literally afraid to say anything the whole time. We actually went into a pharmacy with one of those blood pressure machines and I was at about 160 just from the stress.

Then she made adjustments to her (thyroid) meds and she's calmed down quite a bit, but yeah, the above is where I am now. I'm quite easy going so can brush off a lot of the snappiness, but it's more of a learning curve around what I can and can't say, and when. I don't have a temper (more of a rational talker), I've never even raised my voice. Her last relationship was all shouting and arguments because (I suspect), he fought back. I think I hold on to the person she can be when her meds are on point as that's who I genuinely believe she can be. So I don't think it's 'intentional' abuse. Hormones heightens the stress, the stress results in anxiety, and the anxiety leads to either aggression or the opposite, depression.

As for her friends, she is good at faking being social. She's a bit of an introvert (like me). Some know about her imbalances, but to the best of my knowledge are only really aware of her depression and (rarely) suicidal tendencies... both hormone-based. I don't think they've seen the snappiness. I think it's like being out with relatives - for those few hours, you can be whatever image you want!

@C1N1C
I'm not sure that's all anxiety, she sounds very abusive and controlling

@C1N1C Do you ever snap back at her? Do you tell her that you are not her punchbag? Do you ask her why her friends get to see her sunny side, while you're subjected to all this anger and spite?

It sounds like you have Stockholm Syndrome.

I have a close family relative who behaves like a dick when anxious.

My Dad is like this. You would have no idea what might set him off and it wasn't consistent. Something that would have been fine one day would set him off the next.
He doesn't have anxiety, he's just a selfish, bad tempered twat.

This is my wife in a nutshell.

I love her, but due to hormonal imbalances, she can be very very (exhaustingly) difficult (stress/anxiety...). Day to day, she's ok, and with her friends, she puts on a facade, but if there's the slightest bit of stress or anxiety, I'm a punching bag.

A great example are holidays, and I've said this to her... She loves them, I love them, but the JOURNEY is a nightmare. I try my best to literally avoid her until we are actually at the destination, as the travel to the airport, checking in, passport control, the stress of the flight, and all the travel at the destination before we get to the hotel makes her insanely anxious, and even asking whether she's hungry will result in being snapped at.
I've posted on MN before about how we used to go on literally a city break a month, and maybe the odd long-haul trip too, but we've cut right down. She asks me to book holidays, or make suggestions, and she has occasionally even resorted to 'spite holidays' with friends without me because I've just lost all motivation to go. I'm not going to stop her going alone, a bit of an escape is actually nice... of course I'd never say this to her.

Dinner is another one. I do the shopping and cooking. I ask around midday whether she'll be ready at 5 for dinner. I then ask again around say 4 to check, and start preparing. Things like stir-fry, you can't really reheat or 'pause'. It's ready at 5, so I'll say it's ready and I'll just get snapped at "Yes, I'm working!". If I then eat on my own, it's passive aggressive, but if I wait to start cooking until she's done, or don't remind her that it's 5, it could get to 7 pm and then I'm snapped at because it's going to be another half hour until it's done or that it's too late to eat...

It's any stress, any anxiety. People will hate me for saying this, but it's like I live by a keeper's manual... don't ask her anything before midday, don't ask what she wants for dinner, if we travel, make sure there are snacks in the car, if there's traffic-keep a low profile. My brain has a filter on it now, almost rehearsing 20 ways to say something in my head from experience of all the times an innocent comment has been attacked.

This is the discharge note from when my Mother discharged herself from hospital against medical advice, despite having a pulmonary embolism and acute kidney injury, because anxiety.

Incidentally, this took place on the day my 2nd baby was due.

She died two months later.

Yes, all of this. I am an anxious sort in general and I imagine it can make me not the most relaxing company sometimes. But I work very very hard at using strategies to manage it to minimise the impact on others.
I certainly do not expect people to walk on eggshells around me or help me manage my anxiety- that’s for me to sort out. Although actually my DH is a kind person so will often help me by offering a big warm hug or some sensible advice if he can see I’m struggling.

But no, anxiety (and other MH conditions) are not a reason to be rude, selfish or difficult.

@nothingcomestonothing "my DC will roll their eyes and carry on scrolling YouTube and eating Burger King"

"My anxiety is mine"

I love this - it made me laugh. It's exactly how my kids are. Amusing them with my quirks helps me to laugh at myself 😁

I have been diagnosed with GAD for years. It's exhausting to live with but I think I can say hand on heart, I have never been bad tempered with it. I often think I try to control things to accommodate it but not to the detriment of other people's needs or feelings.