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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

563 replies

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

OP posts:
GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 16/04/2024 23:27

Amberjane41 · 16/04/2024 23:26

surprised you even have any friends. You sound like an arsehole YABU

Blimey, you're nice 🙄😁

Amberjane41 · 16/04/2024 23:26

surprised you even have any friends. You sound like an arsehole YABU

Backmarks · 16/04/2024 23:25

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 17:42

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it and then give her your answer

If I was in your shoes and they asked me - I'd be honoured and then politely tell them, "thank you for your kind offer but I can't..."

Honestly, it is really as simple as that

It is a massive decision OP
Think about it, sleep on it. Then think about it and sleep on it

🤣🤣🤣

Seriously??! A massive decision? Think about it and sleep on it, then think about it and sleep on it again? 😅

NoWayRose · 16/04/2024 23:25

This is how friendship works, isn’t it … friend makes suggestion of plans, you say if you’re up for it or not. I love the occasional weekend away with mates, but even if you don’t fancy it, it’s still nice she thought of you

echt · 16/04/2024 23:23

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

You swan off without them for long haul holidays so evidently your family is of varying significance. Why wouldn't your friend assume it was worth a punt?

Tetchypants · 16/04/2024 23:21

Ski4130 · 16/04/2024 23:09

So you’ll go on a 2 week long haul holiday without your kids each year, but you think a 3 day BH trip is unreasonable?!

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Yes. It’s fine to be thousands of miles away having fun in the sun with no quick way of getting back in case they need you. But it is most definitely not ok to miss a rainy Monday at home in case they need you.

I’m not judging you on your two week jollies OP, indeed I’m quite envious, but surely you can see how batshit this sounds?

RogueFemale · 16/04/2024 23:21

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

No, it isn't selfish of her to ask. If you don't want to go, then fair enough, but I find it odd how judge-y you are about her daring to ask.

penjil · 16/04/2024 23:12

OP, I think in a few years you are going to be suffering from empty nest syndrome.

Cut the apron strings a little bit!

Your children can do without you for 3 days, and you can do without them.

A bit of healthy space can be a good thing.

theduchessofspork · 16/04/2024 23:12

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:17

@whatsitcalledwhen I don't know ! It just doesn't sit right with me that it's a bank holiday weekend. It just feels selfish. But from what everyone is saying, it's not selfish at all.

Well then it doesn’t suit you so don’t go.

But lots of people wouldn’t feel that, so of course it’s not ‘out of order’ for your friend to ask.

You are being v v weird about this OP. Why on earth would you be annoyed with her.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 23:11

Nanof8 · 16/04/2024 23:09

I would be jumping on that. I figure if my hubby can go on a hunting trip for 3-5 days then I can go on a girls weekend.

Even if he didn't go on hunting trips I'd go as I'm a SAHM and never go anywhere on my own anymore.

Yep!

'Errr, no - I better not go on the 3-day lads trip my mates have invited me on, as my wife and kids may need me, and it's not fair on them for me to go.'

Said NO MAN EVER.

VJBR · 16/04/2024 23:10

Jesus what a fuss over nothing.

Nanof8 · 16/04/2024 23:09

I would be jumping on that. I figure if my hubby can go on a hunting trip for 3-5 days then I can go on a girls weekend.

Even if he didn't go on hunting trips I'd go as I'm a SAHM and never go anywhere on my own anymore.

Ski4130 · 16/04/2024 23:09

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 18:11

I'm not a martyr, all of them can cope without me. There is no SEN or safe guarding issues. Partner is a great dad. Me and partner both have separate 2 week holidays every year with own friends, we each go long haul.

It just doesn't sit right with me to swan off on a bank holiday weekend. Any other weekend would be fine, but there is something about it being a bank holiday, imo.

Edited

So you’ll go on a 2 week long haul holiday without your kids each year, but you think a 3 day BH trip is unreasonable?!

theduchessofspork · 16/04/2024 23:08

It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask (your kids are quite big) and perfectly reasonable for you to say yes or no.

Dullardmullard · 16/04/2024 23:06

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:36

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Misses the point totally but can i go instead

kids and husband won’t give a shit they’ll love it that mum is off on a jolly so have interesting tales to tell. It’s healthy for all I say.

Saladcreamdreams · 16/04/2024 23:02

Why can't you swan off and leave them for a couple of days ?
I would be packing my case now given half the chance 😅

therubbleoroursins · 16/04/2024 23:00

It may not be intended, but you're definitely giving off vibes of "I'm better than you."

By your own admission, you can spend time away from your partner and kids, you're just choosing not to. Which is fine, but don't put this on her. She asked if you wanted to spend time with her because she likes you. She didn't put you under any pressure. Instead, you've gone on this weird diatribe that anyone with a partner and kids cannot possibly leave them on a bank holiday weekend.

You're not wrong to go, but if you don't like your friend, maybe you can tell her or start ghosting the friendship as she clearly is closer to you than you are to her. It feels like you're judging her for having childfree time, and that's not what friends do.

Scrunshine · 16/04/2024 22:57

Everyone is different. I would hate to be away from my kids for 2 weeks straight. But a 2 night break every now and then? Yes please! Especially if I went for the Saturday Sunday and still saw them Monday afternoon- that’s better than a normal weekend

JanglingJack · 16/04/2024 22:54

bostonchamps · 16/04/2024 22:42

DH is off on a boys weekend for May Day; should I LTB for not understanding it is a sacred holy family weekend?

(I'm bloody excited about having a BH to myself to do whatever the fuck I want)

I'd LTB forever 😂

Every day is bliss when single. Although sometimes I have to create a fight with myself to feel like others do.

Stop leaving that fucking cupboard door open!! How many times have I told myself??!!!!

JanglingJack · 16/04/2024 22:51

15 pages, my apologies.

HummingbirdChandelier · 16/04/2024 22:50

go! Have fun! YABU

JanglingJack · 16/04/2024 22:49

Bigbusheyeyebrows · 16/04/2024 17:44

It's nice of her to ask me but surely she realises that I have family at home and cannot just swan off and leave them to it for 3 days, especially on a bank holiday.

They would of course all be fine without me and I can go if I want. no worries there. It just feels a bit off for me to go and quite selfish tbh.

Don't go then.

I haven't bothered reading 20 odd pages, but like those, you sound a bit odd.

Are you jealous that her children are older? Are you jealous that she can just hand them to dad and Swan off?
You can too.

Very strange. I hope your friend has a lovely time with someone who can relax with her.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/04/2024 22:49

Weird reaction to the suggestion and weird thoughts around bank holidays OP! I find it stranger that you take two weeks out to go long haul with friends with family at home but each to their own!

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 16/04/2024 22:49

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/04/2024 22:20

😂
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Explain why you think it's such a big deal please.

LdnReno · 16/04/2024 22:46

My thoughts exactly @Peaceandquietandacuppa

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