To ask if you have anxiety, do you act like a dick to people when anxious?!

go Low contact… I’ve had to distance myself from people at times for my own MH! Don’t let this person make you ill

No I don’t act like that but I do get a bit fed up with people constantly talking about their illnesses and the illnesses of everyone they’ve ever known. It’s a huge trigger for me.

The problem I have is that my anxiety makes me paranoid - that people are talking about me, laughing at me, staring at me ect ALL THE TIME and this just makes me angry and quite inclined to kick off though thankfully I never did.
God people would have though I was mad if I came out with all the nonsense my brain was feeding me and part of me sort of knew it.
Things have been a lot better since I started the meds though.

OP there is no excuse not to apologise.
Anyone who is in an anxious state, yes even panic attacks, are aware of what they are doing - in fact this acute awareness can make the panic even worse. I have been snappy and paranoid when under extreme pressure when anxious but if I have been, as I said previously, my anxiety will cause me to over think that exchange and I would apologise. If this is a repeated behaviour and they have never apologised for being rude, derogatory or spiteful you need to pull them up. Being snappy in extreme circs is one thing, personally attacking another then blaming a panic attack or anxiety rather than apologising is another.

Whenever my anxiety starts to get the better of me, I withdraw, become very small - emotionally and mentally, even if not physically. The last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself by kicking off.

Totally agree. Problem is the word “worry” has been replaced by anxiety. Worrying about exams, boyfriends, looks, etc has now become all defined as anxiety and it with the rise in self diagnosis of everything means everyone you meet nowadays tells you they have anxiety.

It worries me that people with genuine anxiety are subsequently not taken seriously because of the overuse of the word.

@DanielGault

What an unpleasant comment. There's really no need. You disagreed with my point, then made it again. I pointed it out.

I'm sorry you received it so badly that you needed to throw out an insult. Says a lot.

There's no need to be bitchy. I was relating my own experience. Christ almighty 🙄

I agree with most of what you say here, but there are times when you do actually lose control

Yes, I am aware, @DanielGault Not sure why you're trying to educate me on this. It's as if you think you're the only person with any experience of anxiety or trauma. You're disagreeing with me and then making the same point I did. It's harder for people with anxiety to maintain control.

My point is about more than the person suffering from anxiety, and applies to those in OP's position, too: maintain your own boundaries.

But there's still an irrational thought process that could be challenged even if they ARE judging you - the irrational thought process is that this is a real danger to you, matters in some profound way. My anxiety was on focused on making mistakes, mostly at work - I can't learn not to make mistakes ever but I have, with therapy (very much supported by medication), learned that they don't define me as a person. And in that regard every time I made a mistake and the world didn't collapse around me that 'exposure' was helpful.

Yes, but it was a specific question which you're skirting round: do you think you (or anyone) should put up with abuse if it's unintentional?

I don't disagree with the exposure bit, after all, otherwise one becomes a hermit (case in point here!) But as you say it's so irrational and unpredictable that it sort of undermines you before you get out the front door. It's all about the small steps I suppose.

Yes they say avoidance reinforces anxiety but the anxiety is irrational so exposure doesn’t diminish it.

I guess if I had a phobia of rats or something I could learn that being in the same room as a (hopefully caged) rat won’t kill me but I have social phobia and there’s no way of proving to yourself that other people aren’t judging you (particularly when they ARE judging you lol). Really the only thing that worker for me was medication.

That said I did once start to have OCD like thoughts, like I couldn’t leave the flat in case I left the gas on (having checked it was off several times). I had to grit my teeth and ignore that because I had to go work and eventually it did stop.

I'm genuinely like a cartoon character with my eyes darting from side to side. In the most non threatening of situations. It's really destroyed me from what I was, I know it's not irretrievable but when I look at what I could do 10 years ago compared to now, it's pretty depressing. I do need to put some hard yards in myself though. If I don't try, I'll never succeed.

That's the 'beauty' of it isn't it, if you avoid the situations, the anxiety will get worse but often if you put yourself in them in doesn't end well!

Yeah that’s how it is for me to. Some poor soul will be interacting with me in a perfectly fine and normal way and I just want to almost literally scream with frustration/fear because they’re distracting me from Constant Vigilance. I don’t scream obviously but do tend to be a bit short which probably comes across as rude.

Anxiety can cause people to become irritable and impatient. I know it’s not ideal but I guess a lot of mental illnesses cause people to behave in mays that could be perceived as difficult so it’s tricky if you’re on the receiving end of it.

That said you have to work with the person. I smiled when I read pp account of her husband and working on strategies. I’m dragged by the scruff of my beck into situations I’ve said time and time again I can’t cope with and surprise surprise I don’t do that well.

I have anxiety and I have acted like a dick about it yeah... or come across as controlling.
I do try my best and I do apologise but sometimes you really can't help acting like a dick because you've been massively triggered.
Obviously you can't go around being shit to people... but it's true that having anxiety can sometimes cause people to act like a twat.
I'd be looking at how they communicate and what steps they are taking to deal with it, when judging if I want to continue any connection to this person.
Are they suggesting having anxiety gives them carte blanche to act however they want any time and never having to address that?
Or have they apologised or tried to explain or tried to take steps to address the issue?

Mmm. My parent enjoys making 'humorous' comments and jokes about their behaviour too. Sometimes they buy their partner 'jokey' birthday cards that reference the behaviour.

My parent also views their behaviour as 'quirky'. Of course, they're really quite unique. Special. They're just more sensitive, more creative than everyone else. They feel things much more deeply. Life is just very hard for them. Too hard to work, or cook food or clean the house.

Not like the rest of us, who are viewed as cardboard-cut-outs. Grey drones here to serve. Servile punching bags, if you like.

Well, under balanced thyroid meds it reduces significantly. She'll joke about it like it's one of her quirks "in sickness and hell" as she puts it. I just try to ignore those moments.

I agree with most of what you say here, but there are times when you do actually lose control. I remember my first panic attack, I just couldn't look at my computer screen. I could look for a couple of seconds and then I'd have to look away. I genuinely couldn't sit still. It was a physical thing. I thought I was having a heart attack. I wouldn't think that now having been through it before, but I do still get the physical symptoms from time to time. I just don't call an ambulance now.

When I first met my now husband I noticed that his behaviour changed when we were in a crowded place or certain new situations. He would become quiet , appear moody and clearly need to escape when we were previously having a great time. The first time this happened I waited until we were calmly away and asked what had happened. He explained his anxiety in particular environments and apologised for his behaviour change. We then discussed what would be best when he felt that way and he now quietly tells me when he struggling and he either leaves and waits at another location or we leave together if possible.

Basically , you can be diagnosed with anxiety and not be a dick. You have to be prepared to own up and work on strategies. The person the op describes sounds unreasonable.

I think I said it above somewhere, but it's sometimes just 'losing your shit' because you're so uncomfortable/ terrified. It's not rational, and it's certainly not fair on those around you, but it's a sort of 'get me out of this situation now' thing. It's absolute panic. But it absolutely must be shit to live with it (me).

I think there's a difference between feeling anxiety, and acting upon it. We can all choose how to act. If not, we are not responsible adults.

But if you suffer from anxiety, it's much more of a challenge to control how you act, and it's easier for it to accidentally slip into being unreasonable or unfavourable.

Some sympathy is appropriate for those suffering for anxiety, but recipients of their loss of control must maintain their own boundaries: nobody needs to accept behaviour they're not comfortable to accept, unless they are legally responsible for the person exhibiting the behaviour.