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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think they should have apologised for wrongly accusing me of shoplifting?

168 replies

Tyzbiscuit · 16/04/2024 18:24

I was in a well known supermarket today with DP picking up a few things for dinner. I scanned my shopping at the self checkout, paid and printed the receipt (all while being watched by a member of staff standing right behind me.)

There wasn’t much room and we had 2 bags so DP packed one on the paid for side and I packed another nearer the scanner. As I put one of the items in the bag, it must have scanned on the scanner again without me noticing.

As we were walking away, the member of staff started shouting ‘excuse me!’. I stopped and turned to see him staring at me accusingly and pointing at the self service screen. I asked what he meant and he said I had to pay for the item and shouted the price loudly across to me. Everyone was staring at this point, it was embarrassing. I explained I’d paid and didn’t owe anything and showed my receipt with the item on it. He still just stood there until his supervisor (I assume) came over and told him it was fine and that ‘this happens sometimes’. There was no apology from either of them. As I turned around I heard the supervisor telling the staff member ‘well done for checking’ and it honestly gave me the rage. Why is it ‘well done’ to wrongly someone of shoplifting and then not apologise?

It’s left me with a horrible feeling and I feel judged as someone who would go around stealing. I think that bar codes should be deactivated once the item has been paid for to avoid this sort of thing happening. I feel like raising this with the supermarket because I am still angry.

OP posts:
Aswellisnotoneword · 16/04/2024 20:27

I doubt he was watching you the whole time, and it seems unlikely that you were watching HIM the whole time to be able to say either way.

I'd put this down to a young, probably inexperienced person quite stressed at the thought of having to challenge two people, he's probably used to copping all sorts of abuse for it. Maybe he has anxiety too. So his delivery wasn't perfect, I'm sure he was also embarrassed and has since reflected on that. You want empathy for your feelings, try showing some?

At the end of the day it was your mistake, if anything you were the one who should have apologised.

CormorantStrikesBack · 16/04/2024 20:24

Tyzbiscuit · 16/04/2024 20:14

The thing is, I’ve seen shoplifters in action and it’s so fast. One quickly put items in a bag and ran. Another passed a load of clothes around the security scanner to someone else waiting on the other side of the door. Most of these organised criminal gangs are not faffing about trying to pack things at the self checkout…

That’s the visible side of shoplifting but the majority is probably people trying to sneak the odd thing in while paying for the rest. It’s a shame as everyone is viewed with suspicion.

I got stopped coming out of Victoria secret the other week as the alarm went off. I stopped and waited and the sales assistant went through my bag in front of everyone. And then decided it was the period pants as apparently they often don’t deactivate properly. I think people seeing this would hopefully assume it’s an errant tag rather than that I’m a thief. It didn’t bother me.

exomoon · 16/04/2024 20:19

Tyzbiscuit · 16/04/2024 20:14

The thing is, I’ve seen shoplifters in action and it’s so fast. One quickly put items in a bag and ran. Another passed a load of clothes around the security scanner to someone else waiting on the other side of the door. Most of these organised criminal gangs are not faffing about trying to pack things at the self checkout…

Shop lifting happens in multiple ways. I’ve seen people casually and slowly scan their items and then pretend to use their contactless and stroll out.

Tyzbiscuit · 16/04/2024 20:14

The thing is, I’ve seen shoplifters in action and it’s so fast. One quickly put items in a bag and ran. Another passed a load of clothes around the security scanner to someone else waiting on the other side of the door. Most of these organised criminal gangs are not faffing about trying to pack things at the self checkout…

OP posts:
SunsetFire · 16/04/2024 20:13

*member

PollySolo · 16/04/2024 20:13

SchoolQuestionnaire · 16/04/2024 19:19

The member of staff was clearly a bit overzealous but you’re taking this very personally when it really isn’t about you. I doubt supermarket staff on minimum wage want to be challenging potential thieves, it’s a difficult part of the job which I assume is why the manager praised him. He could have been more discrete and polite but he made an inadvertent mistake just as you did. Nobody will have paid it any mind, I really wouldn’t worry about this any more.

This, pretty much. You really need to work on your anxiety if it makes you take a minor thing like this so much to heart.

SunsetFire · 16/04/2024 20:13

Omg this happened to me in M&S and the staff never ran up the street shouting at me, I was like ... What??!??!

AnxiousRabbit · 16/04/2024 20:10

OP can't know he was constantly watching or saw what happened as he was behind her and she was scanning and packing.
He presumably had multiple service points to monitor and also had an obscured view.

GrazingSheep · 16/04/2024 20:09

If you look at shoplifting figures you will see that they rose by 32% in the 12 months to September 2023.
That is a colossal increase. There are organised criminal gangs who are involved. It’s a massive problem for retailers.

90yomakeuproom · 16/04/2024 20:06

Just let it go...

DragonGypsyDoris · 16/04/2024 20:02

"I think that bar codes should be deactivated once the item has been paid for to avoid this sort of thing happening" isn't how bar codes work in supermarkets. Some shops such as Decathlon have smart chips though.

OutsideLookingOut · 16/04/2024 20:00

YANBU but the fact so many people excuse this poor behaviour explains the woeful service we have in the UK. Treat people with dignity kindness and respect - staff and customers alike.

StarbucksQueen1 · 16/04/2024 19:58

You scanned it so it was your fault! Why would they apologise?!

Tyzbiscuit · 16/04/2024 19:56

Thanks to those that have been kind. I agree that it should have been dealt with better. I wouldn’t have had any issue if he’d said what @CRE2024 suggested. I was just shocked and a bit panicked because I felt like I was being accused.

I think I’ll avoid this shop in future and avoid using self service. It’s not worth the hassle if something goes wrong. It’s a shame we live in a society where everyone is suspicious of others.

OP posts:
BruFord · 16/04/2024 19:52

CRE2024 · 16/04/2024 19:42

Honestly basic people skill and manners from both sides. It could have just gone like this:

Him: Excuse me there is an unpaid item on this machine, can I please just check your receipt?

You: Sure, I don't know how that happened!

Checks shopping.

Supervisor: Yes it happens all the time, you've just accidentally scanned something as you were packing. Thank you so much for your patience and sorry for having to call you back.

You: No problem, and sorry, I should have checked the machine before I left.

Everyone: Bye

OR insist on using an actual checkout human.

I agree, @CRE2024 , the staff member was technically doing their job, but they need some additional training on customer service.

fatphalange · 16/04/2024 19:49

Yabu. Sorry about your anxiety problems though. I'd put your reaction down to anxiety and try to move on from it.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 16/04/2024 19:48

Complete non issue. He was just doing his job.

Soontobe60 · 16/04/2024 19:47

I’ve yet to use a self checkout where you can continue scanning if you’ve not put the previous item on the packing side. By putting the shopping into bags on 2 sides you could very easily have been shoplifting.

Londonrach1 · 16/04/2024 19:45

Yabu. Staff member doing their job. No issue.

GrazingSheep · 16/04/2024 19:45

I also have anxiety problems, so things like this make me worry and I think about it long after. I just feel sad because I don’t often feel like going out but I decided to go on a walk to the shop with DP and instead this happened and made me feel worse.

Maybe consider using this as a catalyst to deal with your anxiety so rather than an incident like this making you sad and thinking about if for a long time afterwards, you can just put it out of your mind straight away.

OceanicBoundlessness · 16/04/2024 19:44

Sounds like it could have been handled better.

I don't use those things because I don't like them and the more we use them, the less choice we'll have.

CRE2024 · 16/04/2024 19:42

Honestly basic people skill and manners from both sides. It could have just gone like this:

Him: Excuse me there is an unpaid item on this machine, can I please just check your receipt?

You: Sure, I don't know how that happened!

Checks shopping.

Supervisor: Yes it happens all the time, you've just accidentally scanned something as you were packing. Thank you so much for your patience and sorry for having to call you back.

You: No problem, and sorry, I should have checked the machine before I left.

Everyone: Bye

OR insist on using an actual checkout human.

myheadisaterribleplace · 16/04/2024 19:37

OP, I'm sorry that this happened to you. As someone who also has anxiety, I would be feeling the same way that you are. Your feelings are valid. Please don't let anyone make you feel like yabu. X

exomoon · 16/04/2024 19:34

You’re being too sensitive.

Tesco check my receipt every time I buy clothes, I’m not offended, I’m glad they check and catch would be thieves.

You did scan something by mistake. The responsible thing would have been to flag it to staff so they could cancel the transaction.

Staff have explained to me how annoying it is when customers leave scanned items on the till, because the staff have no way of knowing if the customer has stolen the item or not.

You messed up, not the supermarket.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 16/04/2024 19:32

You scanned an item by mistake and walked off. How were they to know that you hadn’t picked up a last minute item, and not paid? Just accept you made a mistake and move on.

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