To think they should have apologised for wrongly accusing me of shoplifting?

We didlike these machines but are seriously careful and double check item is showing on screen as paid

To avoid 'error' messages we just scan an item and place it on the weighing tray - we often have 30-40 quids worth of items and when the last item is put through and until we paid and the machine states its accept our payment and we have the receipt, only then do we start putting the items into the bag

IMO, the shop staff were only doing their job and take a tip from me - do as we do and you will be ok

I’m with you OP, obviously they need to do their job but could have been more discreet and it wouldn’t have hurt to apologise .

My son (then aged 12) was (wrongly) of shoplifting in our local ASDA so I understand how stressful and awful it can be.

He bought a phone charger and paid for it at self-checkout without getting a bag and pressed no for receipt. Then he went bag round to buy some sweets whilst holding the charger. Admittedly it looked suspicious and the security guard questioned him when he left but let it go.

However 2 weeks later we both go back to our local store (where we visit almost daily anyway) and same security guard accosts us when we leave and then shows me the footage of my son ‘shoplifting’ - at the front entrance. My son (also ASD) tries to explain what happen, before going into meltdown, guard gets angrier and angrier. I’m in tears trying to get the truth from my son and begging him to check the earlier CCTV. The other guards have to step in to calm this guy down. We eventually leave and 20 mins I get phone call from store manager, they’ve checked the footage and my son didn’t steal the charger.

We did get an apology and a £20 voucher, my son was anxious for months after that though.

@Doratheexplorer1 mothers storing things in prams and then “forgetting to pay” is an absolutely notorious shoplifting trick, has been for years now.

Supermarkets have become quite unfriendly places to shop now. Ours have put up all these gates to go in and out like they had 30+ years ago. Tesco even has a display in front of the one exit gate now so if they don't have what I want I need to walk out through the self service.

If it’s any consolation I was followed around my local Waitrose and the security guard radioed the till staff to ‘make sure’ I had paid for everything on the self service till. I had something resting on the pram - baby was only a few weeks old - the staff member even touched the pram. (I think I shot her a filthy look because she recoiled quite quickly) At that point like you I had barely been out as the birth had left me a bit traumatised and the whole thing made me angry. They’re too over zealous these shop workers. I must have looked enough like sh*t that day that i resembled whatever they deem a shoplifter looks like. Sad really. I didn’t go out much again after that. People are worse after Covid. I know everyone says this but I do really believe people are more aggressive, more rude and just generally not as pleasant.

People may not agree but I’m sorry they upset you. You’re just a person going about your daily life. They didn’t need to shout and humiliate you.

If the scanners were designed better so you could pack as you go, rather than having to use the scales, things would be much easier.

Yes, they do make it difficult. Even with a bag for life I have to take items out to rearrange things so they fit and don't squash for the walk home. It doesn't like repacking. Or if the bag is resting against anything affecting the weight. Very fussy.

Absolutely. The worst thing to do is try to avoid something that made you feel a bit unsettled or panicked. Your world will become increasingly small if you avoid anything that might make you feel anxious x

Oh, where there is a tiny packing area I might put my bag on the scanning bit to pack it as the shopping is on the packing area. So I could maybe accidentally scan something again.

That's the sales assistant job to check if everyone is paying for goods at the self. scan. He saw a transaction on the screen and a customer walking away so as far as he was aware the customer hadn't paid for the goods. If he hadn't of asked you about it, he would've got into trouble for not checking. The stealing from self scan is shocking so they have to check.

I usually scan everything, pay then pack. The packing area doesn't accept my backpack as a bag when I've tried to put it down first.

Deactivate the barcode 😂😂

Working in retail is so difficult, the customer thinks they are always right, constant criticism when staff members like this are just doing their jobs, shoplifting is rife and the amount of times you are threatened to have your face smashed in or you are screamed at shouted at.

There was an outstanding item at the self serve, he called you back. The issue was sorted. Most people nowadays have anxiety and are perpetually offended. You should be glad the worker was on guard to notice, the amount of shoplifting increases the prices for everyone.

What's the worst thing that can happen if you do see them again? They'll likely have completely forgotten about it. They see hundreds of faces every day. And if they remember, they may well feel a bit embarrassed that they made a mistake.

Glad your dp has made you feel better. Sometimes it doesn’t help to have a partner revving up a situation by getting angry but I guess he felt protective?

I always think it helps like @CRE2024 says, to laugh about things like this. It’s a bit ridiculous if it was all over a mis scanned tin of beans or whatever!
Life can feel a bit absurd sometimes.

What did your partner think? Was he angry with the cashier as well, or was he trying to reassure you that it was a mistake?

It definitely helps to talk things through with a partner if you’re worried you’re getting in a spin over something.

I think you SHOULD go back to this shop and I think you SHOULD use the self-service (even though I disapprove of them in general. Anxiety feeds on avoidance. The more you avoid doing ordinary things the more anxious you will become.

You've already been accused of shoplifting and lived to tell the tale so what's the worst that could happen? I go to my local Morrisons every other day. I'd say every third time I go I set off the alarms and the security guard has a look at my receipt and checks my shopping. We have a laugh about it. Because I know I haven't stolen anything and he's just doing his job.

The exact same thing happened to me. I went back and we sorted it out. I didn't mind them doing their job. I spoke to them respectfully and they responded similarly. I acknowledge that retailers do need to protect themselves from theft. I didn't feel embarrassed because mistakes happen. I didn't feel the need to write a letter of complaint because I think they should be allowed to stop suspected thieves. I really think the whole world needs to stop feeling so offended and affronted all the time.

Mistakes happen all the time op. There’s really no need to avoid those tills or feel too ashamed to return to the shop.

I didn’t scan an item and when it was picked up I was taken to a separate till and all my bags emptied and re checked.
It was a nuisance to be treated with suspicion and made me late for work but it’s just policy the cashiers have to follow.

Its a really shit job so maybe assume the guy was having a bad day, was a bit stressed or whatever and didn’t handle it too well?

Sorry you’re having a bad time with your anxiety though- be kind to yourself and try not to dwell on this

Because they were standing right by the OP watching her - and saw her NOT walk away to pick up a last minute item.

If the scanners were designed better so you could pack as you go, rather than having to use the scales, things would be much easier.

An apology would have been appropriate but I don't think you can complain about not getting one.

The manager was reassuring the employee. They don't know about your anxiety. You don't know about their issues and possible anxieties.

A difficulty I'm having at work at the moment is that almost any imperfect interaction leads to accusations of triggering someone's anxiety or trauma. This comes out of the blue in many cases. It feels as if there is no room for anyone to be less than perfect, and stress levels go up all around.

I don't have a solution to this because I absolutely believe you about the anxiety and distress you experienced. But I think we all need to go a bit easier on each other or we will drive ourselves mad. Both "sides" could have expected an apology in this case. Would it actually make you feel any better to have one at this point, or could you chalk this up to (imperfect) experience?

Come on this was a non event.

I’ve seen customers stopped in shops when a staff member wants to query something, I’ve had all my bags checked numerous times on the shop and scan tills in Tescos, I’ve been stopped at the door because a missed security tag set off the alarm, with a loud EXCUSE ME

It’s all very common place. Honestly all the other customers were not looking over and thinking you were shop lifting!

This is definitely not worth getting so angry and upset over. The supervisor sounded very reasonable and assured you it was fine.

So old and maybe inexperienced then! And stressed and nervous about this particular part of the job because it's shit and everyone gets their back up about it. All for minimum wage, I'm sure if he was a flawless professional communicator in all situations he might have found himself a more pleasant job.

I'm not making excuses though. I'm trying to point out that you made a mistake and are happy to brush over that while hyper focussing on his.